


The Beginning of The End

by 00trumpet



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00trumpet/pseuds/00trumpet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin, Kelley, and Ashlyn are all best friends just trying to make it through college. But when Tobin is being played, Ashlyn just wants to be out, and distance is pushing Kelley's limits, will their relationships survive? And when everything goes wrong, will anything go right?</p><p>aka A college au where Ashlyn wants to come out and Ali doesn't, Tobin's new friend does no help for her already failing relationship, and Kelley and Hope begin to truly wonder if distance will break them</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's October 18th and everyone is out celebrating the big win in their own way until Ashlyn and Tobin decide to bring the party to their own place

“You alright man?” Tobin landed a light punch on her taller friend’s shoulder with a chuckle.

“Yes, idiot, I’m just trying to focus,” The girl said with a laugh as she stood up from the counter where she had previously been examining one of the many expensive necklaces lining the counters in the cramped jewelry store. “And don’t be swinging around, I don’t want you breaking anything. I love you, but you’re a total klutz, Tobs.”

“I’m not a klutz, Ash.” Tobin argued, stepping back into a wall of earrings. She quickly turned around to make sure hadn’t broken anything, and when she turned back towards Ashlyn she was met with a glare from the old man behind the counter as well as a stifled laugh from her friend of the last year and a half. She and Ashlyn had met Tobin’s freshman year at Soccer tryouts and they, along with Kelley, became fast friends both on and off the pitch.

“Sure you aren’t.” Ashlyn said with a chuckle. She grabbed her friend’s hand and led them out of the store before they could get yelled at.

“So why were you spending so long in there anyway? Ali’s birthday was months ago, and Christmas won’t be for awhile.” Tobin asked as they stepped into crisp fall air. She could never quite place her finger on it, but there was always just something so much better about Autumn in North Carolina than back in New Jersey.

“Christmas is right around the corner, Tobs, what are you talking about?” Ashlyn asked with a laugh as they picked up their skateboards.

“Nah, Halloween hasn’t even come yet, and that’s the most important holiday.” She joked back as they begin to wind down the sidewalk on their skateboards in the direction of their campus.

Ashlyn just shook her head and reached over to shove Tobin as she hopped off her board. “I didn’t even push you that hard, bro,” Ashlyn said, hopping off of hers as well.

“Yeah, well unlike you, I actually have an event coming up soon,” Tobin replied turning towards the restaurant the two friends had stopped in front of.

“My birthday’s this weekend, loser. What do you have coming up?” Ashlyn said, following Tobin into the restaurant.

“Well, yeah, but your birthday is mine and Kriegs’ job to handle, not yours. And next Thursday is mine and Christen’s three month anniversary,” Tobin replied, looking down at her shoes, slightly worried what Ashlyn may have to say at the knowledge that Tobin was bringing her girlfriend of three months to a restaurant as expensive as this one was.

“Christen? Really? You’re going to bring _her_ here? You’re an idiot, Tobin.” Ashlyn said, sounding a little more rude than she meant to.

“I really like her Ash, I don’t see what your problem with her--”

“She’s a bitch!” Ashlyn cut her off. “And you deserve far better, Tobs. Isn’t she leaving anyway?”

“Yeah--,” Tobin began, but was cut off yet again, this time by a member of the waitstaff.

“Can I help you two ladies?” The man asked her.

“Yes, please, can I get a reservation for next Thursday?” Tobin asked, deciding that a second for Ashlyn to cool down was probably best.

“Thursday, yes, does 7 work for you?” He asked as he looked up from the log he was writing in on his podium. “And may I get a name for whom this is for?”

“Yes, Heath, thank you.” She said as she saw Ashlyn leaving the restaurant out of the corner of her eye.

“Of course, ma’am. I will see you Thursday.” He replied with a small fake smile, marking down a few last things in his log book.

 _Only if Ashlyn doesn’t kill me first,_ Tobin thought, turning towards the door to follow her friend.

“Ash, wait,” Tobin said, picking up her board but opting to jog after her friend instead of riding it.

“Tobs, I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Ashlyn replied, stopping and turning in the direction of Tobin who was still jogging to catch up.

“Get hurt?” Tobin asked as she reached Ashlyn who was now standing next to a fire hydrant by the side of the road. “Ash, I think what I have with Christen might be real. Like what you and Ali have.”

“She views you as temporary, dude; she’s not in this thing like you are.” Ashlyn said, continuing her walk towards the campus. “She’s using you man, we can all see it.”

“Temporary? Ashlyn, she and I have been dating for three months--”

“Yeah, and you two have grown apart since the second you got together. It’s not a good relationship, and it’s definitely not what Ali and I have,” Ashlyn fired back, cutting her off. “She’s leaving at the end of the semester anyway, do you really think you can handle long distance like that with someone who’s only half as in this relationship as you are?”

“Look, Ashlyn, can we not talk about this right now? What were you taking forever in that jewelry store for anyway?” Tobin asked, deciding a change of subject would be the quickest way to get her friend off of her back.

“I’m gonna ask Ali if we can come out.” Ashlyn replied, taking the bait for a topic change. “To more than just you and a few others, y’know? I want our team to know, our parents, I want the world to know I’m in love with that girl.” Ashlyn replied quickly, brushing her hair back trying to hide how flustered she was.

Tobin let out a good laugh. “You guys really are perfect for each other, y’know that?”

“I sure hope so,” Ashlyn replied. “Let’s just get to your apartment before the sun goes down, I’m tired as hell,” she said, beginning back on her skateboard.

“We did have a game today,” Tobin glanced at her watch as she followed Ashlyn, leisurely rolling down the sidewalk, “Wanna invite Kriegs over? I’m gonna call Pressy and see if she can come for dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan bro. Race ya?” Ashlyn called behind her as she quickly pounded her foot against the ground, propelling herself forward.

“Hey, that’s not fair! You got a head start!” Tobin yelled ahead towards the blonde girl who was now far ahead of her.

 

\------------

 

By the time the two reached the building, the sun was far behind them and it was getting colder by the second. They continued to the door, racing for who could enter the room first. Just as Tobin was beginning to catch up to Ashlyn, she noticed and began to take the stairs three at a time instead of just stumbling up them.

“Okay, that’s just not fair.” Tobin pouted as she entered the door behind her friend.

Ashlyn shrugged as she pulled out her phone. “S’not my fault you’re short.”

“You’re a dick, you know that Ash?” Tobin replied, trying to sound genuinely upset before finally cracking a laugh, following in suit so she could message her girlfriend about plans for the night.

**Toby :p : wanna stop by for dinner? ash and i are ordering take out to celebrate the win**

**Pressy <3 : girls night, remember? we’re partying**

**Toby :p : right, right. be safe ok?**

**Pressy <3 : always toby**

_I hate that nickname,_ “So what do you wanna order? Christen can’t make it by the way,” Tobin asked, setting down her phone with a sigh.

“I say we party,” Ash replied as she slid her phone in her pocket.

**Ash : wanna stop by tobs place tonight? she and i were gonna have dinner but im gonna talk her into throwing a party, press is bein a dick again**

“Ash, really?” Tobin groaned, _How have I survived this long with a friend like you?_

“Hell yeah, do I ever joke about these things? Besides, my birthday is tomorrow. You have to be nice to me, it’s a rule.” Ashlyn smirked as her phone vibrated. “I’m gonna text out the invites,” she said, pulling out her phone.

“Ugh fine, should I let Christen know?” Tobin asked, “She said she was partying with her friends, if we’re having a party maybe they could stop by?” Tobin looked at her friend, hoping to not read any disappointment in the face that she sought guidance from for so long.

Ashlyn looked up from her phone and saw the hopefulness in Tobin’s eyes, “Of course, bud, this is a celebration party and it wouldn’t be the same without your girl,” _Well, it’s not a lie. It wouldn’t be the same. You’d probably have more fun,_ “She’s part of the team, right?”

A grin broke out on Tobin’s face, happy for her friend’s support, “You’re right, I’ll let her know.”

**Toby :p : change of plans, celebration party, be there? and bring your friends? :)**

\------------

Christen looked down at her phone again, laying down the drink she had in her hand. She looked at the cute guy that had been making eyes at her from across the bar and let out a small sigh, then turned towards her friends. “Hey guys, Tobin’s gonna throw a party, wanna stop there for the night?”

Her friends looked around at each other, “Sounds like a plan, there’ll be booze, right?” One of them finally responded.

**Pressy <3 : the girls wanna know if there’ll be booze lol**

**Toby :p : ash is helping me throw the party, what do u think?**

Christen looked back up at the guy across the bar and caught him staring this time, she smiled as she watched him blush and take a drink from his glass. She let out another sigh, _Come on Tobin, why do you even want to continue this? I’m leaving. I’m leaving you._ Christen began to wonder why she ever said yes to a date at all, _At first we were okay, but now? Now it’s just you trying for a relationship and me never wanting to see you. You’ve changed since we got together. You’re not the girl I used to be friends with. You're not the girl I agreed to date._

**Pressy <3 : we’ll be there**

\------------

Ali looked up at her small group of friends, worried just how much attention her girlfriend may want after a few shots. _I know we can’t hide forever, but just for now?_ She knew how badly Ashlyn wanted to be out, but was happy with the amount of patience she had shown so far.

**Baby : sure, i’m with a-rod and cheney, want them to come?**

**Ash : duh, i’m inviting the whole team. have cheney text jrue and his team too, yeah?**

**Baby : will do babe, need us to pick anything up?**

**Ash : make a beer run, tobs doesn’t drink it**

**Baby : will do, cups and ice too?**

**Ash : you’re the best**

**Baby: after you :p see you soon babe**

She looked up at her friends and thought about telling them right there and then, but was too worried how they may react. She even opened her mouth to say it but then got dragged into her own thoughts. Yeah, Tobin and Christen were out, but this was different. Neither Tobin nor Christen were the captain of the team. Tobin and Christen also weren’t exactly the best example of a healthy relationship. She wanted nothing more than to be out, to be able to show the world just how much she loved her blonde tattooed goalie, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Instead she just coughed to pull the pair of friends out of their conversation. “Party at Tobs’ place, you guys coming or what?”

 

\------------

Tobin smiled down at her girlfriend’s reply, “Hey Ash, Christen’s coming. How are things on your end?” She asked, walking in to the kitchen.

“Just got a group text sent out the team, and Cheney’s telling Jrue and his guys as well. Get the booze out, will ya?” Ashlyn replied as she began pulling bags of chips out of the cabinets and dumping them into various bowls.

Tobin nodded, turning towards her liquor cabinet and grabbing out various bottles. “I don’t have any beer--”

“Ali’s on it.” Ashlyn replied swiftly as she pulled out her phone to order pizzas.

“Cool, cool. I’ve got vodka, whiskey...” Tobin began to tally off the different bottles until she came across one, “Really Ash? Tequila?” She asked with a shake of her head, setting the bottle down and reaching into a different cabinet for shot glasses.

Ashlyn just smirked as she ran off a long pizza order for the poor guy on the receiving end of the call. After confirming her large order for a third time, she hung up and checked her phone, feeling the vibrations from replies in the group text pouring in.

“Did you text Kelley?” Tobin asked, turning away from the counter and towards her friend.

“Shit, no. She’s still in my phone as “squirrel” so she didn’t show up when I typed out the list, text her for me?” Ashlyn replied with a chuckle as she remembered the night a few practices ago where she and Tobin began calling her that.

“No problem, I think she’s still in my phone as that too.” Tobin laughed, pulling her own phone out of her pocket as she saw Ashlyn walking away to stuff cans of sodas and water bottles into one of the many coolers Ashlyn kept in the closet. “Remind me why we throw the parties here?” Tobin joked as she saw Ashlyn pull two more 12 packs of soda from her closet.

“Ample storage space,” Ashlyn said with a shrug, gesturing to the closet lined with sodas and waters. _Because everyone thinks I live here. Because you and Kelley are some of the only people I trust with mine and Ali’s secret. Because you guys are best friends I have._ She turned to Tobin, her eyes revealing everything she wasn’t saying.

“Not for long if you keep on storing party stuff here,” Tobin replied jokingly, trying to relieve the newly set in tension. She knew why they threw the parties there, she knew how important things like this were for Ashlyn’s cover. She loved the fact Ashlyn could trust her. She flashed her friend one of her signature grins, looking down at her phone to begin typing as she watched Ashlyn just shrug again, this time with a small laugh.

**Tobs : party at our place, coming?**

\------------

Kelley looked down from her shared smoothie to her phone as she felt the table vibrate. She looked up to the large, strong hand hers was in and sighed.

“What’s wrong babe?” The girl opposite the table asked her with caring eyes.

“Tobin’s throwing a party to celebrate the win and she wants me there,” she whispered slowly, carefully meeting the girl’s eyes, hoping not to upset her.

“Tobin? Like, midfielder Tobin?” The girl asked, joking with disbelief.

“Yeah, midfielder Tobin,” Kelley let out a small sigh of relief at the girl’s joke.

“How much has changed since I graduated, Kell?” The girl’s joking demeanor shifted slowly into something more ominous, more serious and she pulled her hand away from Kelley’s. They were both worried what the distance may do to them, but were willing to fight through it, or so they thought.

 _This will not be what breaks us,_ Kelley thought, “Nothing really, it’s more-so Ashlyn’s party anyway, Tobin just let’s it happen at our place.” Kelley replied with a small laugh, trying to bring the laughter back into the girl’s eyes.

“That makes much more sense.” She laughed, and saw Kelley’s eyes light up as she did so, and the softness returned to her own. _Why can’t it be just us for once? Happy and together._

“So are you going to the party?” Pulling her hand the rest of the way off the table, she looked down at her shoes, nervous about the young girl’s decision.

Kelley noticed the softness return and pulled the smoothie closer to her, purposefully getting some whipped cream on her finger. “Depends,” she said reaching forward. Kelley wiped the whipped cream across the girl’s nose and let out a laugh as mock-anger washed over her newly covered face. “Will you come with me?”

She reached up, wiping her face off with her hand, not bothering for a napkin. She pulled the smoothie back across the table and nearly finished it, playfully taking her time before giving a reply.

“Hey, Hope, that was my smoothie too.” Kelley said, nearly pouting.

“Don’t worry, I saved you some,” Hope said, pushing the glass across the table.

Kelley’s eyes lit up as she reached for the glass, but as she went for the straw her cheek was met with the hand Hope had used to wipe her nose off. “Y’know, for a hard ass, you sure are a dork,” Kelly joked towards the keeper. “So how about that party?”

“Yeah, but I’m your dork, and I love your hard abs,” she replied, laughing at her own play on words.

“I said ass and you know it,” Kelley replied with a pout as she got up from the table to meet her girlfriend. She pulled out her phone out to shoot a text back to Tobin.

**Irish Squirrel : hope and i’ll be there :)**

Hope smirked as she laid a twenty on the table, far too much of a tip for a bill that couldn’t have been more than a few dollars, but both of them were too happy with each other’s company to care. “Well maybe I love your ass too,” she replied, putting her arm around the shorter girl.  _I have you, at any party, any game, any time. You are mine, whether we’re alone or not. And maybe that can be enough for us._

 

\------------

After reading the text from Ashlyn, Sydney looked up at her friend who was still under a wave of depression, along with several blankets. The win today had cheered her up for a little awhile, but as soon as they’d gotten back to their apartment, her friend was back to being a mopey, heartbroken mess. “Get up,” she said, walking towards her best friend and pulling off the top layer of many blankets covering the forward.

“I just wanna lay here, Syd,” the brunette turned away from her friend. Despite the fact that she knew all Sydney wanted to do was help, she couldn’t even think about doing anything but lie on the couch and feel sorry for herself.

“We won today, we’re going to celebrate. Get up,” she repeated, tearing away at the blankets and pulling her friend up from the couch.

“The last thing I want to do right now is go sit in some bar.” the girl replied somewhat sternly.

“Come on Al, we aren’t going to a bar. Tobin and Ashlyn are throwing a party,” Sydney fired back, steering her friend towards the closet. “Besides, the party’s sure to be full of attractive guys,” Sydney continued, wiggling her eyebrows.

Alex let out one final groan before finally giving in, “Fine, but only to get you off my back,” she really could use a night out, especially to celebrate a win like this one, but she would never admit that to Sydney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Tobin reentered the kitchen just as Ashlyn set down a large stack of pizza boxes. Picking up a few, she went to go scatter them around the house like she had just finished doing with the chip bowls.

There was a knock at the door and Tobin called out, “I got it!”, seeing Ashlyn was busy with the stereo.

Ashlyn nodded and waved her on, finishing with a few last cords and then joining her friend at the door. She noticed Ali had arrived, along with a couple other people, but she only saw Ali. “Hey,” she started, a little stunned by the sheer beauty her girlfriend possessed, “Let me get those.” Ashlyn reached out to grab a few cases of the beer and was quickly joined by Amy and Lauren to help her load up the coolers.

“So are we ready to party or what?” Lauren said, grabbing a beer as she stood up from the cooler. “When are people getting here?”

“Uhm, probably any minute now,” Tobin replied, glancing down at her watch.

“Uh, yeah, that seems, right,” Ashlyn muttered, still in somewhat of a trance.

Ali and Tobin both noticed and turned towards their friend, but Tobin backed away when she saw Ali taking over, “We’re gonna go finish getting ready, okay guys?” Ali said, pulling Ashlyn into her bedroom.

“Yeah, totally,” Tobin replied, turning towards the door at the sound of a knock as the couple slipped behind the door.

“What’s their deal?” Amy asked as Tobin continued to the front of the apartment.

“What do you mean?” She asked nonchalantly, letting the group of people in, turning the music on along the way.

“There’s gotta be something between them,” Lauren continued, picking up the conversation.

Tobin shook her head with a laugh of pure amusement at how the pair of friends were always on the same wave length. “Nah, why do you say that?”  _Come on Cheney, let it go. This isn’t your business, and when they’re ready, they’ll tell you._

“She’s totally right, there’s something there,” Amy jumped in. 

 _Not you too, A-Rod._ “Guys, just leave it alone, okay? We’re here to party, not speculate on our friends’ sex lives.” Tobin hoped they would drop the topic completely, but didn’t have any luck, only turning the conversation to her own romantic partner.

“So what about you and Press then?” Lauren smirked as she nudged her friend in the shoulder.

 _I don’t know what’s happening between us._  “We’re fine, she should be getting here soon actually,” Tobin glanced at her watch and let out a small smile at the thought of celebrating the game with her girlfriend.  _Maybe I can fix us,_ she thought wistfully, pulling her phone out.

**Toby :p : close?**

This time it was Amy’s turn to smirk, “So how will you two be celebrating?”

Tobin sighed as her friend winked at her. “We will be doing nothing that is of any of your business,” she replied with a shrug, figuring that was the best answer possible without trying to give too much away for her friends to further prod at.

“Whatevs,” Lauren said, pulling Amy away with her as she spotted her boyfriend walk into the party.

\------------

Christen felt her phone vibrate and she groaned as she pulled away from the guy she had previously been locking lips with.

“Already baby?” He asked with a gross smile as Christen pulled out her phone.

“Get off of me, dick,” she said pushing him away and out of the bathroom.

“But we were just getting started!” He replied, almost a whine as Christen shoved him harder.

“And now we’re done.” She replied, looking down at her phone.  _Shit, I forgot about the party. We called the guy over so we could pay the bill, not order a round of shots._

Ridden with guilt, Christen breezed out of the bathroom to stop by the table. Sometime between the last text she’d sent her girlfriend and the time she was asking for the check, a round of shots was ordered and she ended up with some guy on top of her in the bathroom. “We’re leaving, girls, don’t wanna be late.”

“What took so long?” One of them asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“I, uh, had to fix my hair,” she said quickly as they all laid a few bills down on the table to cover their orders. It wasn’t a total lie, she _had_ adjusted her hair as she sped to the table, but only because the guy whose name she couldn’t remember had messed it up.

**Pressy <3 : be there soon baby**

\------------

Ali pulled Ashlyn into her bedroom, “Get ahold of yourself babe, what’s wrong with you?” She asked as she turned towards her girlfriend’s closet.

“You’re just really pretty I guess,” Ashlyn said with a shrug, taking the leather vest from her girlfriend and pulling it on, looking quickly into the mirror to make sure it looked okay with her white t-shirt and ripped jeans.

“And you’re gorgeous, and I love you, but to be quite honest you looked like an idiot out there,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“Maybe, but I’m your idiot.” Ashlyn said, leaning over and giving her girlfriend a quick kiss. _Even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes._

“Forever?” Ali asked, reaching down and interlocking her fingers with Ashlyn’s, turning up to look into her eyes and leaning forward for another kiss.

“As long as you’ll allow it,” she replied smiling and leaning into it.

\------------

Sydney and Alex arrived to the party just as it was reaching full swing and the second they were in, Sydney was leaving Alex for some guy from the basketball team with nothing more than a, “We’ll catch up later, Al!” thrown over her shoulder.

Alex continued into the house, deciding that the kitchen would be a nice place to start her night, seeing as most everyone who was going to be too handsy for her liking was in the living room with Sydney or had already called dibs on the nearest closet.

Alex walked in and immediately saw one of the supposed hosts of the party. She ventured over and began to grab a beer but decided to make a mixed drink for herself instead, keeping her eyes on the brunette the whole time. Sitting down in a bar stool at the kitchen island, she decided to try a conversation with the midfielder. She opened her mouth to say something but immediately noticed the girl glancing distractedly at her phone.

Alex wondered what could be worrying the poor girl so much, but then she watched as Christen Press and her group of friends, none of which were on the team, burst into the apartment and Tobin’s face break out into her signature grin. Alex continued to watch the scene play out in front of her as Christen rushed into the girl’s arms giving her a sloppy kiss.

 _How much has she had to drink already?_ She questioned until she decided it was definitely time to look away as things were quickly becoming heated between the two. Blushing into her drink and turning to face the living room, she looked to see if she could find anyone else worth striking up a conversation with.

\------------

Kelley walked into the apartment building she’d grown to love over the past year and a half, wishes of a quiet night with her girlfriend long gone, instead just hoping that no one would try to dare her to take too many shots before the night was over.

Hope slowly took away her arm as they exited the elevator in front of the door, but Kelley pulled it back around her shoulder. The older girl looked down at her with a questioning glance, _Are you really ready to be out? To come out like this?_

“You’re mine and I’m yours, Hope. Nobody’s changing that,” the smaller girl said as if reading her mind. “Not to mention, you have to protect me from gross dudes that try to get me to take shots,” she said with a shrug, opening the door with the hand that she wasn’t using to hold Hope’s arm down. _And I really want to spend as much time with you as my girlfriend as I can before you have to leave again._

“Forever, baby,” Hope said, leaning down to kiss Kelley’s temple as they entered the party. They both knew it was more than a silly promise about shots. They both knew how much it really meant for it to be said, especially by the girl who had shied away from anything even remotely pertaining to a relationship for the first three years of her college life.

\------------

“Tobin?” Ashlyn asked, walking in the kitchen just as Christen pulled up from a not-so pg-13 kiss.

“Hey, uh, Ash, how’ve you been?” Tobin asked, swallowing hard as she watched Christen wink and walk toward her bedroom.

“Not as good as you’re about to be, it seems.” Ashlyn laughed as Kelley and Hope entered the kitchen together.

 _Shut up, Ash,_ Tobin thought as she noticed Hope and Kelley’s not so subtle displays of affection. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna go to my room to, uh, check on something. Yeah, I’ve gotta, plug in my phone, yeah that’s it,” Tobin said awkwardly, rushing to her bedroom to follow her girlfriend.

“You haven’t talked any sense into her yet?” Kelley asked, watching Tobin quickly leave the kitchen.

Ashlyn shrugged, “It’s a party, we won, I’m gonna let her be happy with her girlfriend,” _Somebody deserves to,_ she thought, looking up as she watched Ali make her way into the living room, dancing with a drink in her hand.

“Hey, you guys’ll be okay,” Hope said with a comforting hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

They were never great friends, Ashlyn always felt like she shouldn’t like her, but it really wasn’t Hope’s fault that she held the starting goalie position for Ashlyn’s first two years at their school. That she was smarter, older, better. _Better, better, better._ Began echoing her mind and Ashlyn felt the overwhelming need to flinch the older girl’s hand off, but really all she needed right now was the promise that things would be okay, and after all, Hope had been there for her for the better part of her career. Coaching her, training her, comforting her. So maybe it would be okay to let the older girl tell her the one thing she needed to hear right now. “Thanks man, it hasn’t been the same with you gone, y’know.”

Hope smiled and let her hand fall from the blonde’s shoulder, “I don’t know, from what Kelley’s told me, and after what I saw tonight, you guys seem to be doing pretty well.”

“Well a goalkeeper’s nothing without her defenders, right, Kell?” She asked, glad that Kelley was able to bring out the side of Hope that most people never saw. The caring compassionate person behind the dark exterior. “Besides, I’d be nothing without your help,” she mentioned, recalling the memories of all the long extra hours Hope had spent with Ashlyn, training her, pushing her to be better. Making sure she knew that she, too, was destined for glory.

The two of them shared a look and Hope smiled at Ashlyn’s humbleness. “You can’t teach greatness,” she shrugged. “So I was told there would be booze?” She asked and Kelley smacked her arm.

“You’re driving!” She argued, worried what her girlfriend was up to.

“We’re literally in your apartment, Kell. Where else do you think we’re going tonight?” She asked, rubbing the spot on her bicep where Kelley had hit her. “Besides, the shots are for you,” she joked, following Ashlyn over to the counter with various liquors lined up.

“Thought you were gonna protect me from shots?” Kelley asked with a pout.

“I’m not gross or a dude, am I?” Hope asked with a quirked eyebrow, testing for a response from her girlfriend.

“Well, you don’t smell _great_ ,” she replied with shrug, trying to pull a laugh out of Hope.

“Take this, dork,” Hope replied, laughing as she and Ashlyn grabbed their own shots and she handed one to Kelley.

Ashlyn smiled, glad to know she had her friends no matter where she and Ali stood as of right now. “To soccer?” She asked, thrusting her glass into the air.

“To soccer!” Hope and Kelley replied, linking their arms and knocking their shots back.

\------------

Tobin opened the door after Christen, only to be met with bright shining eyes and a topless girlfriend. “Babe,” she let out a laugh, “What are we doing?”

“What does it look like, Tobin?” she asked, pulling her to the bed and then pushing her down onto it with a lingering kiss.

“It looks like--” Tobin mumbled as she was pushed down onto the bed, almost immediately silenced with yet another kiss.

 _Shut up, Tobin. Take a fucking hint,_ she thought but all she said was, “Stop talking, baby, we’re about to celebrate a win.”

Tobin gulped and nodded quickly, entranced by the way Christen winked at her, biting her lip.

 _I should be biting that lip,_ she thought, leaning forward to do just that, but Christen just pushed her down on the bed. Tobin pouted for a second but her face quickly spread into a smile as she felt Christen grabbing the bottom of her shirt, reaching to yank it over her head.

\------------

Alex looked down at her phone and noticed that Christen and Tobin had been gone for almost an hour. She quickly pulled herself out of any thoughts towards what they be doing, she wasn’t anywhere near good enough friends with either of them to think about that, and she tried to distract herself with a long swig of her drink.

She regretted it immediately as she remembered she’d opted for a Cape Cod (Vodka and Cranberry Juice) instead of a beer and she felt the vodka burn as it went down her throat. She let out a small cough and got up to search for a water bottle until she bumped into Megan, another of her teammates.

“Hey Baby Horse! Enjoying the party?” Megan yelled over the crowd and booming music as she continued to pour shots for her and and a girl she’d never seen before.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so!” Alex called back loudly, having to scream over the music even though they weren’t more than a foot away from each other.

Megan shook her head and poured a third shot, holding it out to Alex, “You haven’t had enough to drink yet!” She yelled as an explanation, downing her own and leading the girl Alex didn’t recognize back into the living room with her.

 _She’s probably right,_ Alex thought as she shrugged, _What could one shot hurt, anyway?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Tobin are okay...until Tobin makes a new friend.

Tobin and Christen left the room, Christen wearing the shirt Tobin had been and Tobin wearing a new one of her own. Even though she hadn’t had anything to drink, she definitely didn’t feel sober and as she walked into the kitchen. Tobin almost felt as if she could fly. She felt like she could do anything with Christen laughing into her shoulder and holding her hand.

Alex looked over at them with disgust, even though she really had no right to be annoyed. It was no one’s fault but Servando’s that she was heart broken, but to her it felt like any cute couple within a five-mile radius was to blame. Not to mention, Alex didn’t like to see Tobin being played.

She barely knew the girl, sure, other than the fact that they played on the same team, she was dating Christen, and Ashlyn and Kelley were her two best friends, she honestly didn’t know the girl at all. She did know Christen, though. And Christen was screwing over the lighthearted surfer like no other.

Alex knew it wasn’t her place to say or do anything, but it hurt to see Tobin go from so upset to be happy, basing her emotions on the status of her relationship.

 _Not like I have any room to talk,_ she thought, considering how sad she’d been or the past week, all because of a failed relationship.

\------------

Tobin walked into the kitchen after receiving a kiss on the cheek from Christen before she ran off into the living room. Smiling, she turned towards the girl across the counter looking sadly down into her third drink of the night. “Hey, you alright?” She asked, offering a paper plate with a piece of pepperoni pizza on it, originally intended for herself, to the girl.

The girl took it with a small smile at the thought of how selfless Tobin was. “Thanks, Tobin. Nice party by the way.”

 _Shit, you know my name?_   Tobin thought, racking her brain for the name of the girl, or anything about her, really. All she could come up with was that she was new to the team, transferred this year, and a striker. Quite an impressive one, at that. “Thanks,” Tobin responded with a laugh, still trying to remember the girl’s name but with no luck. It wasn’t her fault, really. Her mind was still with her girlfriend. Christen. Grabbing her, kissing her, taking control. Tobin shook her head and reached into the cooler for a can of what she thought was coke. “So what’re you drinking for?” She asked, knocking back the can.

"New beginnings, celebrate the win, I don’t know for sure. You?” Alex asked as she followed suit and took a swig of her own glass, prepared for the burn from the vodka this time.

Tobin sputtered, choking on the beer the second her brain recognized the taste of it. She turned to spit into the sink and Alex was around the counter, hand on Tobin’s back within a second.

“Are you okay?" Alex asked, the worry obvious in her voice.

“I, uh, yeah,” she said with another cough, “I just don’t drink beer.”

“Oh, right.” Alex said with a nod.

 _Who is this girl anyway?_ Tobin thought as she could feel a burning sensation settling into her shoulder blade where the girl’s hand sat.

Tobin shuddered away from Alex’s touch, “Shit, sorry,” Alex quickly removed her hand, worried that there may be some sort of unsettled tension between them now.

“No, no, it’s okay,” she said quickly, turning towards the girl, feeling a ghostly absence on her back where the girl’s hand had been just seconds ago. “I just, I have a girlfriend,” she muttered, worried she may be offending the girl, but really saying it more-so to remind herself. Things hadn’t been going too well with them recently but Tobin Heath did _not_ cheat. “I just don’t want her to get jealous, y’know?” Tobin tried to muster a laugh but her mind was somewhere else. No longer in the bedroom with Christen but merely moments ago, when Alex rushed over to make sure she was okay, when she laid her hand on her back.

It wasn’t like the two had never made contact, but that was always on the pitch. A simple high five or a light hug or pat on the back after a nice pass or shot. It was never caring or sincere. Never personal, and they both realized that.

Alex noticed the sudden awkwardness and reached for her drink, “No, no of course. I’m not--,” _Gay?_ That wasn’t exactly wrong, she wasn’t gay, but she wasn’t straight either. She took another long drink, relishing in the burn this time. Embracing it. “A home wrecker,” she finally decided. “So what drink were you aiming for anyway?” She responded with a laugh, bending down to the cooler.

“Just a coke, thanks,” Tobin said as she understood that the girl was grabbing a drink for her. She looked around a tad worried, _It’s just a drink, man. Calm down,_ she tried to tell herself, but to no avail when her heartbeat perked as Alex’s fingers grazed her own, handing over the soda.

The two struck up a fairly nice conversation, continually learning more about each other besides the fact that they could both kill it on the soccer field. Tobin surfed, Alex could definitely not surf, but loved to paddle board. Tobin had been playing soccer since she was four, Alex hadn’t started till she was almost fourteen. They had likenesses and difference amongst them, but neither could dispute the immediate connection the pair made.

 _You have a girlfriend,_ Tobin thought to herself angrily.

"This has been a lot of fun tonight, thanks for this," Alex said with a smile, reaching out to brush her fingers across the top of Tobin's hand that she was using to hold her drink.

"Of course!" Tobin said as she began to pull her hand away, she knew touches like this were risky because even if this was what just friends did, Christen wouldn't approve, but it was already too late.

"'The fuck are you doing with my girlfriend, Alex?" Christen asked, storming into the kitchen, sloppily drunk but still too sober to let Tobin think this was okay.

 _We just had sex for fuck's sake. And to think you'd be grateful,_ Christen thought, stomping over to her girlfriend. So what if she just grinded against some guy from the basketball team? If Tobin wanted this, she didn't get to not want it. Christen knew it really wasn't fair, that she got to be frivolous without worry of repercussions, because poor Tobin was clueless as hell, but that didn't mean she got to flirt with the slut that just transferred from Berkeley.

Tobin leaped up, rushing to her girlfriend, "We weren't doing anything! I swear! We were just talking, y'know? Thought I'd get to know one of our teammates!" The words were spilling out of her mouth, doing anything she could to stop her girlfriend from possibly hurting the other girl, Really, _she didn't do anything._ And what did she have a right to be mad about anyway? It wasn't like Christen was the last person to do some mindless flirting, sober or not. Besides, the only thing really running through her mind was, _Al_ _ex! So that's her name!_

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Alex's mind was screaming because the last thing she wanted right now was for Tobin to feel bad, or to possibly even get _hurt_ by Christen, which it quickly looked like it may move towards she began to think after seeing the fire in her eyes. She ran towards Christen to say something, anything, but stayed behind when she was held back by Tobin.

"What the fuck do you think _you're_ doing, Tobin?" Christen fired as she watched her girlfriend wave Alex behind her. "Standing up for her? Protecting her?"

 

\------------

 

Ashlyn heard Christen's yells from the living room and quickly ran into the kitchen to protect her friend, Hope flying after her and Kelley trailing behind the two goalkeepers.

"Christen!" Ashlyn roared, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She stepped in front of Tobin just as she could tell Christen was rearing back for more than just a friendly hit to the arm and her palm connected with Ashlyn's cheek.  

"Ash!" Tobin shouted, shoving her way between Hope and her friend and putting a hand up to Ashlyn's face to make sure she was okay, but Ashlyn, who was running on five shots and the adrenaline from the party that had been playing out all night, had hardly even felt the slap.

Despite the fact that Ashlyn could barely notice the stinging sensation coming from the red mark forming on her jawline, she did understand that Christen had just tried to hurt one of her best friends, and that was all she could process right now. She pulled her arm back to let go of a right hook, but Hope jumped in front, stopping her.

"Harris!" Hope yelled, pulling the blonde away from a fight that might break out any second. Ashlyn tried pulling away from Hope, only to have her arm gripped securely behind her back. "If you throw a punch you'll be suspended from the team, do you really want to not be able to go to playoffs?" Hope said, almost spitting in her face.  _I'm not letting you ruin this for yourself, kid._

 

\------------

 

 _How did this all start from a pat on the back?_ Alex thought to herself helplessly as she watched the chaos before her ensue. Dodging almost punches and a tackle from-- _Was that the #1 pick from NWSL Draft this past summer? What could she possibly be doing at some college party?_

 

\------------

Ali arrived in the kitchen just in time to watch Ashlyn get slapped in the face, “Ash!” She called out, running over as Hope held the girl back. “Are you okay?”  She asked putting her hands up to the girl’s face, wanting nothing more than to kiss the red mark away.

“I-- yeah, I’m fine,” she muttered, seeing the genuine worry in Ali’s eyes. _Kiss me, show me you love me._ She knew it wasn’t fair to think that way, but she couldn’t help herself. All Ashlyn wanted right now was for Ali to lean forward into a kiss. After a few moments she realized Ali wasn’t going to kiss her. Not here, not now. Definitely not while she was still being pinned back by Hope. Ashlyn leaned forward, pulling herself out of Hope’s hold and grabbed Christen’s arm. “You’re leaving,” she said, pushing her to the door. “Everyone’s leaving!” She called out into the house, shoving Christen out the door.

“Toby, you can’t let her do this!” Christen yelled towards her girlfriend, but Tobin just looked lost.

 _You hit my best friend, you tried to hit me. And quit fucking calling me that._ Tobin tried to let her thoughts process but her mind was too clouded.

“You’re leaving, Christen.” Hope stepped forward with a stern look on her face. _And to think I actually liked you last year,_ she thought with dissapointmentas she helped Ashlyn shove her out the door.

Kelley ran into the living room and shut the music off, “Okay guys, party’s over! Go home!” she yelled over the chorus of groans being let out into the living room.

 

\------------

 

People poured out of the house, pushing Christen farther and farther from her girlfriend, or, whatever they were now. She just groaned and stomped over to a group of her friends outside of the building, “Hey Chris! Where do you wanna go next?” One of her friends slurred out.

"I’m just gonna head home,” she replied, sobering up purely from the anger Tobin’s friends had instilled in her. _Where the fuck does she get off letting her friends treat me like that? And after all I’ve done for her?_

 

\------------

 

Tobin looked around at the few people who’d stuck around. Ashlyn and Ali in the corner, Ali now being much more caring that so many people had left. Hope and Kelley off to the side, Kelley thanking Hope profusely for her bravery. Tobin looked between the couples and then remembered Alex behind her. Spinning around, she searched for the girl’s blue eyes. “Alex? You’re still here,” Tobin said as she saw the confusion and worry plastered across Alex’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, I am,” she said slowly, looking up at Tobin, noticing the fear in her eyes, _I’d be scared if my girlfriend had tried to hit me too,_  she justified.

“Are you alright? None of this is your fault,” Tobin said quickly, _Really, I promise. It’s mine, all mine. I should’ve been more faithful, more careful. I shouldn’t have let Christen get mad like that._

Alex watched the guilt spread across Tobin’s face, “And it’s not yours either,” she said, reaching her arms out and holding Tobin's shoulders steady. “I’m fine, but are you?” She asked cautiously, not wanting to force an answer out of her but hoping for more than to just be brushed off.

“No, yeah, I’m fine,” Tobin said, doing the exact opposite of what Alex had hoped for. “You probably wanna leave now,” she said, shaking the forward’s arms off of her.

"Do-- do you want me to?” Alex looked into Tobin’s eyes searching for honesty but just received a shrug. She looked over at the four people behind Tobin, noticing as Ashlyn and Kelley began to walk towards them. “I think they want to talk to you,” she said turning Tobin towards her best friends.

“What happened, are you okay?” Ashlyn asked, reaching a consoling hand out to Tobin.

“What did Press do? Do we need to fuck her up?” Kelley continued, her face serious and her eyes hard as steel.

Hope let out a cough, “There will be no, uh, ‘fucking up’ as you so delicately put it, babe. Who are you?” She asked with an accusatory glance to Alex.

“That’s Alex,” Ali stepped in. “Recent transfer, killer striker. I was unaware she was a good enough friend to Tobin to want to stick around after something like that, though.” Ali continued, in a snarky tone.

“It was, uh, it was kind of my fault,” Alex replied, looking down at her shoes and taking a step away from the quickly approaching group in front of her.

"What the fuck? You start shit like that and have the balls to stick around after?” Ashlyn nearly yelled, the fire quickly returning to her eyes.

“No! No, she didn’t start it guys, I swear, it wasn’t like that. She and I were just talking when Christen came in and read the situation wrong. It wasn’t her fault guys,” Tobin quickly said, rushing to protect the girl who had honestly just been trying to be a good friend and got caught in the middle of her failing relationship. _It was my fault,_ she didn’t say.

It was silent for a few moments as everyone looked between Tobin and Alex, sensing some form of a bond between the two of them.

“Okay, well, Alex,” Hope treaded carefully considering she didn’t know Alex, but figured that from the look on Ashlyn’s face, she wasn’t closely connected enough to the group for what they needed to talk to Tobin about. “Whether this was your fault or not--”

“It wasn’t!” Tobin interjected.

Hope just sighed, “Whether this was your fault or not, you should probably leave now.”

“Right, right,” she said quickly, “You’re totally right, I’m really sorry,” she rushed towards the door.

“Wait!” Tobin called, stopping Alex in her tracks. “You’ve been drinking, let me drive you?” She offered.

“No, that’s okay, really. My dorms aren’t too far away, I can just walk there,” Alex said, wanting to escape the hard piercing eyes of who was _definitely_ the #1 pick from the draft earlier in the year and by far the best goalie in the country.

“Let me walk you? Please,” Tobin said looking at the girl. _You can’t go alone, it’s late and you aren’t sober. I don’t want you to run into any rude guys. Or worse, Christen._

Alex noticed the pleading look in Tobin’s eyes and nodded as Tobin grabbed a Nike hoodie, pulling it over her shoulders and following her new friend out the door.

\------------

“She’s a fucking idiot, isn’t she?” Ashlyn asked as soon as Tobin shut the door.

"Maybe, but she's our fucking idiot," Ali said, stepping forward and interlocking her fingers with Ashlyn's.

"Still, the fuck does she think she's doing? She has some explaining to do," Kelley replied, obviously angry as well.

"Babe, calm down, will you? Heath knows what she's doing, cut her a break," Hope cut in.

"What do you mean she knows what she's doing? Oh wait, you're right, she's dating Christen Press, who I'm pretty sure wins the worst girlfriend in the world award, so you're _totally_ right, she knows what she's doing." Ashlyn fired across the room.

"Press _is_  hot," Hope muttered with a shrug, "I was kidding!" She quickly said as Kelley and Ashlyn both looked at her with disappointment.

Kelley slapped her girlfriend on the arm with a pout, "Do you wanna sleep on the couch tonight?" She warned, but Hope knew it was a hollow threat.

"That is the last thing I want to do, Kell," she said leaning forward to kiss Kelley on the forehead. "Let's all just go to sleep, yeah? Tobs will be back soon enough and then you can all pester her in the morning."

"Fine, fine," Ashlyn said, turning to her bedroom, her hand still interlocked with Ali's. "Hope?" She asked, turning back to the other couple.

"Yeah, Ash?" Hope asked, turning back as well.

"When do you have to leave? Like, how soon?" Ashlyn looked down at the wooden floors, feeling almost embarrassed at the question.

"I'm staying for your birthday tomorrow,” Hope confirmed, “I wouldn't miss it for the world."

A grin broke across Ashlyn's face, "Thanks Hope, things really aren't the same here without you, y'know."

"Well duh, I'm kind of amazing," she replied as Kelley pulled her into the bedroom.

"Ugh, be careful fitting your head through that door," Ashlyn replied, following Ali into her own bedroom.

 

\------------

 

"Get in the bed," Kelley said as Hope closed the door.

"Kell, I'm tired, can't we just sleep?" Hope asked with mock annoyance.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, babe. I just wanted to cuddle. I'm tired too," she said, changing out of the clothes she'd been wearing all night.

"Throw me a shirt, yeah?" Hope asked, sitting down on the bed and pulling off her jeans.

"Do you really think any of my shirts will fit you?" Kelley asked, turning towards her girlfriend.

"Don't act like you don't have an entire drawer dedicated to my clothes, O'Hara, now throw me a damn t-shirt," she replied as Kelley laughed, throwing one at her face.

 

\------------

 

“Tobin is going to be okay,” Ali reassured as she and Ashlyn entered the room.

“I sure hope so,” was all Ashlyn could say.

Ali knew how much Ashlyn had sobered up since the almost fight, but if she knew her girlfriend, then she knew that after the five shots and countless beers of the night, Ashlyn would be wanting more than to just go to sleep as Hope had suggested. “Baby, can we just--,”

“Sleep? I would find nothing better than being able to cuddle up to my beautiful girlfriend tonight,” she replied, leaning forward to kiss Ali on the nose.

Ali smiled, pleasantly surprised by the soft romantic gesture, _This. This is the woman I fell in love with,_ Ali turned her head up to meet her own lips with Ashlyn’s, “Then let’s do just that,” she said with a small laugh.

 

\------------

 

The walk to Alex’s dorm was indeed short, and brimming with tension. “I’m really sorry,” Alex began as they approached the door.

“Don’t be, really. None of this was your fault,” Tobin said, “I’m really glad I got to finally have a real conversation with you though,” she said, looking down at the ground and raising a hand to rub her neck.

“Me too, but maybe next time you won’t have to choke for it to happen?” Alex asked, letting out a light laugh.

 _Next time._ “Yeah, next time, that sounds great,” Tobin said, letting loose a bright grin.

“Alright, well goodnight. And thanks for walking me home,” Alex said, giving Tobin a quick hug.

Tobin smiled again and turned to walk away, until she heard her name being called after just a few seconds.

“Your jacket, you let me borrow it on the way back,” Alex said, beginning to pull it up and off her torso.

“Hold on to it for now, gives me an excuse to meet with you next time,” Tobin joked, _Please keep the jacket, it looks better on you anyway._

“Oh, okay,” Alex said, pulling it back down with a slight blush. She’d been hoping Tobin would tell her to keep it, but she wasn’t sure why. She decided to tell herself it was the alcohol.

Tobin breathed a sigh of relief as Alex said she would keep the jacket because _Wow,_ the sight of Alex in her jacket was all kinds of perfect.

“Goodnight, Toby, text me when you get home? I wanna make sure you’re safe," Alex said as Tobin began to walk away.

Tobin flinched at the nickname first, but then eased into it, realizing it didn’t bother her when Alex used it.

“Did I say something wrong?” Alex asked, biting her lip.

“Nah, I’m just not usually fond of that nickname,” she replied with a shrug.

“Oh, I’ll stop using it,” Alex said quickly.

“No, don’t. I like it when you use it,” Tobin said, _Please don’t stop using it._

“Oh, alright,” Alex smiled and Tobin quickly decided she really liked that smile. “So I’ll be keeping the jacket, right? It is pretty comfortable,” she joked, dancing her fingers over the bottom hem on it, “And don’t forget to text me when you get home, alright Toby?”

Okay, are you trying to kill me? Tobin thought, as she watched Alex play with the jacket, and then smiled, realizing that she had agreed to continue to call her by the nickname. “Will do, Lex,” she replied, as she turned away.

“Lex? No one really calls me that,” Alex said, quirking her eyebrow.

“Guess I’m not just anyone then, huh?” Tobin laughed.

“Hm, guess not,” she replied, pulling another laugh from Tobin. Alex longed to hear that laugh for ages. It was nice seeing this side of Tobin, carefree and happy. She was sure Christen’s absence was the reason for that, and she quickly decided that she wanted to be the reason for that laugh, many, many more times.

 

\------------

 

Tobin reached her apartment and entered her room, changing out of her outfit from the night and sending a text to Alex.

**Tobin : i’m home :p**

Alex smiled when she read the text and pulled her contacts list up to change Tobin’s name in it. After doing so, she sent her new friend a reply.

**Alex : good to hear, are your friends still up?**

Tobin smiled at the fact that it didn’t seem like Alex wanted to push away and forget the bad parts of the night. She quickly changed her name in her phone before sending Alex another text.

**Toby :) : nah, all sound asleep, which i’m hoping to be soon too!**

Alex couldn’t help but giggle at the way Tobin could still have so much energy at 2:30 in the morning without a drop of alcohol in her system, _Well, except that beer,_ Alex thought, fondly recalling the memory as if it hadn’t only happened a few hours ago. She plugged in her phone and typed out one last response before preparing herself to drift to sleep.

**Lex :) : me too, goodnight toby :)**

**Toby :) : goodnight lex, sweet dreams :)**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what a night, right? Yeesh.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning of Ashlyn's birthday and everyone's ready for what Tobin and Kelley have planned for their best friend :)

Tobin groaned as she heard the steady beeping of her alarm and went to turn it off. She was going to wait for the next alarm to hit, until she saw the time. _7:15? My first alarm was set for 6:30, and then I had one at 6:45, what happened?_  She slowly began to crawl out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweats and a hat so she wouldn’t have to brush her hair. She started her way towards the door of her bedroom and then smelled pancakes. She smiled until she realized just what day it was and that she should be the one out there making pancakes. It’s Ashlyn’s birthday! _Why the hell didn’t my alarm go off!?_ She rushed into the kitchen to make sure she hadn't woken up too late.

“How many alarms did you have set, Tobin? I already turned off two of them,” Hope asked, feigning annoyance from the griddle as she poured another batch of pancakes.

“You turned my alarms off?” Tobin asked, entering the kitchen and sitting down, dropping her head in her hands.

“Yeah,” Hope replied with a laugh. “You look like you need coffee,” she said as she gestured towards the machine brewing behind her.

“You’re a lifesaver, Hope.” Tobin said, getting up to grab a mug. “So why are you up and cheery so early?”

“ _Dude_ , I just got to see Kelley for the first time in a month, I’m running on pure happiness right now,” she replied with a shrug as if it was obvious.

Tobin faked a gag, “Look Hope, I love both of you like crazy, but please, keep me out of any conversations pertaining to your sex life.”

“Shut up Tobin, nothing happened,” She responded with a laugh. “I’m just genuinely happy to see her. Not to mention you guys won quite the game yesterday, and now I get to spend the rest of weekend celebrating one of my best friend’s birthdays.”

Tobin nodded understandingly and poured coffee in her mug. “Hot! That was hot,” She muttered, spitting it into the sink as soon as she took a sip.

“You’re an idiot,” Hope shook her head as she flipped the pancakes, but Tobin’s mind was long gone.

Spitting in the sink made her remember what happened the night before. Christen arriving, Christen in the bedroom, Christen leaving. And then, _Alex_. Alex, who was quite possibly the most gorgeous girl she's ever seen. Sure, she'd seen Alex before but she had never really _noticed_ her. Alex checking on her when she choked, a long conversation with Alex. An almost fight. A slap that hit Ashlyn that was meant for, Tobin? That... couldn’t be right. Could it? Then, Christen being forced out of the house, Alex staying, Tobin walking Alex home, Alex _keeping Tobin’s jacket_. And then cute goodnight texts. Tobin couldn't even begin to remember the last time Christen had texted her to say goodnight.

“Tobin?” Hope asked, pulling her friend from her thoughts.

“Yeah?” She asked, quickly turning to Hope.

“I said, can you get out some dishes? Ash and the others need to wake up eventually and I figured it might as well be to breakfast.” Hope said, unloading bacon onto a plate.

“Yeah, right, of course,” Tobin said, rushing over to set the table. She began pouring orange juice as Hope walked over, setting pancakes and bacon on the plates.

“Where does Ashlyn usually sit?” Hope asked, holding a birthday candle.

“Right here,” Tobin replied picking up and setting back down the glass she had just filled.

“Cool,” Hope replied, walking over. “So, before anyone else gets up, do wanna tell me what happened last night?” Tobin began to turn away but Hope reached out for her arm and she froze. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay Tobs. You know you can talk to me, right?”

Tobin turned towards Hope and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. “I-- I don’t really know what happened." Tobin faltered, looking abck down at the ground. "I mean, things with Christen and I haven’t been great by any means, but they haven’t been bad either.”

Hope nodded, pretending  to agree even though she knew that with what she’s heard from Ashlyn and Kelley, things had indeed been bad.

“And last night, I don’t know, Christen and I were okay when she got here.”  _Really okay,_ she thought to herself, “But then she went into the living room and I struck up a conversation with Alex, who you met last night.”

Hope pursed her lips and nodded, prompting Tobin to continue.

“And Alex, well, Alex was nice. She was sweet and caring and we could hold a conversation incredibly well,”  _She was everything Christen isn’t,_ “And then Christen came in and just, got jealous I guess. I totally shouldn’t have been with Alex, though. That wasn’t okay.”

“She shouldn’t have been grinding on guys in the living room,” Hope muttered before she could stop herself.

“She-- she what?” Tobin asked with disbelief.

 _I shouldn’t have said that,_ Hope thought, “Look, Tobs, you’re being played. And it hurts to watch, this thing with Christen needs to end.”

“No, look, last night was my fault, I shouldn’t have been with Alex,” Tobin said, rushing into the kitchen.

“It really wasn't,” Hope said, but decided it would be better to not push things. Ending a relationship like this would be hard for Tobin.  _Christen has you wrapped around her finger._ “But look, Tobin, we’re here for you and we aren’t gonna rush you into anything. Now go wake up Ash and Ali, breakfast is ready."

 

\------------

 

Hope walked into Kelley’s bedroom and immediately leaned down to pepper kisses across her face. “Wake up, sleepyhead, breakfast time.”

Kelley let out a slight groan as she leaned up, but then remembered that Hope was here and it was Ashlyn’s birthday and she could smell bacon and pancakes and-- _W_ _as that coffee?_   She kissed her girlfriend back, now nearly wide awake. “Can you get me clothes?” she yawned, looking up at her girlfriend with the best puppy dog face she could manage.

Hope looked down at Kelley and groaned, but just walked over to the dresser and tossed the outfit she had already picked out onto the bed.

“How’d you know I wouldn’t wanna get dressed?” Kelley asked through another yawn.

“Oh come on, do you ever wanna get dressed when I’m around?” Hope smirked as she saw the pout forming on Kelley’s face.

“Not what I meant,” Kelley mumbled as Hope stepped out the door.

 

\------------

 

As Hope left the kitchen, Tobin went to the freezer, grabbing a water gun and filling it with ice cubes. It had become tradition to wake up the birthday girl with ice cold water from a squirt gun to the face.

She walked into the bedroom, armed with the camera app open on her phone in her left hand and the water gun in her right. "Good morning!" Tobin yelled, squirting at Ashlyn's face.

Ali dove under the blanket as she started to feel the splash coming off of Ashlyn's cheek.

"You're a real dick, Tobs!" Ashlyn yelled, following in suit of her girlfriend as she heard Tobin's camera shutter.

"You love me though! Happy birthday!" Tobin called back cheerily. "Breakfast is on the table," she finished, shutting the door behind her.

"Your roommates are assholes," Ali groaned, pulling the blanket away from her head.

"Eh, it's tradition, and it's one I started," Ashlyn shrugged. "Besides, it's my birthday!" She yelled, pulling Ali up out of bed with her.

 

\------------

 

Hope, Kelley, and Tobin sat at the table, joking around until Ashlyn and Ali finally joined them, “We’ve been waiting for you forever,” Hope groaned.

“Hey, it’s my birthday,” Ashlyn argued, pulling Ali behind her as they went to the table. “That’s practically a free pass to do whatever I want.”

Tobin stood up to get the lighter and walked over to light the single birthday candle Hope had smashed into the stack of pancakes. “Say cheese!” She yelled, taking a selfie with Ashlyn who gave her two thumbs up and a large smile.

The group enjoyed their breakfast together despite Ashlyn’s question of, “Presents now?” every five minutes.

“So, may I do the honors?” Ali asked, standing up from the table after most of the pancakes and all of the bacon had been cleared out.

“Presents!?” Ashlyn said excitedly, turning towards her girlfriend who was walking to the cabinet where Tobin and Kelley kept the cleaning supplies.

“No, bleach spray,” Ali replied seriously. “You threw quite the party last night.”

“What!? No way, it’s my birthday!” She whined, looking frantically at her friends surrounding the table who were all struggling to stifle their laughter.

“Oh calm down, I cleaned everything before you woke up,” Hope said, shaking her head.

“So, presents?” Ashlyn asked, returning to her giddy mood.

“Yes, dork,” Ali said, pulling down a small bag from the cabinet.

“Give it, give it, give it!” Ashlyn yelled, leaping out of her chair.

“Alright, Ash, are you sure you want a present yet? Are you ready for it?” Tobin asked jokingly, getting up and clapping a hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“Heck yeah I’m ready!” Ashlyn was buzzing with excitement as she reached out to the bag in Ali’s hands. She quickly ripped out the tissue paper and then pulled out a small piece of laminated paper. Across the top in handwriting she recognized as her grandmother’s she read the words, _Mac and Cheese_. A grin broke out across her face, as she skimmed her eyes through the recipe. On a whim, she turned it over, revealing what was scrawled onto the back. _You’re the mac to my cheese, I love you baby -Alexandra Krieger ♡  
_

Ashlyn looked up at her girlfriend, “You are literally the best person in the world!” She yelled, leaning forward and pressing their lips together, muffling Ali’s laughter.

“Okay, okay, break it up,” Kelley said, stepping towards the kissing couple. “Finish opening the bag,” she said with a slight smirk.

“There’s more?! You guys are the best!” she said, tearing into the rest of the bag.

“Yeah, we know,” Hope shrugged as Ashlyn pulled a polaroid camera out of the bag.

“A polaroid? You guys rock!” she said, setting the bag down. “Okay guys, all of you get together,” she said waving them towards each other as she turned around to snap a picture. “Wait! One last thing,” Ashlyn rushed into the kitchen, picking up a little bit of pancake batter on her finger and rushing back over to her spot.

“What are you--” Ali began to ask, but was quickly silenced as Ashlyn smeared the batter across her face.

“Smile!” Ashlyn yelled, snapping a photo before anyone could protest.

“Ash we weren’t looking!” Tobin yelled, still laughing at the shock and laughter on Ali’s face.

“Just finish opening the bag, Harris,” Hope said, continuing to laugh. “There’s one more thing.”

Ashlyn set the camera and drying photo onto the counter, reaching down into the bag one last time. “A photo?” She asked, “What is this  a picture of?” She asked, squinting at what seemed to be a close up of a sign.

“Hmm, I dunno, maybe you should figure it out?” Tobin asked jokingly, elbowing her friend in the ribs.

Ashlyn squinted for a few more seconds. “A sign! To the coffee shop, where we all went to after tryouts last year! The Daily Grind., she said with an affirmative nod. “It's where we all really became friends. But, what does this mean?”

It was now Kelley’s turn to taunt, “Why don’t you flip over the picture?” she suggested with a shrug.

Ashlyn quickly turned the picture over in her hands. _Birthday Scavenger Hunt_ , was in Tobin’s handwriting, _Go back to the beginning_ , in Kelley’s. “Today is going to be amazing,” she said. “Let’s go! I can’t wait!”

“Hey Tobin, text Alex from last night. I feel like she’d make good company for you today, and she’s still pretty new to town. We’re going to show her all around Chapel Hill, scavenger hunt style,” Ali said, laughing.

Tobin smiled and pulled out her phone, noticing a new message in her inbox.

**Pressy <3 : i’m sorry about last night baby, it just hurt seeing you w someone else :( come over and i can make it up to you? ;)**

Tobin thought about saying something to her friends but quickly decided against it and typed out a reply. She was going to say something about stopping by tonight, because Christen was trying, right? But then she recalled the memory of what Hope said before about Christen grinding on someone and she pushed the thought away from her.

**Toby :p : can’t, ashlyn’s bday. hang tomorrow? love u**

**Pressy <3 : can’t wait, love u too**

Tobin remembered why she originally pulled out her phone and typed out a quick message to Alex. After a second of trying to decide what to say, she opted for a photo message. She pulled up the selfie she took with Ashlyn and her stack of pancakes.

**Toby :) : awake yet? it’s ash’s birthday and i figured i could show you around town some :)**

Tobin slipped her phone back into her pocket and walked over to see what her friends were laughing at when noticed the newly developed picture Ashlyn took earlier; Hope had her arm around Kelley and they were both cracking up, Tobin had her eyes crinkled and a large grin across her face, and even Ali, who had a slight pout on her face along with pancake batter, was emanating with happiness.

Everyone agreed that Ashlyn couldn’t have taken a better photo if she tried.

 

\------------

 

Alex awoke to the sound of a chime from her phone. _Who could possibly be texting me this early in the morning,_ she thought to herself but as she grabbed her phone, she saw the time was already 8:27. She noticed a voicemail from a number she didn’t recognize, but as soon as she began to play it, she recognized Servando’s voice and realized that Sydney must have deleted his number.

 _Hey Alex, I know I said we aren’t working because like, distance or something, I don’t remember. But then my bros talked some sense into me._ He was slurring every other word but Alex couldn’t help but smile, because this sounded like an apology, like he wanted her back. _They reminded me just how fucking hot you are, and I was like, shit, you’re right! How could I let a piece of ass like that go?_ The line clicked after a few loud laughs from him and his friends.

Alex didn’t want to move. Her head hurt from the alcohol and her muscles were sore from the game, but mostly her heart ached. _How...how could he say that?_ Alex felt herself almost crying as all of her insecurities ripped through her at once. Echoes of, _Guys will only ever like you for your looks,_ or, _What do you mean you’re single? I’d hit that,_ and worst of all, _You’ll never be taken seriously as an athlete. You may seem popular, but all that attention is just because you’re hot. This is why women athletes get a bad rep,_ launched themselves through her mind. She tried to hold herself together and then her phone beeped a reminder for the text that had come in moments before.

Alex read the text from Tobin and laughed at the picture, thinking she would love nothing more than for Tobin to show her around town. Hopping out of bed, she threw on jeans and a v-neck, then quickly did some light makeup and fixed her hair. She left a note on the fridge, telling Sydney that she would be out, and left the dorm as she typed out a reply to Tobin, silently thanking the midfielder for being able to put her in such good spirits after waking up to Servando’s voicemail.

**Lex :) : i’d love to, where should i meet you?**

Tobin texted back almost immediately, leaving Alex to wonder if she’d been waiting to receive the message, or if it was just coincidence.

**Toby :) : just stay at your dorm! the gang and i are taking ash on a scavenger hunt and we’ll be going to the daily grind in just a few, we’ll pick you up on the way there :)**

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scavenger hunt continues

“So are you gonna tell us more about Alex?” Ali asked as the five of them walked down the sidewalk.

“I don’t know, we’re just friends. I noticed her at the party and we just kind of hit it off I guess,” Tobin shrugged, not knowing if she should mention that it felt like she could have talked to Alex for eternity, or the way she looked in her jacket made her heart flutter, or how her touch burned across her skin in the best way. She decided not to mention it.

“Well good, you need more friends, I’m getting tired of you,” Ashlyn joked.

“Hey, I planned this whole thing.” Tobin replied, earning slaps from Kelley and Ali on each shoulder.

“Did not.” Kelley fired back, almost knocking Hope over as she turned to hit Tobin’s shoulder.

“Babe, calm down,” Hope said with a laugh as she steadied herself. “So where is your new friend meeting us?”

“Her dorm is actually right along the way, I figured we’d just meet her as we headed to the coffee shop,” Tobin shrugged.

Ashlyn looked at her girlfriend who was on the other side of the sidewalk. _I love this scavenger hunt idea, and I’m extremely excited to go see the town with you guys, but can’t you, I don’t know, hold my hand?_

Ali looked up and Ashlyn caught her eye, but then she directed her gaze back at the ground.

_Or even stand next to me. Jesus Christ, Ali. I know we can’t be out but you’re still my friend._

Hope glanced over at Ashlyn and saw the sadness in her eyes. Leaning down, she whispered something in Kelley’s ear. “Let’s be a little less couplish, yeah? Ash is sad, go stand by Ali.”

Kelley nodded and broke away from Hope as she walked up towards Ashlyn. “So you’re  quite the wimp, aren’t you Harris? I mean, it took me all of five seconds to pin you last night.”

Ashlyn pulled herself out of her thoughts, “I was drunk, that doesn’t count.”

Hope just smirked, “I dunno, I’m pretty sure I could take you sober too,” Hope stretched, making a point to flex her arms. “I mean, just look at me.”

Kelley started giggling and Ali laughed, “Did you tell Hope to do that?” Ali asked, turning towards the freckled girl slightly to her left.

“Nah,” she said back, “I think Ash is just a little sad though, she really wants you guys to finally be out, y’know?”

Ali gave her a strained smile, “I know that, but she understands, right? We can’t be out. It wouldn’t end well. Ashlyn knows that.”  _She understands, right?_

“Yeah, yeah of course,” Kelley said with a shrug. “She just really loves you.”

Ali was about to respond until she noticed Alex just a few feet in front of them.

“Hey!” Tobin said, jogging up towards the girl. “Are you ready?”

“Definitely,” Alex broke out into a smile.  _Wow, you look gorgeous,_ She thought to herself as Tobin approached.

“So you know everyone, right?” Tobin asked gesturing back to the group of friends behind her, “From practices and stuff?”

“For the most part,” Alex replied with a shrug, immediately looking towards Hope.

“Hi, I’m Hope. I don’t think we officially got introduced last night,” she said, sticking her hand out to Alex.

“Hope? Like, Hope Solo? Like, the professional soccer player, Hope Solo?” Alex blurted before she could stop herself.

“Uh yeah, that one,” Hope let out a small smile.  _Am I being...recognized?_

“You’re a legend!” Alex said, and the whole group laughed. “Sorry, am I-- am I being weird? I’m so sorry it’s just, I saw you last night and for a second I thought _maybe_ you were her but I just chalked it up to the alcohol and now I’m sober and-- and you’re _the_ Hope Solo.”

Hope laughed, _This feels good,_ “No, it’s okay,” she said, still laughing. “This is good for my ego.”

“You don’t need any help with your ego,” Kelley responded, sliding over to Hope's side. “Yes, this is the Hope Solo and maybe today you’ll see how much of a dork she really is.”

 _Hope Solo? A dork? Impossible,_ Alex thought, but then she saw the way Hope’s eyes lit up and her smile softened as Kelley spoke, _Maybe not so impossible._

Hope grabbed Kelley’s hand and kissed it, “I’m not just any dork, I’m your dork.” She said turning to Kelley with a smile.

Kelly grinned, her nose crinkling.

Tobin let out a laugh at her two friends and caught the way Ali and Ashlyn were looking at each other, eyes full of adoration. “Alright guys, let’s go, we’re on a schedule!” Tobin called out, grabbing Alex’s hand subconsciously and pulling her to the right so they could all continue on their scavenger hunt.

\------------

 

They arrived at the coffee shop and as they entered Tobin realized what she had been doing and let go of Alex’s hand.

 _Fuck, was that weird? Friend’s hold hands, right?_ She silently thanked God for Christen not being anywhere near.

 _Why did she let go? Oh shut up, Alex. She has a girlfriend, or, a something._ Alex cursed herself for even thinking about Tobin in that way.

“What’s next?” Ashlyn asked, looking around the coffee shop.

“You have to find the next clue,” Ali said, laughing at the excitement of her girlfriend.

“Ugh, I need coffee before I can try and look for another clue,” Ashlyn walked over to the barista to order her usual as Tobin whispered into Alex’s ear.

“Go tell the barista it’s Ashlyn’s birthday,” Tobin said, pushing Alex slightly towards the counter.

“Alright?” Alex shrugged and walked up to the counter. “Wait Ashlyn, let me buy your drink, it’s your birthday,” she said pulling out her wallet.

“Are you sure Alex? You really don’t have to,” Ashlyn replied, shaking her head.

“Positive,” Alex replied. “I’ll be paying for whatever the birthday girl’s having and a Caramel Ribbon Crunch,” she said, handing over her card.

“Birthday girl?” The barista asked as she swiped the card, “Did you say your name was Ashlyn?”

“Uh, yeah?” Ashlyn said looking between Alex and the barista, confused as to what was happening.

“I was told to give this to a birthday girl named Ashlyn,” she said, handing over the drinks and another polaroid picture.

“Alex! Another clue!” Ashlyn yelled, pulling the girl she hardly knew into a close hug.

“That’s awesome!” Alex replied, happy that Tobin had allowed her to be part of the scavenger hunt.

“You guys found something?” Tobin asked with a knowing look as Hope, Kelley, and Ali went to order their own drinks.

“Yeah Tobs! It’s a clue, let’s go!” She said, grabbing her friend’s arm.

“We still need our coffee, Ash!” Ali called, walking over with two drinks in her hands, handing an Iced Caramel Macchiato to Tobin. “Besides, we have all day, we aren’t in a rush.”

“Yeah,” Tobin continued, taking the drink from Ali. “We don’t have to be to lunch till half past noon and it’s only 9:30.”

“Well we need to kill time till lunch so we might as well work out the clue, right?” Ashlyn asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.

Ali grabbed her hand and pulled her over to a booth, “Sure, babe, let’s figure it out.”

 _Babe? You’re holding my hand? Ali, we’re in public,_ But Ashlyn wasn’t about to complain.

Everyone followed the two over to the table. “So who all knows what the clues are?” Ashlyn asked, looking up from her spot in the booth next to Ali.

“Just Kelley and I, but Ali knows most of it,” Tobin responded, pulling chairs over for Alex and herself as Kelley and Hope sat in the booth opposite of Ashlyn and Ali.

“Hope and Alex, wanna help me figure out where this could be?” Ashlyn asked, pushing the picture forward and turning it over, revealing a rhyme on the back: _Return to the place you once thought your future was gone, there you shall find something new to ride on._

\------------

After nearly an hour of theories and small talk, Ashlyn finally noticed a distinct scrape on cement in the corner of the picture. “The skatepark! Where I fell and broke my wrist last year!” Ashlyn yelled, pointing at the mark. “That’s where my board broke! That mark is from the truck scraping across and snapping at the corner, making me fall.”

“Excuse me?” Ali asked, turning towards Ashlyn. “You didn’t tell me you broke your wrist skateboarding!”

“I didn’t? That’s funny, I would’ve sworn I mentioned it,” Ashlyn said quickly, realizing she just revealed the secret she’d been keeping for almost eight months now. _Fuck, now she’s gonna be pissed. It’s my birthday, let me live, Ali._

“You are unbelievable, why are you still riding that thing?” She asked with a scoff.

Tobin and Kelley started laughing uncontrollably at the scene unfolding in front of them, while Hope just shook her head with a smile and Alex looked around confused.

“You broke your wrist and you’re still as good as you are now?” Alex asked, disbelief in her voice.

Ali stopped her scolding and turned around to the see Alex, “Yes, she did,” Ali said proudly. “She thought her entire career as a goalkeeper was lost but she fought through it.”

“I’m really not that good,” Ashlyn said, looking down as she received the compliment. _No one compliments me, especially not if Hope is anywhere near._

“Dude, yeah you are,” Alex said. “Yesterday you made saves that I thought were impossible. As a forward? I’m so glad we’re on the same team, I’d never make another shot.”

Ashlyn gave a huge smile, “Thank you Alex, that means the world to me,” she said honestly, the smile not leaving her face. “Now let’s go to the skate park!”

Ashlyn rushed out the door before Ali had a chance to say anything.

“Thank you,” Tobin said to Alex as they followed the group out the door. “For doing that, I mean. For saying that stuff.”

“Of course,” Alex gave a warm smile to Tobin. “After all, it’s true.”

\------------

 

They arrived at the skate park and Ashlyn walked over to the mark on the cement. “Well, I’m where I thought everything was gone, where’s whatever the rest of the rhyme was about?”

“Let’s look around for another clue?” Alex offered, starting to look around the skatepark.

“I like your new friend, Tobs!” Ashlyn said, following Alex’s suggestion and beginning to look around as well.

“I do too,” Ali said. “She makes you a lot happier than Christen ever has.”

Tobin cringed at the mention of Christen.  _Why do you have to bring her up? She really isn't even all that bad. Sometimes._ “She’s just a friend, and we just started talking last night.”

“Maybe, but anyone with eyes can see that there’s a connection between you two,” Ali shrugged.

“It’s true,” Hope said from the opposite side of Kelley, farther down the bench they were all on. “And I suck with relationships.”

“You’re doing pretty well in this one,” Kelley said, leaning up to kiss Hope’s cheek.

“Kelley, incase you didn’t remember, the first time I tried to ask you out I ended up inviting the whole team and Ashlyn was the only person I kissed that night,” Hope said, looking down at her girlfriend.

They all laughed as they remembered that night.

_It was the night they had won the NCAA Championship the year before and all Hope did was try to ask Kelley out to celebrate the win, but Megan overheard her and the entire team ended up going to Hope’s apartment. Abby brought tequila and the girls stayed up all night, doing shots and playing Truth or Dare. Ashlyn ended up having to do five dares when she refused to answer the question, “Do you have feelings for someone on the team, and if so, who?” to protect hers and Ali’s cover, one of which was, “Make out with the three people you believed were the MVPs of the game,” thus resulting in her kissing Abby, Hope, and Becky._

“We all know the only reason Abby chose that dare was because she wanted Ashlyn to say that she was the reason we won the game,” Tobin said with a laugh.

“And I’m pretty sure she wanted to make out with Ashlyn. Ash is a good kisser,” Kelley said with a shrug.

Ali turned to Kelley, looking confused, “How do you know how good of a kisser Ashlyn is?” She asked, “I thought the only people she kissed that night were Abby, Hope, Carli, Megan, Broon, and HAO?”

“Uh, I don’t think you can say only if your list includes six people,” Tobin said with a laugh.

“Besides, we’ve been to loads of parties with her, do you really think Tobin and I have never been dared to make out with someone?” Kelley asked, trying to hold back laughter.

“Why ya gotta drag me into this, Kell?” Tobin asked, laughing harder. “She’s right though, y’know. Two of the three things Ashlyn loves most in the world are shots and party games.”

“What’s the other one?” Ali asked, looking over at her girlfriend who was running up and down half pipes.

“You, idiot,” Kelley finished. “After that it’s me, then surfing, then Tobin.”

“We’re tied!” Tobin said, “Then soccer, then surfing.”

In reality, it was more like Ali, then Tobin and Kelley, then soccer, surfing, shots, and party games. But for argument’s sake they decided not to go too deeply into specifics.

Ali laughed, it was obvious that they’d had this conversation before. She looked longingly at her girlfriend, _I love you, Ash. I really do. I wish I could give you what you want, I wish we could be out of the closet together, I just, I’m scared. For us, for you._

“We got it! We found a clue!” Ashlyn yelled, running over to the bench, Alex following quickly behind. “Alex found it, poking out from under a rock by the tree I climbed, and fell out of, last fall.”

Ali rolled her eyes at the reminder of yet another one of Ashlyn's injuries.

“Well, what is it?” Hope asked, standing up and walking over.

“Another picture, I think it’s the skate shop down the road, is that where my something new to ride on is?” Ashlyn asked excitedly.

“ _Good job spotting this clue by the tree, but you are far from the end of your journey. The next stop is somewhere you’ve eyed, something you long to be your ride,_ ” Hope read off the back. “It sure sounds that way, did you even read this?”

“Nope, that’s what you’re here for though, let’s go!” Ashlyn said, starting down the sidewalk.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch, presents, and bonding? Tobin is getting a crush (maybe, but don't tell Alex), Alex is getting a crush (definitely, but don't tell Tobin), Ashlyn's tired of not being able to love Ali in public (and someone should really tell her), and who knew Hope was such a softie? (Kelley did, of course)

They got to the skate shop just past 11 o’clock. “So how do I get my new ride?” Ashlyn asked as they all stood outside the door.

“Try asking the guy if he has any birthday specials for you,” Kelley said with a wink.

Ashlyn nodded and walked into the store, followed by Hope and Alex. “Do you have any, uh, birthday specials?” She asked nervously.

The guy looked up from his phone, “Your name Ashlyn?” 

“Indeed, sir,” she nodded.

“I believe this is yours,” he pulled a beautiful new board out from behind the counter. "Happy birthday,” he said as he handed it to her.

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” She rushed out of the store. “You guys are honestly the best,” she said, looking between Tobin, Kelley, and Ali. Ashlyn pulled another polaroid off of the bottom of the board. “What could this be?” she asked, looking at the photo. She handed it to Alex and began to try out her new skateboard.

“ _Leave this gift at your place, then you can continue your chase._  Maybe the next clue’s at your apartment? This looks like a picture of a mail slot,” Alex said, holding out the photo at an odd angle to get a better view, and then to Hope for a second opinion.

“Yeah, I agree, back to your place it is,” Hope said, leading the way.

As they left for the apartment, the group redivided themselves into two groups; Hope, Alex, and Ashlyn at the front, with Ali, Tobin, and Kelley trailing behind.

\------------

"So how do you really feel about Alex?" Kelley pushed, looking over at her two friends.

“We’re just friends, besides, I have a girlfriend,” Tobin replied. _I don’t know how I feel about Alex. Not the way friends should feel. Not the way someone as straight as she is could ever feel about me._

“Oh come on Tobin, you need to drop Christen, she’s really no good for you,” Ali started, shaking her head.

“Yeah, do you remember what happened last night?” Kelley glared at Tobin, “She tried to hit you.”

“I shouldn’t have been flirting with Alex,” Tobin said quickly.  _That wasn't Christen's fault, it was mine._

"You weren’t flirting, and even if you were, Christen has no right to talk,” Ali replied. “She’s not exactly the model girlfriend.”

“Look guys, let’s just drop it for now, alright? Today’s Ashlyn’s day,” Tobin said as they neared the apartment.

\------------

“Here’s the clue!” Ashlyn said, pulling another polaroid picture out of their mail slot in the lobby.

“Awesome,” Alex said encouragingly. “What’s it say?”

Tobin smiled as she watched her new friend -  _Crush? No._ \- Get along with Ashlyn.

“ _It’s nearing time to grab a bite to eat, go to where you sent your first campus tweet._ The fuck does that mean?” Ashlyn asked, looking up from the picture in her hands.

“Where did your first tweet about the campus come from?” Tobin hinted as she and the others caught up.

“That was forever ago!” Ashlyn groaned as she pulled out her phone.

Alex walked over to Tobin, “I think I’ve seen more of this town today than I have since I moved here, thank you for this,” Alex said, placing a soft kiss on Tobin’s cheek. _Was that too much?_ Alex thought momentarily before shrugging it off.

Tobin blushed as soon as she felt Alex’s lips graze against her skin, “Of-- of course, so, you’re having fun?” She asked, pulling away. _What are Kelley and Ali gonna say about that?_

“Loads,” Alex replied with nearly a whisper, resting her hand on Tobin’s bicep.

 _Wow_ , Tobin thought as she felt Alex’s breath brush against her ear. The way Alex was making her feel had to be all _kinds_ of illegal.

“Got it!” Ashlyn yelled, pulling Tobin away from the small conversation she and Alex had been having. "After a tour of this campus and a perfect lunch at @ArmadilloGrill, I think I’ve made my decision! #UNC #YourGirlsGoingToCollege,” she read off of her phone.

“That’s a Mexican place, right?” Hope asked, looking at the close up photo of a glass plate with what was quite possibly a tortilla on it.

“Yep!” Kelley said cheerily, walking over and grabbing Hope’s hand.

“Awesome, let’s go!” Alex said, pulling Tobin’s hand so they could follow Ashlyn together.

 

\------------

Ali walked into the restaurant and requested a table for six. Ashlyn quickly followed, stepping in and sliding an arm around Ali’s waist.

“What are you doing?” Ali asked, pulling away. _We can’t do this, not here, not now. I'm-- I’m not ready, I’m sorry._

“Sorry, I just, I don’t know what I was thinking,” Ashlyn responded, looking down to the floor as she let her arm fall. _And to think I believed today would be perfect,_ Ashlyn thought bitterly. She wanted to respect Ali’s boundaries, she really did. It was just hard to resist.

They all followed the waiter over and seated themselves into the large booth. Ali, Ashlyn, and Kelley on one side, Alex, Tobin, and Hope on the other. After ordering and casual conversation about anything ranging from soccer, to classes, to possible holiday plans, Kelley began to notice Hope was engrossed in her phone.

“What’re you doing, babe?” Kelley asked, reaching across the table to brush Hope’s fingers with her own.

“Just checking stats from the week,” Hope replied, pulling her hands back a little.

\------------

Tobin was talking to Alex until she felt a vibration in her pocket.

**Irish Squirrel : what is hope doing on her phone**

**Tobs : you want me to creep on your girlfriend?**

**Irish Squirrel : just a little**

**Tobin glanced over at Hope’s hands to the left and saw her scrolling through picture after picture of Kelley.**

**Tobs : she’s stalking your instagram, what a dork**

Kelley quirked an eyebrow as she read the text, but then nodded. “Hope, will you go to the bathroom with me?”

“Uh, sure?” Hope said, getting up to follow her girlfriend.

“Why were you going through my instagram?” Kelley asked as soon as the door closed behind them.

“How did you know?” Hope questioned, “Did I like a photo?” She began to reach towards her pocket to check her phone.

“No, I could tell you were lying about checking stats, so I had Tobin look at your phone,” she explained with a shrug. “So what were you doing?”

Hope let out a small laugh. _Of course you could tell I was lying, if anyone could tell, it would be you._ “I was just, I don’t know. I started to think too much about just how much of your life I’m missing. I miss you every second we aren’t together,” Hope replied. “You’re still here in college and I’m traveling across the country for games, we hardly get to see each other.” Hope sighed and looked at the ground.

“Baby, we can make this work,” Kelley reached her right hand down to Hope’s left and used her other hand to push Hope’s chin up. “You’re mine and I’m yours, no matter how far away we are. And offseason is coming up for the both of us.” She leaned forward and kissed Hope slowly. “Distance can kiss my ass, because we’re gonna make this work. It’s you and I against the world, Hope.”

“Tell distance that ass is mine,” Hope said with a smirk as she leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend again. “You're right, you and me against the world. We can do this.”

Kelley smiled, “Don’t lie to me next time you snoop on my instagram, okay? I mean, if you wanted to see my beautiful face you could’ve just asked. Pictures are for when your girlfriend _isn’t_ sitting across the table from you.”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry,” Hope said, leaning down to kiss Kelley one last time. _You’re the best. You inspire me everyday, pushing me to become a stronger and better person._ “You’re my everything, Miss O’Hara.”

“And you’re mine, Mrs. O’Hara,” Kelley replied with a giggle.

“If you think I’m taking your last name you need a reality check,” Hope said with a joking glare.

“Hope O’Hara, it sounds good!” Kelley argued back.

“It sounds horrid, Kelley Solo sounds _far_ better,” Hope insisted as she threw an arm around her girlfriend.

 _It does,_ “Whatever, Hope. Let’s go back to the table. Our food is probably here,” Kelley suggested, leading them out of the bathroom.

\------------

As they were all finishing up their lunch, the waiter brought over a plate with a piece of cake on it. “For the birthday girl,” he explained, setting the cake down in front of Ashlyn.

“Sweet,” Ashlyn said as she picked her fork to dig into the cake. Before long, and with some help from Ali, it was reduced to crumbs. “So where’s the next clue?” She looked between Hope and Alex as if to ask for help.

“I actually know where this next place is, so I’m gonna have to pass on this one,” Hope said. “Clue’s under the plate though.”

“Cool,” Ashlyn said with a nod, lifting her plate and pulling the picture off. She looked it over for a second, then handed it to Alex. “What do you think?”

Alex looked over the picture which seemed to be a close up shot taken from the ground of a goal post. She could see the grass, chalk line, post and netting in the shot. Flipping it over, she read the back, “ _Go to where you’ve fought it all, through every tear and every fall. After battling through your pain, there is something you shall gain._ " She looked up from the photo, “It’s gotta be a soccer field, do you have a favorite training ground maybe?”

“Hope! It’s gotta be where Hope and I would always train,” Ashlyn said, getting up after receiving a wink from Hope, excited for the next step as Tobin paid the bill.

\------------

Ashlyn walked onto the field with Hope following closely behind. “There’s a gift here for you kid, this one’s from me,” she said, taking another step forward and placing her hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder.

Ashlyn walked around the field for a little while until she finally gave up. “I can’t find it, there’s literally no place to hide it here. I give up,” she began to pout as she sat down on the grass.

Alex walked away from where she’d been talking to Tobin. _Come on, you can’t give up now._ “Hey Ash, what about the locker rooms? Do you wanna check there?”

Ashlyn took Alex’s offered hand and pulled herself up off the ground, “Sure Alex, thanks for being such a big help today,” the two of them walked into the locker room together. “I don’t even know where to start,” Ashlyn said with a shrug.

“We could try some lockers? I don’t know either,” she responded truthfully.

“Hey Alex? Can I, can I tell you something? It’s just, it’s my birthday and I want everyone to know but I can’t tell anyone and-- I don’t know, you seem like someone I can trust. I just wanna tell someone,” Ashlyn sat down on the bench and laid her head in her hands.

“Of course, anything,” she said sitting down next to her and reaching out to put a hand on her arm, “I’m here for you Ash.”

  
“I, uh, I’m in love with Ali.” _Shit, should I have said that? Am I making a mistake? Is Ali gonna be mad? Does Ali even want me anymore?_

“Are you guys together?” Alex asked, _Are you guys… dating? Or is this like an 'I'm in love with my best friend who doesn't love me back because she's straight' thing?_ Alex figured that whatever pushed Ashlyn to tell her was really important because the girl looked as if she was near tears.

"I, we-- Yeah? Kinda? I don't know anymore," Ashlyn said, looking up at Alex, her eyes brimming with tears. _I can't even honestly say if we're together or not. Jesus fucking Christ, how did we get so bad? So awkward?_

"What do you mean?" Alex asked cautiously, putting her arm around Ashlyn's shoulders as she began to tremble.

Ashlyn turned towards Alex, pulling her into a hug and letting sobs loose into her shoulder. "I don't know... I just don't know," her crying continued as Alex just nodded, not knowing what she should do to comfort her.

"Hey, Ashlyn, you're gonna be okay. Just talk to me, what happened?" Alex said, rubbing soothing patterns into Ashlyn's back.

Ashlyn sniffed as she pulled back from Alex, noticing the tears staining her shirt. "Well, we're together, but we aren't out. And I don't know, I just thought that with today being my birthday things would be different and I would be able to hold her hand and call her mine, but instead she's shying away from my touch and walking on the other side of the sidewalk. At lunch she wouldn't even hold my hand under the table or anything. I mean really, it's my fucking birthday, I thought we'd be able to be out and proud but it just feels like she's ashamed of me, y'know?"

Alex nodded solemnly, "Yes I do, I was with someone like that in high school."

"He was ashamed of you?" Ashlyn asked, making eye contact with Alex.

 _Am I really doing this?_  "She was," Alex corrected.

"Shit, you like girls?" Ashlyn let out a laugh because after what she'd seen today she could tell Tobin had a bit of a crush, she could always tell with her best friend, but Alex just screamed straight girl.

Alex laughed as well, "Occasionally."

"So what happened with you and your High School sweetheart?" Ashlyn asked, wiping away some of the tears still on her cheeks.

"Well, we broke up," Alex let out a small sigh.

Ashlyn looked at her with a sad look. _Is that gonna happen to Ali and I? Is Ali just a small part of the bigger picture in my life?_

"I really liked her, but after awhile, I just realized I didn't love her. She wasn't worth the risk to be out. It killed me to be with someone and not be with them, y'know?" Alex shrugged, "But you and Ali aren't like that, right?" She asked hopefully.

"Ali's worth everything in the world to me," Ashlyn admitted. "I wouldn't know what to do without her."

"So is she worth it?" Alex pushed, _Who knew getting my heart broken in High School would make a friend stop crying on her birthday?_ She almost laughed at sheer ridiculousness of it.

"Yeah, I think so at least. I mean, before there was no doubt in my mind, but recently," Ashlyn let out a sigh, "Recently I just feel like she doesn't care as much as she used to.”

“Hey dude, things are gonna be alright. Besides, it’s your birthday,” Alex stood up and walked over to a sink, grabbing some paper towels. “So what do you say we clean you up, find your gift, and go out there and finish this scavenger hunt like a couple of badasses?”

Ashlyn laughed again, “I’m sorry I never talked to you before, Alex. You’re really cool,” And I just totally shrugged you off. _You were the new kid, and I did nothing._

“Don’t sweat it, we’re friends now, right?” Alex handed over the paper towels. “Let’s check in some lockers, I have a feeling we’ll find it there.”

Ashlyn stood up, wiping away any tears she had left and walking up to the locker Hope had passed down to her after she graduated. “It’s this one,” Ashlyn said, raising a hand to open it. “It's gotta be.”

Alex walked over, “Open it.”

Ashlyn nodded, opening to reveal a gift box. She pulled it out and sitting on top of it were pictures of her and Hope from their countless training sessions. In the first, Ashlyn was leaping for a ball Hope had just kicked towards the top right corner of the goal and both of their faces were extremely serious. Ashlyn recognized it as the night she had told Hope she wanted to quit, that she believed she couldn’t do it anymore. In the second, Hope had her arm around Ashlyn and they both had bright shining smiles.

Ashlyn flipped the photos over and began to read them. The first one said, _I’ve never met a player with so much potential and passion for the sport. You’ve made huge strides since you’ve gotten here and I’m extremely glad I got to meet you and we became as close as we have. We may have our ups and downs, but you are one of the greatest people I know. It was truly an honor to train with you and I believe it helped shape us both into the players we are today. -Hope Solo_

The second one, _You are one of the best friends I could ever ask for. Thank you for making me a better person both on and off the pitch and reminding me that it’s okay to let loose and have fun sometimes. Even if it can be bad for my liver. I love you, Ash. -Your Favorite Keeper Ever, Hope Solo_

Ashlyn handed the photos over to Alex to let her to read and then turned to leave the locker room.

“Wait, Ash,” Alex said quickly, laying down her pictures on the bench. “My shoulder’s soaked, we have to do something. We can’t let them know you were crying.”

Ashlyn looked around for something to do but after checking five lockers, she realized that the only thing she would find in them are smelly jerseys.

“I have an idea!” Alex, said, jogging over to one of the showers and turning it on until the top of her shirt was dripping wet.

“Alex, what the fuck?” Ashlyn asked trying to keep herself from laughing or staring, _Why do you have to be wearing a white shirt?_

“Well now it just looks like I had a shower malfunction,” Alex said with a shrug.

“Okay, but it’s the middle of October and you’re soaking wet. _And_  you’re wearing a white shirt,” Ashlyn said as Alex looked down and noticed that her pink bra was very obviously showing through her now practically see-through shirt.

“Wait! Tobin keeps an extra UNC hoodie and shirt in her locker, they won’t smell great, but you won’t get sick either,” Ashlyn said as she jogged over and tossed the clothes to Alex.

“You don’t think Tobin will mind?” Alex asked, pulling off her shirt. _Wow, wearing the girl’s clothes twice in twenty four hours, I move quickly._ She joked to herself. _And her other jacket’s still in my dorm._

 _Tobin might just pass out seeing a pretty girl like you in her clothes,_ “Nah, I don’t think so. Are we ready to go now?” Ashlyn asked, picking up the box and the pictures.

“Wait, Ashlyn, can I ask you a question real quick?” Alex asked nervously.

“Dude, I was crying on your shoulder like five minutes ago, you can ask me just about anything,” she replied with a laugh.

“What’s the deal between Tobin and Christen? What are they?” Alex looked down at her shoes, worried about the reply.

Ashlyn gave her a small laugh, “They are, as far as I know, still dating.”

Alex let out a small sigh as she nodded in response.

“However,” Ashlyn continued, “After last night’s fiasco they won’t be for long. Kell and I are gonna talk some sense into her, Christen’s really no good for her.”

“Yeah,” Alex nearly laughed in agreement. “She’s constantly at the bar, sticking her tongue down the throat of anyone that catches her eye. Tobin deserves better,” She said bitterly. _I could be better for her,_ she thought unwillingly.

“I know, but Christen’s been playing her for a while,” Ashlyn started with a sigh. “Tobin’s been hurt before and I think she’s just tired of feeling unlovable. She wants to think Christen loves her, so she’ll hold on to it as tightly as she can.”

Alex nodded, pressing her lips together into a thin line to keep herself from saying what was running through her mind. _I could love her, tell Tobin I could love her. I’ve seen her at long practices and games. Bus rides and weekend trips. She’s in a better mood when Christen isn’t there and dammit I could make her even happier. Servando broke me but that was a week ago and Tobin makes me happy. She makes me smile like he never did and I think I could return the favor._

This was weird for Alex, to feel as if she could move on so quickly from someone who hurt her so deeply. Servando’s voicemail from this morning had ripped the wound back open, but today with Tobin and her friends had made her feel whole again. Tobin’s absent minded touches made her feel warm for the first time since she and Servando had last seen each other. It was different with Tobin, though. Lighter, more carefree. Better.

“Do you like her, Alex?” Ashlyn asked, eyeing the girl in front of her carefully, worried she may be striking a nerve.

“I think I might,” Alex replied after a few moments of silence. _Tobin’s different than Servando. Tobin doesn’t judge me. She doesn’t just like me for my looks. She makes me feel appreciated._ “I think I might like her a lot,” Alex admitted, nervous for Ashlyn’s reaction.

Ashlyn smiled, putting Alex’s worries at ease. “I think you could be good for Tobin,” Ashlyn said, picking the gift box and pictures back up, heading towards the door. “Now let’s go show her how hot you look in her clothes.”

Alex blushed slightly as she rushed after Ashlyn to leave the building.

\------------

“If they’re not back in 30 seconds, I’m going in there,” Kelley said, clearly getting annoyed.

“It isn’t even _hidden_ it’s just in her locker,” Hope said with a groan.

Tobin shrugged, “Just give it--”

“We found it!” Ashlyn yelled, jogging over.

“What took so long?” Kelley asked as Alex and Ashlyn reached them.

 _I was a little busy crying about the future of my relationship,_ Ashlyn thought as she tried to come up with something.

"Shower malfunction! I bumped into the handle," Alex said.

"Yeah! I accidentally tripped her into the stall," Ashlyn agreed quickly. "Then we had to find her some new clothes. I let her borrow your extra UNC shirt and hoodie, hope you don't mind, Tobs."

 _How could I possible be bothered that a beautiful girl is wearing my clothing,_ Tobin wrenched herself out of her own thoughts. "No-- no, of course not." She stuttered, swallowing hard.

"You look good in Carolina Blue, Morgan. Much better than those gross Cali colors you sported last year," Ali joked.

"Yeah, I guess," Alex giggled. _Why are Tobin's clothes so damn comfortable?_

"Open the gift!" Kelley yelled, "Hope wouldn't tell me what it was. She was afraid I'd let it spill."

Ashlyn smiled and ripped into the packaging. She pulled the lid off and stared at the contents of the box with awe. "Are these-- Hope, this is too much."

Hope just smirked. "Take them out Harris, let everyone else see what a great friend I am."

Ashlyn nodded as she pulled a pair of goalie gloves signed by Manuel Neuer. "Hope, this is incredible! How-- how did you get these?"

"I knew your birthday was coming when I signed with the Seattle Reign," Hope said with a shrug. "Thought I'd see what I could do and I was able to talk to US Soccer, who got in touch with the guys over at Germany."

Ashlyn pulled Hope into a strong hug. "You're the best, Hope. Really. Thank you so much. And those pictures and what you wrote and just-- wow. Thank you, Hope."

Hope smiled as she hugged Ashlyn back. "Of course, kid. I can't wait till you join me in the pros in a few years."

"I love you, Hope." Ashlyn said sincerely, "I can't wait to join you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, I quite possibly owe you the future of my career."

"I love you too, now quit getting all sappy on me," Hope said with a light punch to Ashlyn's shoulder. "Look at the clue so we can go to dinner, it's getting dark."

"Alright, alright," Ashlyn pulled off a polaroid that had been taped to the bottom of the box. “It’s a picture of the sign at that asian restaurant, Lantern. Isn’t this where we went on our first date?” She asked, turning to Ali.

 _You remembered,_ “Yeah, it is," Ali smiled." "Now read the back so we can get going, alright?” _Babe, baby, honey, sweetie. I wanna call you every pet name in the world. I love you._

“Okay,” _For someone who’s making a stop on this scavenger hunt at where we went on our first date you sure aren’t acting like my girlfriend,_ Ashlyn thought bitterly. “ _Go to where you took Princess on your first date. Reservations at 7:30, don’t be late! After that there is one more clue, where one last gift is waiting for you!"_  She read off the back, “Ready to go?”

Everyone paired off into couples as they began their walk and Ashlyn couldn’t help but smile as Ali bravely slid her arm into the crook of Ashlyn’s elbow, holding her forearm.

Ashlyn smiled, contact this affectionate - in _public_ , nonetheless - felt kind of wonderful.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Alex are slowly beginning to blur the line between friendship and something more, Ali's distant again, and they all go out for dinner. They end Ashlyn's birthday adventure at the beach (but the night doesn't end there)

Kelley reached her arm around Hope’s waistline and leaned her head into the taller girl’s shoulder as she yawned.

“The day will end soon,” Hope offered, leaning down to kiss Kelley’s hairline.

“I know, I just,” she yawned again, “I barely got any sleep last night. Did you know you snore?”

“You fell asleep before I did,” Hope said, shaking her head. “And I don’t snore.”

“How would you know if you snore or not?” She asked. “And maybe I was pretending to be asleep.”

“Kell, my job requires me to room with someone in a hotel nearly every week,” Hope began with a small laugh.

 _Don’t remind me,_ Kelley thought. _I_ really _don’t need a count of all the girls you’re spending the night with that aren’t me._

“Not to mention countless college trips I’ve made as well,” Hope continued, oblivious to the jealousy in Kelley’s eyes. “I think someone would’ve told me by now if I snore,” she finished, laughing again.

“I get it, okay? You spend lots of time with people that aren’t me, I get it.” Kelley snapped, pulling away from Hope. _I fucking get it, they would know you better than I do._

“What? No, babe, I’m sorry. That wasn’t what it was supposed to sound like,” Hope said, stepping forward and reaching out for Kelley’s hand.

Kelley turned back around to face Hope, “It’s just hard to think about all the time that other people get to spend with you that I don’t,” she admitted, her eyes darting to the ground.

“Baby,” Hope pulled Kelley in and rested an arm over her shoulders. “We’re strong, and we can do this. I believe in us, and I believe in you.” She offered a genuine smile. “I’m sorry if I made it sound differently, but you have to know that if I was given the option to be with anyone on any night, I would choose you.”

Kelley looked up to meet Hope’s eyes, feeling a little bit guilty. “Really?” She asked as a smile creeped onto her face.

“I promise,” Hope replied, returning the smile.

“Good to know, you don’t snore by the way,” she said with a giggle.

“All that and I don’t even snore? What am I gonna do with you, Kell.” Hope joked, rolling her eyes.

“Kiss me maybe?” Kelley asked, batting her eyelashes innocently.

“I really like that idea."

 

\------------

 

As their walk continued on, Tobin and Alex trailed a bit behind the other four. “You really do look good in that color, it brings out your eyes,” Tobin commented with a shrug. “And I’m not just saying that because it’s this college over your old one,” she joked.

“Oh yeah?” Alex asked, brushing a bit of hair away from her eyes with the hand that wasn’t nervously playing along the bottom hem of the hoodie.  _How are you so good at saying the right thing? It isn't comments about being 'hot' or 'sexy', you care about me for me._

“Totally,” Tobin said with a nod, shoving her hands a little bit further into her pockets. _Seeing you in my clothes twice in twenty-four hours just has to be some kind of Heaven,_  She told herself. _Why is it the little things with you? Every single thing you do makes my heart flutter. Why can’t it be like that with Christen?_

“I’ll have to let you borrow a Berkeley hoodie someday,” Alex joked. “The Cali vibe should really bring the surfer out in you.”

Tobin laughed loudly and with a smile she teased, “You are now in possession of two hoodies and a t-shirt of mine, I think I deserve _something_ that belongs to you.”

“You’re right! And if I wasn’t wearing more of your clothes than my own right now I would _totally_ give you something,” Alex laughed and lifted her hand from the bottom of the hoodie, hooking it through Tobin’s arm. “When this scavenger hunt ends I’ll give you one of my Berkeley shirts and a hoodie, deal?”

 _I’m pretty sure I’ve never felt happier in my life than I have right now, linking arms and joking around with you._  She knew she was exaggerating, her entire life could go by, and nothing would top some of the times she's spent with Ashlyn and Kelley by her side. “I’ll hold you to that,” Tobin said with a laugh as they continued on, the sun beginning to set behind them.

 

\------------

 

As they neared the restaurant, Ali pulled away from Ashlyn. As she did, Ashlyn turned towards her with a pleading look in her eyes. _Kiss me?_

Ali understood what she was asking, _We're in public, people are around, I can't do this. I can't risk your career, my career, this isn't safe._ Ali's thoughts were screaming at her about just how bad this could be, but she couldn't help herself as she leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to Ashlyn's cheek. "I love you," she whispered as she pulled away.

"I love you too," Ashlyn whispered back, a smile smile spreading across her face. _It's not all I want, but right here? Right now? Maybe it's enough._

Ali walked through the door, mentioning their reservation as she requested a table for six. They were seated not even a minute later and they all began to flip through their options.

"Do you guys have any recommendations?" Alex asked, looking up from her menu. "I've never been here."

Ashlyn and Ali looked at each other for a second and then looked at Alex, "We're gonna get what we did the first time we came here," _On our date._ Ali thought to herself, wishing she could say it.

"Yeah," Ashlyn began. "I ordered the salmon tartare and Ali got the the pork and chive dumplings," she said with a smile.

 _You remembered._ "We split it, then Ashlyn talked me into ordering the chocolate cake with peanut brittle ice cream," Ali rolled her eyes at the memory, incapable of preventing the smile from spreading across her face.

"You loved it though! You said it was, and I quote, _the best cake you've ever had_ ," Ashlyn teased. _You also said it was the best date you've ever been on. But that wasn't said in the restaurant, that was said in the car before I dropped you off at your dorm. When I gave you a nervous kiss from behind the tinted windows so no one could see us. Have we grown at all?_ Ashlyn knew it wasn’t fair to think this way.

"So, try the cake?" Alex asked with a laugh. "Any suggestions food-wise?"

"The smoked chicken and the grilled pork chop are both really good, I'm trying to decide between the two for myself right now," Tobin gestured towards Alex's menu, pointing them out.

"Wanna get one and I can get the other and we split it?" Alex offered, looking up at Tobin with a shy smile. _Is that too forward?_

"Yeah, Alex," Tobin smiled back. "That sounds perfect."

"Do you wanna split something with me too, Kell? All the other couples are doing it," Hope joked.

Alex and Tobin both paled. "We-- we're not a--" Tobin began.

"Yeah-- we were just--" Alex sputtered, worried what Tobin was thinking.

"Calm down, guys. Hope was just kidding," Kelley said, laying a hand on Tobin's shoulder.

Alex and Tobin let out a forced laugh as the waiter approached their table

 

\------------

 

“So where’s my next clue?” Ashlyn asked as she finished the last of the cake she had been sharing with Ali.

“Under your plate, again” Tobin responded, offering the last of her shared piece of cake to Alex.

Alex pulled the plate closer to her and finished off the cake, “So this is the last stop, right?”

“It is,” Kelley said, taking the last bite of sherbet from the desert she’d been sharing with Hope.

“Read it, Ash,” Hope said, setting her spoon down.

Ashlyn pulled the picture off of the bottom of the plate along with a small key that had been taped to it. “ _Your final destination is nearly two hours away, and from it you can feel the ocean’s spray. Here you can find the last gift you seek, and in this picture you can catch a small peek. Go to the one place you could always stand tall, even as the waves would crash and fall._ ” Ashlyn looked back at the picture and turned the key over in her hand.

“So, it’s a beach somewhere?” Alex suggested to the group.

“Indeed it is, let’s stop by the apartment and pick up the car, sound good?” Ali said as they left the table and she parted to pay the bill.

“Wrightsville Beach,” Ashlyn said, looking up from the photo. “It’s Wrightsville Beach.” She looked over at Tobin and Kelley, “It’s where we always go after we lose a game.”

Kelley smiled and pulled Ashlyn and Tobin into a hug, “It is.” She said, holding them tightly. “Have you figured out what the gift is?”

Ashlyn pulled away and looked back down at the picture, “I’m gonna guess a new surfboard.” She hesitated for a few seconds and then looked back up, “Either that or you bought me some sand.”

“It’s a new surfboard,” Tobin agreed with a small laugh. “But yeah, Ali, let’s get the car.”

 

\------------

 

They all loaded up in the car; Ali driving and holding Ashlyn’s hand in the front seat, Hope and Kelley in the middle row completely engrossed in each other, and Tobin and Alex in the backseat, easil making conversation. Throughout the ride the group would drift between occasional conversation, taking small naps. and blasting music while having their own mini dance party.

After just over two hours, they reached the beach. Ashlyn walked with Tobin and Kelley to the storage locker where they keep their surf boards to look at her new one.

“It’s beautiful guys,” she said after she saw it. “Thank you so much, this has been the best birthday so far, I love you guys.”

“I love you too,” Tobin said as they all leaned in for a hug.

“Me too,” Kelley said. “To the end of the earth and back guys, we’ve got each other.”

They all nodded in agreement as they walked back to the shore

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever,” Ashlyn said as they all sat down on the beach.

“Might as well,” Kelley reasoned, running her fingers through the sand. “Who wants to tell Alex how to play?”

“I know how to play Never Have I Ever,” Alex said with a laugh, scooting forward as the group formed a circle.

“Nah, we’ve got special rules” Tobin said, turning to her. “Alright, so you get seven fingers, and you have to put one down each time you have done whatever we’re currently saying as well as take a sip of your drink, except we don’t have any drinks here, so we’ll just put fingers down. Then, once you’re out, you have to choose between either taking a shot for everyone who’s left in the game, or answering a truth or dare question from them. Again, since we don’t have any drinks, we’re stuck with truth or dare. Oh, and since it’s Ashlyn’s birthday, she gets to ask us a truth or dare even if she’s out, got it?”

“Yeah I got it,” Alex said. “So Ash goes first then?”

Ashlyn nodded and gave a smirk, “Never have I ever had romantic feelings for a teammate."

Everyone groaned and put a finger down.

 _You like girls?_ Tobin thought to herself as she noticed Alex put a finger down.

“Never have I ever had sex in a movie theater,” Ali said with a laugh as Ashlyn, Kelley, and Hope all put down a finger.

“Never have I ever kissed more than five people in one night,” Hope said, looking at Ashlyn.

“I was really drunk, okay?” She said, putting a finger down.

“Never have I ever had sex with a guy,” Kelley said, looking around the group.

Alex shrugged as she and Ali both put a finger down. “Never have I ever had sex with a girl.” Everybody except Alex put a finger down.

“Never have I ever been in love,” Tobin looked up at the group to see who all put a finger down.

 _Fucking Servando,_ Alex thought bitterly, putting down a finger.

Ashlyn and Ali looked at each other, smiling as they each put a finger down.

Hope and Kelley looked at each other’s hands for a second, then looked up and made eye contact. They both slowly put a finger down and then leaned forward to kiss.

“You guys are disgustingly cute,” Ashlyn said making fake choking noises. “Never have I ever fooled around in a sibling’s bedroom.”

“I was with you, that’s not fair,” Ali said with a pout. “You should have to put a finger down too.”

“Wasn’t my sibling,” Ashlyn said with a smirk.

“Never have I ever broken a bone while trying to impress someone,” Ali said, laughing as Ashlyn pouted and threw her sixth finger down.

“Never have I ever tried to surf,” Hope said as everyone but her put a finger down.

“Well, I’m out,” Ashlyn said, holding up her hands. “Truth for everyone but Tobin.”

“What’s your favorite thing about me?” Ali asked, with a smile.

“I love everything about you,” Ashlyn began, “But I love how you are always there for anyone who needs you. Also, I’m pretty sure your calf muscles were sculpted by God himself,” she said, knowing how insecure Ali was about her legs as she leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend on the nose as a blush rose to her cheeks.

“Who has been your biggest motivator and inspiration throughout your life as a soccer player?” Hope asked, leaning back on her arms in the sand.

“You, my grandma’s a close second though,” Ashlyn said as she looked over to Kelley, ready for the next question.

“Who’s your favorite person with freckles?” Kelley asked, giggling and batting her eyelashes.

“You, duh,” she turned to Alex. “Whatcha got for me, kid?”

“How did you know for sure you liked girls?” Alex asked honestly.

“Over time I began to realize that everything I thought was okay for just friends, was actually hardcore flirting,” Ashlyn said and let out a light laugh. “Then I met Ali which pretty much just sealed the deal.”

“I dare you to tell Kelley she isn’t allowed to get a squirrel for the apartment,” Tobin said as Ashlyn looked over to her.

“Kell, you heard her. No squirrel,” Ashlyn said as Kelley slumped down into the sand.

They continued to tick through statements until it was just Hope, Alex, and Tobin left, all with only one finger.

It was Hope’s turn, “Never have I ever had feelings for someone while in a relationship.”

Alex and Tobin both put their last finger down.

“Truth or dare, Al?” Hope asked, looking towards Alex.

“Truth,” she replied with a shrug.

“What helps calm you down before a game?” Hope asked with a yawn.

“I like to sit down and listen to music, visualize myself during the game,” _Also, Tobin has this aura that surrounds her, it helps keep me calm before and during the game. When I receive a pass from her or see her on the field I feel my heart rate slow down._ “That kinda thing,” she finished, turning towards Ashlyn, “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss who you think is the most attractive person here,” she said with a smirk.

Ali slightly raised her head out of Ashlyn’s lap where she had been laying. “Hey player, you have a girlfriend, incase you forgot,” she jokingly warned Ashlyn.

Alex let out a small giggle and then leaned over and kissed Tobin on the forehead.

Tobin blushed immediately, “Thanks,” she choked out in a small voice. _You think I’m the prettiest? Me? Tobin Heath?_

“Truth or dare?” Hope asked, turning to Tobin as Kelley laid her head down in her lap.

“Truth,” Tobin said, still a bit flustered.

“Do you believe us when we tell you Christen is bad for you?” She asked, stroking Kelley’s hair.

 _I think I’m starting to._ “Yeah, sure,” Tobin replied with a shrug. “Dare,” she said as looked at Ashlyn.

“I dare you to let me text Christen and break up with her for you,” Ashlyn said, holding her hand out for Tobin’s phone.

“No, truth,” Tobin said, pushing Ashlyn’s hand away.

“Fine, do you have feelings for anyone besides Christen?” Ashlyn asked, as she stood up, reaching out to help Ali to her feet.

Tobin pondered for a moment, _It’s very possible. Alex makes me feel happy and giddy. She’s funny and we get along and she makes me feel whole and more loved than Christen ever has._ “Maybe,” she responded, feeling a spark between their hands as she helped pull Alex up and out of the sand.

 _Could that mean me? That’s gotta be impossible, right? But then again, she did invite me today and not Christen. Or anyone else,_ Alex thought to herself as she let Tobin help her.

“Let’s go home,” Hope said as she carried a sleeping Kelley in her arms to the car.

 

\------------

 

The ride home was nearly silent as Ashlyn drove. Ali was snoring softly in the passenger seat, Hope was holding a sleeping Kelley in the middle row, and Alex was sound asleep on Tobin’s chest in the back.

As they neared the house, Tobin finally felt herself finally begin to drift to sleep until she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. “Hope?” She whispered, looking up from where she’d rested her chin on top of Alex’s head.

“Be honest with me, are you happy with Christen?” She asked, quiet enough for Ashlyn to not hear her.

Tobin looked down at Alex as she curled closer to her, “I don’t know,” she responded with a small sigh.

“It’s not fair to either of you to continue this,” Hope said. “And I think Alex likes you.”

“I think Alex is straight,” Tobin said back almost immediately.

“She doesn’t look very straight right now,” Hope said, gesturing to her as Alex slid an arm around Tobin’s waistline. “Just, think about doing something, alright? And even if you don’t break up with her, let her know things are changing. If you really do wanna save this relationship, you have to talk.”

Tobin nodded solemnly, knowing Hope really did just want the best for her. “Thanks, Hope,” she said with a small smile. “You’re a good friend. You’re always there to hold me to the ground, you help me stay tethered to reality,” Tobin admitted. “It’s not black and white with you. It’s reality.” She didn’t know what brought out the sudden truth session, but something in her felt the need to say that. Being with her friends all day, being with Alex, all day, made her feel good. Good in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. _Christen makes me feel loose and drunk, but you guys, Alex… You make me feel happy and carefree and honest. You make me feel real._

“I’m glad to help you, Tobs. Just promise me you’re gonna say something to Christen. And don’t let her hurt you, kid. I know you feel like she’s right for you, but you’ll find happiness elsewhere, as long as you look for it.” Hope looked from Tobin to Alex, then back to Tobin. “And I have a feeling you won’t have to look very far.”

Tobin nodded again, “I promise, I’ll try and talk to her tomorrow.”

It was Hope’s turn to nod as they pulled into the parking lot.

“We’re here,” Ashlyn said through a yawn as she reached over to tap Ali on the shoulder.

Alex opened her eyes at the sound of Ashlyn’s voice and pulled away from Tobin’s chest, “I’m sorry, I just--” she let out a long yawn. “I was so tired, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s okay, Lex,” Tobin said with a smile, slightly moving forward so Alex could pull her arm away. “Why don’t you just stay here tonight?” She offered as everyone began to leave the car.

“I don’t know, I wouldn’t wanna impose,” she said through another yawn, following Tobin out of the car.

“No, no of course not. I’ll sleep on the coach and you can take my bed, it’s just late and,” Tobin let out a yawn as well. “Honestly I’m too tired to walk you home,” she joked.

Alex let her guilt fall away and decided to let Tobin take care of her. “Alright, thanks Toby.”

“Of course, let’s go to sleep,” Tobin said, smiling at the use of the nickname and following her friends into the apartment.

 

\------------

  
  


It was nearing 3:00 am, almost an hour after they’d arrived home, and Tobin looked at her phone again to read the text she’d received right around the time they had been leaving from dinner.

**Pressy <3 : we should talk.**

Tobin sighed and finally decided to call her back, hoping that it would go to voicemail.

The phone rang a few times until Christen answered, “Tobin? You finally decide to call me back at three in the fucking morning?”

Tobin flinched as she heard Christen slur into the phone. She could almost smell the alcohol on her breath. _Yeah, well, I didn’t actually want you to answer._ “I’m sorry babe, I just saw your message.” _A few hours ago._

“Don’t _babe_ me, Tobin,” Christen snarled back.

“What’s wrong?” Tobin asked, stepping outside of the apartment. _What did I do this time?_

“Don’t act like you don’t know what’s going on,” Christen said into the phone. “You’re gonna spend the whole day with Alex, instead of me? Your girlfriend?”

 _Fuck,_ “How did you know I was with Alex?” Tobin shook her head and let out a shaky breath. _I didn’t do anything wrong, I spent a day with my friends. I can’t deal with you right now Christen, and I am too tired to go through-- whatever this is._

“So you fucking admit it!” Christen yelled into the phone, “It was on instagram. Ali posted a picture of Alex and Ashlyn at the skatepark and captioned it _Day out with my girls!_ You were tagged in it, quit playing dumb.”

“Look, Christen, I’m sorry but I was just hanging out with some friends. It’s Ashlyn’s birthday and--” Tobin didn’t get to finish her sentence.

“Ashlyn didn’t want me there, did she?” Christen challenged. “Your friends don’t like me Tobin, and you never stand up for me.”

 _They don’t like the way you treat me. And maybe they’re right._ Just as Tobin was ready to open her mouth to respond, Christen was already talking again.

“Look, baby, I just think maybe we should take a break,” Christen said, her voice suddenly soft.

“What? No, Chris, we can work through this,” Tobin said quickly, feeling the need to salvage their relationship. _Do I even want to save us? Is there anything to save?_ Tobin thought as the words spilled out of her mouth.

“You’ve changed, Tobin. You’ve changed since we got together. You aren’t who I agreed to date nearly three months ago," Christen said honestly.

"You've changed me, Christen," Tobin responded as her voice broke.

"You've become a shell of a person," Christen fired back. "You aren't the happy-go-lucky girl I met at soccer last year. You aren't the person I said yes to at tryouts this year. You aren't the same."

"I've opened up to you!" Tobin yelled, now glad she had decided to leave the apartment. "I've let you see who I really am, behind my happy exterior. I'm not always all smiles, Christen. And as my girlfriend, you should be there for me when I'm not."

"You're broken, Tobin. I don't want to be with someone who's broken. You don't deserve me," Christen said into the phone.

Tobin felt her heart drop and shatter into a million pieces. _Yeah, I'm broken. But I thought you could love me despite that._ "You're going to just drop me because I allow myself to be human? Because I have emotions?" Tobin was nearing tears now, _Yes, I'm fucking broken. But I thought maybe, just maybe. I could still be loved._

"You're too much of a train wreck, I can't be with someone like you. No one ever could. No one will ever love you, Tobin," Christen said, and hung up the phone.

 _Not good enough, not good enough, never fucking good enough. Right? Never good enough for anyone. A failure. A broken mess of a person who could never be loved. After all, who could love someone like me?_ Tobin's thoughts screamed at her as she dropped her arm to the side.

She felt a tear fall from her eye as she slowly reentered the apartment. _Don't show emotion, right?_ She thought angrily as she wiped away the tear. _Broken, train wreck, no one will ever love you._ The words echoed through her mind as she slowly sat on the couch. She turned over, pushing her face into the throw pillow as she felt sobs shaking through her body. _I have to feel numb, I can’t let people know how broken I am or no one will ever love me. Christen’s right._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Alex help Tobin feel whole again? Will Ali and Ashlyn be able to stay strong even when they've become so weak? With the ever-present knowledge of jobs and school and distance, can Hope and Kelley deny the odds? With everything falling apart, what relationships can survive?

Alex woke up in the middle of the night with a small cough and leaned over to check the time on her phone. “3:30, great,” she muttered as she trudged out of the bed and towards the door, remembering where she was. I need some water, she thought to herself, towards the kitchen.

As she left the bedroom, she heard the sound of someone crying coming from the living room. _Tobin?_ She thought, walking towards the couch. “Hey, Tobin, are you okay?” She whispered, leaning down and laying a hand on the girl’s shaking shoulder.

 _Shit, Alex,_ Tobin thought as she flinched away.  “Yeah, I-- I’m fine,” Tobin said between shaky breaths, trying to regain her composure.

 _That’s a lie,_ “Come here, it’ll be okay,” Alex said, pulling the older girl up and into a hug.

Tobin let out another sob into Alex’s shoulder, accepting her comfort. “No it won’t,” she sniffed as she looked up at Alex.

Alex noticed the pain in Tobin’s eyes and just shook her head, “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tobin said, pulling Alex closer to her as more tears escaped from her eyes. “I can’t.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” Alex pulled away from the hug and began to lead Tobin to her bedroom. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” she sat down with Tobin on the bed. “Just lay down, try and get some sleep.”

“I can’t breathe Alex,” Tobin choked out through another sob.

 _What the fuck did Christen do?_ Alex thought to herself as her heart twinged. It hurt for her to see Tobin in this much pain. _You deserve so much better, you deserve to be happy, you deserve the world._ “It’ll be okay, Tobin, I promise,” she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Tobin’s forehead as she leaned into a pillow. “I’ll be here in the morning,” she started to get out of the bed until she heard Tobin call her name.

“Alex? Will you, uh, can you just stay here?” Tobin asked in a shy voice. _Please say yes. I need you._

“Of course,” Alex crawled into bed with Tobin, pulling the covers up over the both of them as Tobin curled against her. “Can I ask you one thing?”

Tobin nodded against her chest. _Don’t ask me to talk about it, don’t ask me about Christen._

“Don’t feel like this is your fault, okay? Don’t let yourself believe any voice inside of your head making you feel like this is your fault, or that you’re unloved. You have Ashlyn and Ali and Kelley and Hope. They’re all here for you,” Alex said in a soft voice, leaning her forehead down against the top of Tobin’s head. “And you have me, too. I’m here for you.” I can help you.

Tobin tried to fathom how Alex could say the most incredibly perfect thing, “Do you really mean that?”

“I do,” she responded in a small whisper as she kissed Tobin’s forehead again. “I’m here if you want to talk, or need a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on. I’m here for you.”

Tobin wrapped her arms even tighter around Alex’s waistline and buried her face into the crook of her neck. “Thank you,” she whispered, causing a vibration across Alex's pulse and feeling the heartbeat on her lips.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Alex whispered back. “Now try and get some sleep.”

Alex stroked soothing patterns across Tobin’s back until she finally stopped shaking and drifted to sleep.

 

\------------

When Alex woke up, Tobin was still in her arms curled against her. Alex leaned over, slightly detaching herself from Tobin and grabbed her phone off of the nightstand to check the time. _7:48am._  She slowly worked her way out of Tobin’s arms and off of the bed.

Tobin began to mumble something that sounded like, “Please don’t leave me,” in her sleep as Alex walked over to the desk.

Alex picked up a piece of paper and pen that was laying on Tobin’s desk and decided to write a quick note for when she woke up. _I’m still here for you, I’ll be in the kitchen. Come out here when you wake up? I hope you’re feeling better -Lex xo_

Alex left the paper in the spot on the bed where she had previously been and walked to the kitchen to see if anyone else was awake. As she walked in, she saw Ashlyn taking a drink from her steaming cup.

“Want some coffee?” Ashlyn offered as she pulled down a mug for her.

“Yeah, sure,” Alex reached out for it. “Thanks, Ash.”

“Of course, so where’s Tobin?” She asked with a small smirk. “Thought she was sleeping on the couch?”

“Tobin, uh,” _Can I tell you?_ “I woke up around three thirty and came out here to get some water. When I did, I saw her crying into the couch.” Alex said quietly as she finished making her coffee.

“What happened?” Ashlyn asked as she set her coffee down, turning towards the bedroom. “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“I, yeah, I think so,” Alex said after taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t know what happened, she said she didn’t wanna talk about it so I didn’t wanna push her. I brought her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed. When I left to come out here and sleep on the couch, she asked me to not leave her, so I didn’t. She cried for nearly an hour as I tried to comfort her until she fell asleep.”

“Fuck, Alex,” Ashlyn shook her head. “I should go wake her up.”

“No, no, just let her sleep,” Alex said quickly, reaching an arm out to Ashlyn. “She was clearly exhausted. Also, don’t tell her I told you this, okay?”

“Why the fuck not?” Ashlyn asked rudely, shaking Alex’s arm off of her.

“Because, Ash,” Alex let out a small sigh. “I think it might’ve had to do with Christen, let’s just give her some time. We won’t get anywhere trying to force her to talk to us.”

"So what do we do?”

“We give her space."

\------------

Tobin finally woke up and checked her phone, realizing it was nearly 9:30. She groaned as she pulled the blanket off of her and noticed the note Alex had left her. Now smiling, she got out of bed and changed into a new pair of jeans and one of her many UNC t-shirts, then walked out into the kitchen.

“Why thank you for joining us, Tobin,” Ali said with a small laugh.

“Yeah,” Tobin looked around the room noticing that everyone else was already awake. Her eyes met with Alex’s who gave a reassuring smile. “Late night I guess,” she walked over and got herself down a mug for coffee.

“So what’s everyone’s plans for today?” Kelley asked, looking around at her friends.

“Ashlyn and I will be going to my place in a few hours, then having lunch and going out to the park,” Ali said, leaning over to place a kiss on Ashlyn’s cheek.

“Yeah, Ali owes me one last birthday present,” Ashlyn joked with a wink. “If you know what I mean,” she finished, wiggling her eyebrows.

Ali reached out and slapped her on the arm playfully, “We’re just ordering takeout.”

"Or going somewhere," Ashlyn added.

“I’m taking you out for lunch and we’re gonna spend the day together before I leave,” Hope said with a shrug.

“Leave? For what?” Alex asked curiously.

“Hope has to make it back to Seattle for a game on Friday,” Kelley explained as she put an arm around Hope. “Sadly, she thinks soccer is more important than me.”

Hope turned towards Kelley, “You know that’s not true.” She leaned up from the bar stool she was sitting on to kiss her on the cheek.

“Oh, right. I almost forgot you're _the_ Hope Solo,” Alex said with a light laugh. “Do you wanna hang out with me, Tobin?”

Tobin smiled at the thought of spending the day with Alex, especially while she was single.

 _Single, right._ She thought as she remembered the night before and she felt a stabbing pain in her chest. Christen’s right, you’ll never be good enough. _Alex doesn’t really want to spend time with you. She just feels bad for you,_  a voice in her head began to tell her. “I don't know, I don’t wanna be a burden,” Tobin said with a shrug.

“Nah, I like spending time with you,” Alex said with a genuine smile, walking closer towards Tobin. “We could go out for lunch, maybe catch a movie?” She offered.

“Yeah, sure,” Tobin smiled back but it didn't reach her eyes.

Alex noticed the dullness in Tobin's expression and rested her hand on top of Tobin's.

"I think I’d really like that," Tobin continued, her smile shining a little brighter this time.

“Sounds good,” Alex gave Tobin's hand a small squeeze before stepping away to refill her mug.

“What do you say we all meet for dinner? So I can say bye before my flight leaves tomorrow?” Hope suggested, looking around the room.

“We’d love to,” Ali said, grabbing Ashlyn’s hand and beaming a smile at Hope.

“Us too, right?” Alex asked, turning towards Tobin and resting her hand back on the one Tobin had wrapped around her mug.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Tobin said, looking up with a smile.

ALe looked over to Hope, “Great, we’ll be there."

Kelley quirked an eyebrow at the two, _What the hell happened over night? And why is Tobin not freaking out about Christen?_ She asked herself. “Great, Hope and I’ll let you guys know where we decide.”

Ali nodded, “Well I think Ash and I are gonna head to my place, alright guys?”

Everyone murmured in agreement as Alex turned to Tobin. “Can you walk me to my dorm?” She asked with a smile.

“I’d love to,” Tobin said as she returned the smile. “I’ll be back soon guys,” she said as they followed Ali and Ashlyn out the door.

\------------

“So,” Tobin said as the two of them approached to door to Alex’s building.

“So?” Alex asked, turning around to look at Tobin.

“About last night,” Tobin raised her hand and put it on the back of her neck as she looked down at her feet.

“I said we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Alex said quickly. “It’s okay, this is about you, Tobs.”

“Thanks Alex,” Tobin said, looking up with a genuine smile on her face. “If I, I dunno,” she looked back at the ground again. “If I _did_ want to talk about it, would that be okay too?”

“Of course Tobin,” Alex stepped forward to pull the shorter girl into a hug. “I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” Tobin welcomed the hug. “So, what did you wanna do today?”

“Well, I need to go take a shower,” Alex started. “But after that we could just go for a burger or something maybe?”

“That sounds wonderful, I could probably use a shower too,” she said with a small laugh. “Text me when you’re ready to go?”

“I will,” Alex nodded and turned to go into her dorm after hugging Tobin one last time.

\------------

Tobin looked down to check her phone again, _11:37. I’ve been home for over an hour and  a half. How long could it be taking Alex to get ready?_ She decided to go through Instagram for a little bit, and almost immediately noticed a picture Ali put up of she and Ashlyn at her apartment fifteen minutes before. The caption read, _S_ _pending the day with this gorgeous girl for her birthday! #AndTheWeekendToo #Oops_

Tobin smiled, _Even if they can’t be out, they’re still really cute_. She began to scroll through comments and sighed after seeing so many variations of “#FriendshipGoals” and decided to make a post with Ashlyn as well. After a few minutes, she decided on the picture of her and Ashlyn that she sent to Alex the morning before. She captioned it, _Guess who had the best birthday ever yesterday! #ItWasHer #ThanksToMe #BestFriendEverAwardGoesTo…_

Tobin was just about to set her phone down when a notification went off for a new text.

**Lex :) : ready to go! you?**

**Toby :) : bout time!! jk i’ll pick you up soon, can’t wait to hang out w you :)**

\------------

Ashlyn looked through Instagram and noticed some comments on the picture Ali had posted. _We’re fucking relationship goals,_ she thought bitterly. Ashlyn looked over to Ali who had gotten up to grab a glass of water. _Well, we could be._

“You ready to go, Ash?” Ali asked as she walked back towards the couch.

Ashlyn looked up and smiled as her girlfriend leaned down to kiss her. “With you? Anywhere,” she said with a laugh.

“You’re cheesy,” Ali said, sitting down in Ashlyn’s lap.

“You’re cute,” Ashlyn countered with a playful smile.

“You’re talented."

“You’re smart."

“You’re ticklish,” Ali said, setting her hands on Ashlyn’s side as she straddled across her lap, a devilish look growing in her eyes.

Ashlyn rest her hands on top of Ali’s, “Oh yeah?” she challenged as she slowly ran her hands up Ali’s arms.

Ali smirked, “Mhm,” she said, curling her fingers against Ashlyn’s stomach.

“I don’t think so,” she said, connecting her hands together behind Ali’s neck and biting her lip.

“Do I need to prove it?” She asked, raising her eyebrows and dropping her hands to the hem of Ashlyn’s shirt. “Because I can,” she began to pull up on Ashlyn’s shirt, slowly grazing her fingers across the bare skin.

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Ashlyn whispered as she pulled Ali closer to her. She leaned up to leave a kiss on Ali’s neck, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ali whispered back, turning her head so Ashlyn could reach her neck at a better angle. “But I also love tickling you,” she pulled away and immediately began to tickle Ashlyn, pinning her against the couch.

“Ali, Ali!” Ashlyn yelled through her laugh, trying to pull away Ali’s hands. “Ali, get off!”

Ali smirked as Ashlyn fell back onto the couch, leaning down to kiss her on the neck after a few seconds of tickling. “Happy,” Ali kissed her again. “Birthday,” another kiss, leading up her jawline. “Baby,” she said laying a few more kisses along the way to Ashlyn’s mouth. She kissed her at the corner of the lips and then hesitated for a few seconds.

Ashlyn and Ali made eye contact for a few seconds before Ali leaned down to leave a long kiss on her lips. Afterwards, Ali laid her head on Ashlyn’s chest. “I love you,” she whispered as she traced patterns with her finger across the tattoo on Ashlyn’s forearm.

“I love you too,” Ashlyn said, reaching her other hand up to stroke Ali’s hair out of her eyes.

They laid there for a few minutes until there was a knock at Ali’s door. “Ali?” Megan called as she continued to knock.

Ali groaned as she and Ashlyn got off the couch. She hesitated, as if she was going to kiss ashlyn, but then just turned to the door. “Yes?” Ali asked as she swung the door open.

“Hey! You aren’t busy, right?” She asked as she walked into Ali’s apartment.

“Well, Ashlyn and I were just hanging out for her birthday--”

“I’ll be leaving Ali, don’t worry about it,” Ashlyn said as she walked towards the door. “Just text me later?”

“Wait, Ash, no,” Ali started to say, but Ashlyn was already out the door. “What did you want?” She asked Megan, turning back towards her guest.

“Yeah, I need the notes from last class for Psych,” Megan said, opening the binder in her arms.

“Really? Right now?” Ali asked incredulously. “You couldn’t have called first?” She stormed into her bedroom to find her notes.

 _The fuck is her problem?_ Megan thought to herself. “Hey, Al, what’s wrong?” She asked, following Ali into the bedroom.

“It’s nothing,” Ali groaned as she finally found the right binder holding her psychology notes.

“Al, you can talk to me,” Megan said, resting her hand on Ali’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Ali sat down on the bed, “It’s Ashlyn,” was all she said.

“What about Ashlyn? Did she do something?” Megan prompted, sitting down next to Ali.

“No, it’s,” Ali sighed. _We’re not out and I’m pretty sure it’s killing us both. And then she just… left._ “I can trust you, right?” Ali asked, looking over at Megan.

“Of course, what is it?” What happened? Are you okay? “I’m here for you, Ali.” Megan said seriously.

“Ashlyn and I are, well, we’re together.” Ali let out a large sigh. “Oh my god, that feels so great to say,” she admitted.

“What!?” Megan asked. “Really?”

“Umm, yeah, we are. And,” Ali sighed again. “We’re not out. We were worried it may jeopardize our careers and we were scared of the backlash, but,” she looked back at Megan again. “I figured of all people I can trust you, right?”

“Of course Ali, I’m so glad you told me!” _Cheney so owes me twenty bucks._ “So, wait, why did Ashlyn leave? Did you guys have a fight?” Megan asked, a little bit worried.

"No, we were," Ali smiled at the thought of what had just been happening. "We were happy, but we were together. She seems to be a little on the edge lately with us as a couple."

"What do you mean?" Megan asked as Ali looked down at the floor.

"I think she's becoming impatient with me, with us," Ali looked up at Megan seeing compassion and comfort in her eyes. "She wants us to be out and I don't know if I'm ready. I don't want us to jeopardize our careers just so we can be together."

Megan nodded, "But don't you think--" _How can I word this without being rude?_ "Don't you think that if you-- Well, if you loved her it would be worth it?"

Ali felt her heart drop I her chest. _That's what scares me._

"I mean, I've seen the way you two look at each other. The whole team has, even if we did think you guys are best friends, there's love there," Megan said seriously, holding Ali's gaze. "You do love her, right?"

 _I think so. I tell her I love her._ Ali nodded, "Yeah, I do. I just don't know if I can be public with her," she admitted. "What if I ruin her career? What if," Ali stood up from the bed. "I don't even know, but I'm scared Pinoe." She kicked the door to her closet angrily.

Megan nodded, "I understand Ali."

"You do?" She asked, looking back over to Megan who was still sitting on her bed.

"Yes, Al. I was worried when I came out too, y'know?" Megan said with a small laugh. "We all are, but if you think Ashlyn's really worth it, then you've gotta face your fear."

Ali nodded, "You're right, I get what you're saying."

"But?" Megan asked, standing up and walking over to Ali.

"But," Ali looked up at Megan and raised a hand to rub her eyes. "It isn't-- it isn't me I'm worried about."

"What do you mean?" Megan asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

"What if Ashlyn and I come out, and it fires back on her? She already has to stand in Hope's shadow," Ali looked down and sighed. "What if this becomes a setback in her career, and she blames me for it? I can't live with that."

Megan could see the fear in Ali's expression and stepped forward to hug her. "It'll be okay, Ali," she wrapped her arms around Ali as her shoulders began to shake. "Ash loves you, things are gonna be okay."

Ali started to cry into Megan's shoulder. "This is the first time I've really talked about this," she admitted. "Except for HAO, I was always too afraid to come out to someone to say it to them, and Ashlyn would be heartbroken to find out she was my reason to insist we stay closeted."

Megan just nodded and rubbed Ali's back. "Hey, Ash is gonna be okay and so are you. You’ve just gotta find a time you can talk about this.”

“You’re right, thanks Pinoe,” she said, taking a step back from the hug. She walked over to the desk and picked up the binder. “Here’s the notes, just give them back to me in class tomorrow.”

“Yeah, of course dude,” they walked towards the door of the apartment. “Let me know how things work out with Ash, alright?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks again, you’re a good friend,” Ali said as Megan walked out of the apartment.

“Of course I am, see ya in class,” Megan said with a laugh as Ali shut the door.

Ali slumped against the door, _She makes it sound so easy, she makes it sound like this couldn’t possibly ruin Ashlyn’s entire career._ She pulled her phone out so she could find Ashlyn.

**Baby : i’m sorry about pinoe, why’d you leave? where’d you go?**

\------------

Ashlyn sat down on the bench at the dog park across the street from Ali’s apartment building. _Why the hell did I do that?_ She asked herself, letting out a sigh of frustration. _Why does it feel like Ali doesn’t love me anymore? Why am I not important enough to her?_ She stood up angrily and kicked the bench. _What’s happening? Ali and I were always so perfect. Everything was okay, it was us against the world._

“Why do I let myself think this way,” she muttered under her breath.

Ashlyn heard her phone go off and pulled it out of her pocket to read the message from Ali. _Why the fuck do you think I left?_

**Ash : idk. sorry.**

She looked at the message she sent and immediately regretted it. _It’s not Ali’s fault Pinoe came. It’s not her fault I overreacted and left. Why do I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore? Why doesn’t this feel real?_

**Ash : i’m in the park**

**Baby: what’s wrong?**

Ashlyn looked up from her phone.   _What is wrong? What’s wrong with me? With us?_ She stood up and blew out a heavy breath of air. _Why does it feel like I can’t feel anything? I need to feel something._ She calmly walked over to a strong oak tree and looked over it for a few moments. I need to feel something, she thought as she reared back and landed a hard punch into the center of the tree.

Slowly, she pulled her hand away as she felt a tremor travel up to her shoulder. She looked down, feeling an aching in her wrist and watching as blood rose over the torn skin. _I felt that._

__

\------------

Ali left her apartment as soon as she got Ashlyn's text saying she was at the park. It took her a few minutes to get to the bench where Ashlyn was sitting and every couple seconds she would check her phone, waiting for a reply.

As she approached the bench, she noticed Ashlyn's hand and her serious face, staring out straight ahead of her. Ali raced over and set one hand on top of Ashlyn's knuckles, causing her to immediately flinch away. She raised her other hand to Ashlyn's chin, forcing her to face her.

"What happened? What did you do?" She asked in a worried tone, searching Ashlyn's eyes for honesty.

"You're making a scene," Ashlyn muttered as she stared at Ali with cold, piercing eyes.

"You made the scene, Ash. What happened to your hand?" Ali brushed her thumb across Ashlyn's cheek.

"I needed to feel something," was all she said.

People began to walk over curiously to see what was happening. "You ladies alright?" An older man asked them.

"We're fine," Ashlyn said, looking over at the man. "Stop acting like my girlfriend," she whispered under her breath. It hurt to say, it really hurt. After all, this was all Ashlyn wanted. All she had wanted for so long was for her and Ali to be a couple out in public.

 _I am your girlfriend,_ she thought stubbornly as she pulled away her hand. "Yeah, thanks," she said turning to look at the man as well.

He and a few other people that had began to come over just nodded as they dispersed.

"Ashlyn, what happened to your hand?" She reached her hand out for Ashlyn's and noticed the wince as she slowly grazed her fingers across the scratches that were now seeping blood.

"I, I don't know," she admitted. _Why the fuck did I do that?_ "Something just, came over me and I was thinking too much and--"

"Ashlyn, I love you," Ali said quickly, pulling her hand up to kiss the knuckles.

Ashlyn winced slightly at the touch but nothing could _really_ hurt when Ali's lips were pressed against her skin. "Ali, we're in public," she replied.

"I know, I’m sorry,” Ali let her hands fall into her lap, still holding Ashlyn’s bloody one. “What happened Ash? Did you, did you punch something?”

Ashlyn nodded and gestured over to the tree with the hand Ali wasn’t holding.

“Why’d you do it?” She asked, looking at Ashlyn with pleading eyes.

“Why do you care?” Ashlyn snapped, pulling her hand away from Ali and standing up.

“What do you mean why do I care?” Ali stood up as well and grabbed Ashlyn’s shoulder, turning her so they were facing. “I care about you, Ash. And I don’t want you hurting yourself, over anything. Was it Pinoe?”

 _It was you,_ Ashlyn thought to herself, not knowing what to say. _It was you, us. It was us_. “It was me,” she finally said with a shrug. “I was just, I was mad at myself.” She stepped a few steps away from Ali. _Mad at myself because I can’t be good enough for you. Because I don’t mean enough to you for us to be out. What do I have to do, Ali?_

“For what? Baby, talk to me,” Ali stepped forward to follow Ashlyn and reached for her hand to turn her around.

“There’s people from our school here,” Ashlyn said quickly, pulling her hand out of Ali’s.

 _Fuck them._ “I don’t care,” she said reaching back out for Ashlyn’s hand.

“Yes you do,” Ashlyn insisted, pulling away again. “You care about your _fucking image_ , Ali. We both know you do. And I’m not very good for your image, am I?” She asked rudely, turning away from Ali and starting towards the parking lot of Ali’s apartment building.

Ali just stood there, watching Ashlyn walk away from her, from them.

\------------

“So where are you gonna take me for my last day here?” Hope asked, looking over at Kelley in the passenger seat.

“Ugh, don’t remind me it’s your last day,” Kelley said, leaning across the car to bury her face in Hope’s shoulder.

“It’s okay babe,” Hope reached her hand out to hold Kelley’s in her lap.

Kelley leaned up from Hope’s arm and interlocked her fingers with Hope’s. “I guess it is,” she shrugged and looked out the window.

“You guess?” Hope joked, It’ll be okay. You and me against the world, right? “What’s wrong, Kell?” She asked, stealing another glance at Kelley as they pulled up to a red light.

“You’ve gotta leave again, Hope,” Kelley sighed. “It’s just harder without you here.”

“What is?” Hope asked, pulling her hand away from Kelley’s to turn off the radio.

“Everything,” she admitted, grabbing Hope’s hand back with her own. “It’s hard to wake up alone, it’s hard to know you won’t be there when class is over, and it’s hard to see other couples be happy.”

Hope just nodded silently. _What I would do to give you everything,_ she thought. Hope bit her lip nervously, “Kelley?” She asked, strengthening her hold on Kelley’s hand.

“Yeah?” Kelley asked, looking up at Hope who had her eyes trained on the road.

“I need to tell you something,” she said, not looking away from the road.

“You can tell me anything,” Kelley said, slowly brushing her fingers across Hope’s hand, trying to relieve some of the newly built tension she could feel in it.

 _I love you. I fucking love you, Kell. And no amount of distance is gonna stop that._ “Can we please stop somewhere to eat? I don’t wanna say it while I’m driving,” Hope asked, still nervous.

They hadn’t actually said the words ‘I love you’ to each other, the closest they had gotten was the night before when they had admitted they were in lovet. But this was different. This wasn’t some game of Never Have I Ever on the beach, this was broad daylight and feelings and it was almost too much for Hope. But with Kelley? With Kelley it felt real and the very thought of her plane flying away in the morning was enough for her to feel sick to her stomach.

“Uh, yeah,” Kelley’s soothing touch across the back of Hope’s hand became more of a nervous twitch as she pulled away to direct her attention to twisting Hope’s High School Championship Ring that was on her finger, given to her shortly after they started dating. Kelley began to worry, _What could it be? How bad could it be? Is the league failing? Ashlyn and Ali are already looking at European clubs for after they graduate. Could Hope be going to Europe?_ “We could go there,” Kelley said, gesturing to the pizza place across the street.

“Peppers?” Hope asked for confirmation as she turned on her blinker to get in the next lane.

“Yeah,” Kelley said as they began to turn into the direction of the pizza joint, the nagging thought of Hope’s possible relocation still in the back of her mind.

\------------

“Ready to go?” Tobin asked as she got out of her car to meet Alex on the front steps of her building.

“Yep!” Alex replied excitedly, hopping over to meet Tobin. “Where are we going?"

“This was your idea,” Tobin joked as they walked towards the car. “You tell me!”

“You’re the one that knows this city, you decide!” Alex said back with a small laugh.

Tobin jumped in front of her so she could open the car door, “Here ya go, m’lady,” she said, pulling open the door and gesturing with a mock bow.

“Well aren’t you sweet,” Alex said with a small laugh as a blush rose to her cheeks.

Tobin just shrugged as she walked around her car to get into the driver’s seat. “So is there anywhere here you’ve been dying to go since you moved?”

"Hmm I dunno, why don't we just catch a movie?" Alex asked, looking across the car to Tobin.

"Sounds good," Tobin said with a nod. "Our theater gets pretty chilly, and it _is_ October, you should probably go grab a jacket," she suggested.

"You're right, you're right," Alex said, hopping out of the car.

“Wait, Alex?” Tobin called out.

“Yeah?” Alex turned back and looked through the open window.

“I’m single,” Tobin blurted out.

Alex tried to hide her smile at the thought that Tobin was single, or the thought that she needed to tell her she was single, but then remembered the night before and Tobin's heartbreak and not wanting Alex to leave her. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” her face fell as she came to the heart-breaking realization that Tobin still didn’t really understand how bad Christen had been. This wasn't really anything to be happy about. She realized Tobin wasn’t just single, she had been broken up with.

“No, it’s okay, I think,” Tobin hesitated before saying anything else. “I don’t why I felt like I should tell you that, I just thought I owed you an explanation for last night.”

“Tobin,” Alex leaned against the door and gave a heartfelt look. “You don’t owe me anything, I’m gonna go get a jacket, but I’ll be right back. Also, don’t feel like you can’t talk to me about something if you ever need to.”

After a couple minutes she returned to the car, wearing Tobin’s UNC hoodie from the day before and carrying one of her Berkeley hoodies from her freshman year.

“Here you go!” Alex said, handing over the hoodie as she got back in the car.

“This one’s yours?” Tobin questioned as she slowly took the sweatshirt.

“Well yeah, but yesterday I told you that since I had three pieces of clothing that were yours, it was only fair to give you a hoodie of mine,” Alex said with a laugh. _Shit. Does she not want it? Was that weird? Should I have just given hers back? Shit._

Tobin continued to look confused for a moment before cracking a smile, “Oh yeah!” She said, taking the hoodie. “But what if I don’t wanna wear a Berkeley hoodie?” She made a fake gagging noise as she pulled it over her head, “This is the wrong color blue for me.”

“Oh be quiet,” Alex said as she giggled and swatted playfully at Tobin’s arm. “I think you look good in navy blue and gold!”

Tobin just shook her head for a few seconds, incapable of wiping the smile off of her face. “Thanks for the jacket, Lex,” she said finally as she started the car. Tobin decided not to tell Alex she already had a sweatshirt for herself in the backseat. Alex's was more comfortable anyway.

“Thanks for the jacket, and the t-shirt, and the other jacket,” Alex said as they both began to laugh.

“So, lunch then movies?” Tobin asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Sounds perfect,” Alex said with a nod and another smile.

\------------

“So can you tell me now?” Kelley asked as the waiter laid down a slice of pizza in front of each of them.

Hope nodded slowly, looking down into her drink. She sipped on her straw as Kelley waited patiently for a definitive answer.

“Are you going to?” Kelley asked as Hope began to poke at her pizza, her own patience quickly running out.

 _I love you. Fuck, why can’t I say it?_ Hope looked up from her pizza to meet Kelley’s eyes for a second, but then quickly shot them down to Kelley’s plate. “Can I try yours?” She blurted as soon as she opened her mouth to try and say what she needed to. _Smooth, Solo. Smooth._

Kelley picked up her large slice of pizza and held it out to Hope so she could take a bite. “Can you tell me now?” She asked, pulling the pizza away from Hope’s mouth.

Hope nodded as she chewed slowly. She opened her mouth again as soon as she swallowed and looked up to Kelley who was watching her intently with a mixture of fear and irritation expressed on her face.

“Well?” Kelley asked, looking at Hope. _How bad could it be?_

“I love you, Kelley,” Hope said, resisting the urge to break eye contact. “I love you, and no distance or time we spend apart is gonna change that, okay? I love you.”

Kelley froze for a moment, still looking at Hope. “Hope, I-- I love you too,” She said eventually, a smile breaking out on her face. “You had me fucking worried you asshole,” she joked as Hope breathed a sigh of relief.

“What are you talking about?” She asked with a confused look on her face as she picked up her own pizza.

“We were talking about distance in the car and then you said you had to tell me something and it wasn’t something you could tell me while driving,” Kelley shook her head and picked up her own slice of pizza. “Obviously, my mind went to the worst possible idea. I figured you were gonna move to Europe or something.”

“Nah, we’ll only be one country apart,” Hope reassured with a laugh as she took a bite of her pizza.

“It better stay that way, Solo,” Kelley jokingly warned. “I love you, Hope,” she said sincerely offering Hope a warm smile

“I love you too, babe,” Hope said, reaching out with the hand that wasn’t holding her pizza to hold Kelley’s. It felt good to say that.

\------------

They arrived at the theater at three, half an hour early for their movie, after lunch and a quick 1v1 in the park. They were tied at two when Tobin realized they would have to leave if they wanted to make their movie on time.

Alex argued that she won because she scored the first goal. Tobin's convinced she won because she held the lead for longest. Tobin secretly didn't care who won, but Alex's competitive nature was cute and probably bad for her heart.

After they purchased their tickets and a popcorn and drink to share, Tobin and Alex began to head towards the theatre where their movie, _Inside Out_ , was playing.  Once they entered and picked out seats, they both started working on the popcorn.

"Hey Tobin, watch this!" Alex said as she tossed up a piece of popcorn to catch it in her mouth, missing by several inches.

Tobin laughed and reached to grab a few pieces for herself. "Watch a pro," she scoffed as she tossed up one, two, three pieces of popcorn and catching them all.

"How are you so good at that?" Alex asked, awe in her voice. She tossed up another piece and tried to catch it, only for it to land on Tobin's chest.

"Maybe you should stick to using your feet, Lex," Tobin joked as she picked the piece of popcorn off her chest and popped it in her mouth.

Alex stuck her tongue out at Tobin and threw a piece of popcorn at her.

Tobin caught it in her mouth effortlessly. "I'm just too slick," she smirked.

They both laughed as they reached for more popcorn and their hands grazed each other's. They looked up as they felt a spark between their fingers.

Tobin pulled her hand back and began to tug on the sleeve of Alex's hoodie that she was wearing. "Uh, Lex, can I ask you something?" Tobin bit her bottom lip and looked up into Alex's soft blue eyes.

"Anything," Alex said with a nod as she lightly rested her hand on top of Tobin's on their shared armrest.

"Is this, well," _How the hell do I say this?_ "Is this a date?" Tobin held the eye contact despite the need she felt to look away.

 _Fuck. Is it? Movies, check. Shared popcorn, check. Shared drink, check. Flirting? Definitely._ "Not if you don't want it to be," Alex said after a moment, careful not to shift her hand closer to or farther from Tobin's.

Tobin nodded for a moment, processing the information. _Do I want it to be?_ She looked down at Alex's hand on top of her own and couldn't help but smile as she felt the warmth from her touch.

"Do you want it to be?" Alex asked warily as the lights began to darken, signaling the beginning of the movie.

Tobin looked to the movie screen and the back to Alex. After everything that happened with Christen last night, everything should feel wrong. But with Alex? Everything just felt right. "I don’t know," she whispered, closing her hand around Alex's.

Alex smiled and intertwined her fingers with Tobin's. "It’s okay to not know,” she assured, loving the way Tobin’s hand fit together with hers.

Tobin nodded slowly, not quite sure how to handle something just being okay. WIth Christen it was all set in stone, everything had to be just perfect, everything had to have a label. "I heard this movie was really good," she gestured towards the screen as the short film before the movie began.

Alex nodded as she reached for more popcorn, picking up a few pieces and trying to toss them into her mouth.

"Alex!" Tobin hissed. "The movie's coming on."

"Tobin, we're literally the only people in here," Alex said with a laugh as she scoped the theater.

Tobin nodded as she looked around for herself. _Oh, we are. Just Alex. Alex and I. Alone. In the theater. Holding hands._ "Okay," she whispered as she tossed a piece of popcorn into her own mouth, narrowly missing it.

"Ha!" Alex said as the popcorn fell on the floor.

"Not fair! I had to use my left hand," Tobin said with a fake pout.

“You’re left handed!” Alex laughed as she rolled her eyes and they both turned towards the screen.

\------------

Ashlyn continued away from the bench. She was angry; angry at the people in the park for irking her, angry at the voice in her head for putting her down, and angry at her mind for not being able to control her emotions. But mostly, angry at herself for storming away before Ali could say anything.

She wasn't totally sure if Ali was following her or not, and she couldn't really hear over the kids in the park if there were any footsteps behind her, but eventually she reached the parking lot to Ali's apartment. The road had a mirror next to a yield sign so you could look for oncoming traffic when approaching from a bad angle. She looked into the mirror and noticed her warped reflection, no one was following her.

Now she was mostly angry at Ali.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since apparently the ending makes it sound like Ash is gonna get hit by a car, she doesn't. All that happened was she noticed Ali didn't follow her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Alex "hang out", Hope and Kelley talk about distance, and they make Ashlyn talk about feelings and whatnot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FCKC won I love my team so much

Nearly halfway through, as they reached a lull in the action of the movie, Tobin turned towards Alex. "So, what is, this?" She looked at their hands, fingers still interlocked. "What is this really, is this a date?"

Alex squeezed Tobin's hand to try and help comfort her. "It doesn't have to be," she reassured. "I know you just got done with Christen and I don't want you to rush into anything you aren't sure about."

Tobin nodded again as she looked away before looking back up to Alex, "What's wrong with me, Alex?" She whispered in a defeated voice.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked as she knit her eyebrows together in confusion, the movie playing on behind them.

"Why couldn't I be good enough for her?" Tobin looked down at the ground and pulled her hand away, leaning her elbows on her knees and cradling her head in her hands.

Alex felt like her heart was going to break. "No, Tobin," she reached an arm towards Tobin's shoulder. "It wasn't you."

Tobin sat up in the chair and rubbed at her eyes. _Yes it was. It's my fault. No one could ever love me._ A voice ran through her head and she clenched her jaw to bite back a tear. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom," Tobin said, quickly leaving the theater.

 

\------------

 

"Y'know, the league's doing really well," Hope said from across the couch in Kelley's apartment.

"Mhm," Kelley nodded, once again twirling Hope's High School championship ring that was on her finger. It had become regular thing by now.

-

_It was Hope's ring from back in her Freshman year, which was the only reason it could possibly fit Kelley. Hope had outgrown it within almost two months of receiving it, but she'd worn it on a silver chain around her neck nonetheless. She had one from her senior year as well, which luckily still fit, but it wasn't quite the same. It carried a different weight to it._

_Her senior year wasn't the year she beat all odds and made Varsity as a Freshman. Her senior year she didn't score the winning goal in stoppage time that got her that ring._

_No, her senior year was the year they got a new coach. A coach that told her, "No idiot in his right mind would play you as a forward." Which stung. And it still stung, because he was talking to the person that broke the state record for goals scored the year before. Who loved the thrill scoring goals made her feel. But no, he put her in goal._

_She was an amazing goalkeeper. And he was right, she was made to be in goal. And really, she didn't have the build to be a forward anyway. But it still stung a little to watch some guy who didn't even know her tell her she was a fool for doing what she was so good at._

_She was a better keeper than she was a forward. It was the right choice. She made a record 18 saves in their final match which they won, 2-0. She conceded five goals all year. She was a star. He was right, and part of that was why she kept her senior ring so close to her._

_Her freshman year ring? That was a sign of the past. A reminder of a wonderful season and an amazing, game-winning, championship-winning, goal. But that was the past._

_Her senior year ring? That was the start of something new. That was what her future was hinged on. She would never regret becoming a goalkeeper._

_Her freshman year ring was important to her, but she gave it to Kelley. For the right reasons, too. She shared her past with Kelley the night she gave her the ring. It was new for her to talk about the past, it was special. They both understood that._

_The fact that the ring fit Kelley perfectly just seemed to be fate._

-

"Well, there’s talk of an expansion team,” Hope continued tentatively, reaching out for her glass of water on the coffee table.

Kelley looked over at Hope curiously, “And?” She asked, prompting Hope to continue.

“They’re still looking at locations,” Hope said after taking a long drink of the water, the cold from the ice burning on the way down.

Kelley slid across the couch and laid her head down in Hope’s lap, looking up at the keeper. "Yeah?” She asked, reaching up to entangle her fingers with Hope’s free hand.

“Yeah,” Hope said with a nod, setting her drink down so she could stroke Kelley’s hair.

“What are the options?” Kelley asked as Hope began to slowly trace the freckles across her shoulder.

“Right now it’s looking like Los Angeles, Orlando, or,” Hope looked away from Kelley and clenched her jaw.

“Or?” Kelley asked, reaching up to Hope’s chin so she would face her.

Hope looked down and continued to trace her freckles. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up, Kell,” she said in a quiet voice as she leaned down to kiss Kelley on the nose.

“I’ll be okay,” Kelley said, reaching her hand up to soothingly trace across Hope’s jaw line. “You should really stop clenching your teeth. It’s why you get such bad headaches, y’know,” Kelley said with a small smile as she continued to trace down to Hope’s collarbone and then across the collar of her shirt.

Hope let her jaw go slack and smiled down at Kelley, “You take such good care of me.”

“Well, somebody has to,” Kelley joked as she let her hand fall to Hope’s side, a devilish grin springing across her face.

“Kelley O’Hara, I swear, if you tickle me I will dump you out of my lap and onto this floor,” Hope said, trying to hide a smile, but it revealed itself through the sparkle her eyes, giving away any stern demeanor she was trying to maintain.

Kelley pulled her hand away from Hope’s side and used it to push herself out of her lap. She situated herself comfortably and leaned into Hope’s side as her arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Hope pulled her in and placed a soft kiss on her hairline as Kelley reached out for her hand.

”So are you gonna tell me?” She asked as she craned her neck to make eye contact with Hope.

“Greensboro,” Hope said seriously, holding her gaze.

“Greensboro,” Kelly repeated, disbelief in her voice.

“Yeah, Greensboro,” Hope nodded as a smile spread across Kelley’s face. “Don’t get your hopes up,” she reminded.

Kelley nodded quickly, looking away then back at Hope. Then away again. She still had two years of college left, and Greensboro was only an hour away from the campus. Much better than their current situation with Hope in Seattle. “I love you,” Kelley said softly, pulling Hope’s hand that she was holding up so she could kiss her knuckles.

“I love you too,” Hope said, using her hand to angle Kelley so she was facing her. She kissed her lips softly the moved to kiss her nose, and the moved again to place a soft kiss on Kelley’s forehead.

“Let me know if you find out anything else, okay?” Kelley asked, cuddling into Hope.

“Of course,” Hope said tightening her grip around Kelley. “I love you,” she said again. It felt really nice to say it.

 

\------------

 

Tobin looked at herself in the mirror, chastising herself for wearing makeup as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Okay, I need to stop," she muttered to herself, clenching her jaw. She spent a few more minutes biting back tears until she finally felt like she could go back, but just as she turned towards the door she heard it creak open.

"Tobin?" Alex called in as she peered around the door.

She looked up at the door, "Yeah, Alex?".

"Are you okay?" Alex cautiously walked into the restroom, and held a hand out to Tobin. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

Tobin bit her lip and pulled away from Alex, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping the tears she had kept at bay wouldn't resurface. "No," she said through gritted teeth.

Alex nodded, "Okay, you don't have to." She took a careful step towards Tobin who had turned was leaning against the counter again, her knuckles now white from gripping it so hard. She reached her right hand out to Tobin's left who immediately softened under her touch. "I'm here for you," she said in a soft voice.

Tobin nodded slowly. "Thanks, Alex," her voice caught in her throat.

 _Is this okay?_ Alex thought as she wove her fingers through Tobin's. She reached across Tobin's body and slowly pulled her away from the counter, not releasing her grip from Tobin's hand. She enveloped Tobin into a hug and Tobin felt herself break as she leaned against Alex.

"I can't do this," she mumbled into Alex's shoulder. "I can't do this, I can't be strong. I need to be, I need to not break like this but I can't," Tobin let loose a sob as Alex let go of Tobin's hand and began to rub soothing patterns into her back.

"You don't have to be strong around me, Tobs," Alex whispered into Tobin's hair. She tightened her grip around Tobin's waist, pulling her in as close as she could. "You're okay, you're safe." She remembered her talk with Ashlyn from the day before in the locker room. "You're loved, Tobin. You really are," she pressed a soft kiss to Tobin's forehead as she felt her breathing even out.

Tobin pulled away from Alex and wiped at her eyes, looking down at the tears on Alex's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Alex reached back out for Tobin's left hand and held it in both of her own. "Don't be," she said soothingly, lacing her fingers through Tobin's and letting her other hand fall to the side.

"I'm sorry for ruining the movie for you," she whispered, looking down to the ground.

Alex let out a small laugh, “It’s okay, really.” She squeezed Tobin’s hand softly and reached her other hand out to angle Tobin’s chin up so she could look at her. “You didn’t ruin anything,” she reassured.

Tobin swallowed as she looked into Alex’s sparkling blue eyes. _Are you trying to kiss me?_ She asked herself as she looked down to Alex’s lips and back up again. _Or maybe I should try to kiss you._ Everything felt right with Alex, nothing was forced, there was no awkward silences. She looked down to Alex’s lips again, this time focusing on them for a little bit longer.

Alex maintained her focus as Tobin looked down, “So, are you okay?” She asked, pulling her hand from Tobin’s face before they did anything either of them might regret. Alex wanted to kiss Tobin, she really did, but she wanted it to be right. And right now, right after her breakdown in the bathroom, was definitely not the time.

Tobin just shrugged and took a small step back towards the counter. “I will be,” she insisted, letting go of Alex’s hand as she turned toward the mirror.

Alex walked a few steps away and grabbed some paper towels to clean up Tobin’s smudged make up. “Let me help you,” she said as Tobin turned towards her.

Tobin closed her eyes as Alex began to wipe away around them, she felt her heart rate slow down as Alex soothingly brushed against her skin.

“How’ve you liked the movie so far?” Tobin asked as Alex brushed a piece of hair behind her ear before pulling away from Tobin.

“I like it, it’s really interesting,” Alex said as she tossed the paper towel into the trashcan, turning to walk out of the restroom.

Tobin followed her so they could go back to the theater, “Maybe we should watch the rest of it then?” Alex smiled as Tobin carefully wrapped her arm around her waist, going slowly, prepared incase Alex told her it was too far.

"That sounds lovely,” she said, leaning into Tobin’s touch to reassure her.

Tobin nodded and smiled, securing her grip around Alex. _Maybe this could be a date. Maybe I’m ready. Maybe Alex could be good for me._ She decided to wait to say anything at least until the movie was over. _Besides, most people don’t cry about their exes on first dates._

 

\------------

 

Ali sat at on her couch with the tv blaring in front of her, glancing either at the doorway or her phone every few minutes. It had been awhile since Ashlyn left. Nearly three and a half hours to be precise.

Ali felt horrible. _What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t I say anything? Why didn’t I go after her?_ She was disappointed in herself, but mostly just sad knowing she had hurt Ashlyn. She looked back down at her phone again, trying to decide on what to say to Ashlyn. She eventually hit the call button, deciding she would just wing it.

Ashlyn didn’t answer.

Ali ended the phone call before it could go to voicemail and decided to try a text.

**Baby : is your hand ok?**

 

\------------

 

Ashlyn looked back down at her phone as it went off again, this time for a text.She didn’t know what to say. She felt like kind of an asshole for saying what she did and for leaving before Ali could respond. She felt like a loser when Ali didn’t follow her.

She felt like even more of a loser when Kelley came in to check on her about five minutes later.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s up, Ash?” She asked carefully as she sat down next to Ashlyn and put a comforting arm around her shoulder.

Ashlyn shook her head and reached out with her right hand towards her bedside table for a glass of water.

“What the fuck?” Kelley quickly reached over and grabbed Ashlyn’s hand carefully. “What happened?” She rubbed her fingers over the blood-stained knuckles carefully and Ashlyn winced as she pushed down on the swelling.

Ashlyn shrugged and tried to pull away, but Kelley was already crawling out of the bed and dragging her into the kitchen. “Kell, I’ll be fine,” she insisted as she followed Kelley through the doorway. “It’s just a little scratch.”

Kelly knit her eyebrows together as she continued to search for any medical supplies they happened to have. _Do we own anything but alcohol? Where the fuck is the hydrogen peroxide? Would vodka work?_

Hope walked into the kitchen as she heard Kelley continue to shuffle through various cabinets. “What happened?” She asked softly, looking down at her hand and then up to her eyes as she sat down next to Ashlyn.

“I punched a tree,” Ashlyn said with a small shrug and tried to move her fingers to show she was fine. “No biggie,” she choked out through the pain as she realized that moving her fingers may have been the worst possible idea in the world.

"Sure looks it,” Hope remarked sarcastically as she turned towards Kelley. “Top left above the microwave.”

Kelley nodded and had to reach up on her tiptoes to reach the first aid kit. It drew a laugh from Hope which was quickly cut off when Kelley flipped around with stern eyes.

"Come here and help me,” she muttered as she held various medical supplies in her hands with a hopeless look in her eyes.

Hope laughed again and walked over, grabbing a few paper towels and getting them wet to give to Ashlyn. “Clean the blood off,” she said nonchalantly, handing them over into Ashlyn’s non-injured hand. Ashlyn let out a small squeal of pain as she tried to clean off the hand and Hope gave her a disappointed look.

“If you hadn’t left the blood to dry for so long it wouldn’t hurt so badly,” she pointed out as she walked over, hydrogen peroxide and bandages in hand.

“Yeah, well,” Ashlyn sighed as she continued to scrub away the blood. “I think the general consensus from today is I’m an idiot,” she admitted, thinking back to what she had said to Ali. She wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean it was right for her to say.

“Cheer up, kid,” Hope offered, laying a washcloth over Ashlyn’s hand. “I’m sure you didn’t fuck up too badly with princess,” Hope laughed as she, unsuccessfully, tried to lighten the mood.

Ashlyn winced as the cold liquid washed over her knuckles, causing a whole new kind of sting, _Oh, but I did._

Kelley leaned on the counter after sending a text to Ali.

**Kell : what happened w you and ash?**

_Is it bad to text your best friend’s possibly-ex-girlfriend behind her back? Probably._ She dabbed away at Ashlyn's hand as new blood spilled over from Ashlyn’s too-harsh scrubbing. “We’ll take care of you,” Kelley offered, smearing antibiotic ointment across the scrapes.

Ashlyn nodded, “Thanks, guys, really. You’re the best.” That thought didn’t last very long as Hope applied gauze and medical tape over the bruising and swelling, causing an unbearable ache to shoot up through her wrist. “Does it really have to be that tight?” Ashlyn asked as Kelley laid an icepack next to her hand.

“If you want the swelling to go down,” Hope said, picking up the icepack and placing it on Ashlyn's hand after she tore off the last piece of tape.

Ashlyn groaned again as the pressure from the ice weighed down on her hand. “Let’s just watch a movie or something,” she suggested as she got up and walked into the living room, balancing the icepack on her aching hand. She pulled her phone out to finally message Ali back about her hand.

**Ash : it'll be fine.**

Kelley nodded as she followed them into the living room, and checked a new text she got from Ali.

**Ali : i think we might’ve broken up...**

Kelley looked up at Ashlyn who was sitting next to Hope on the couch. She looked kind of like a sad puppy dog, fiddling with her phone as Hope clicked through the channels.

**Kell : think?**

Ashlyn read the reply from Ali that she got almost immediately.

**Baby : good.**

**Ash : we’re still going to dinner together with the gang, right?**

_Or have I fucked that up, too?_ Ashlyn asked herself.

**Baby : of course. we can talk later?**

**Ash : yeah. sounds good**

**Ash : i’m sorry**

**Baby : don’t be. i love you.**

**Ash: i love you too.**

**Baby: forever?**

**Ash : forever. every fight and every heartbreak, i promise that i will always love you alex b krieger.**

Ali smiled down at her phone. Ashlyn only ever called her “Alex” when she felt the need to be serious. She was also comforted in the thought that she hadn’t messed up too much. They were still “Ash and Ali”. And maybe soon they could be “Ash and Ali” everywhere and not care what people though. But right now they were still “Ash and Ali” and that was enough. She tried to come up with something sweet to say back, but she just didn't have it in her.

h

**Baby : me too.**

Ali decided to text Kelley again and let her know things weren’t too bad.

**Ali : i thought. we should be okay. she’s still my ash.**

Kelley looked up as Ashlyn smiled at her phone.

**Kell : that’s good. don’t scare a friend like that again. i love you guys**

\------------

Tobin and Alex abandoned the theater and took to the park across the street, hand in hand. They traveled to a small patio and lied down on the cold wood floor.

It was mid-October, and despite the jacket Tobin had reminded her to bring, Alex could feel herself shivering as goosebumps rose to her skin. The only warmth she felt throughout her entire body came from the two fingers she had loosely intertwined with Tobin’s. “I had fun tonight,” she choked out through chattering teeth.

Tobin leaned up off the wood floor and immediately began to strip herself of the Berkeley hoodie Alex had loaned her.

“Here, take this,” she offered, pulling it over her head before Alex could say no.

“Tobin, it’s freezing, I can’t take your jacket,” Alex said, shaking her head as she leaned up to match the other girl’s eyes.

Tobin let out a loose laugh. “It’s actually your jacket,” she reminded her. “Besides, I’m warm blooded. I’m from New Jersey, so really, this is nothing,” she shrugged as she pushed the clothing towards Alex once again. “The Cali girl in you isn’t even close to ready for a North Carolina winter, huh?” She teased as Alex took the jacket.

 _Could you stop being so, I don’t know, perfect?_ Alex thought to herself as she put the jacket on, not knowing if the new warmth she felt was from the extra layer or Tobin’s kindness. “Not even close,” she said, rubbing her hands together to warm her fingers.

Tobin reached out, taking Alex’s hands between her own. “You’ll get used to it,” she said quietly, suddenly aware of just how much space she had closed between them just by grabbing Alex’s hands.

Alex relished in the warmth of Tobin’s strong, comforting hands and resisted the urge to close the distance between them, what little of it there was. “Well with you around it doesn’t look like the cold will be a problem,” she joked as she backed away slightly, wiggling her fingers between Tobin’s.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to keep me around then,” Tobin teased, pulling away from Alex so she could lean back on her hands.

“Guess I will,” Alex said back, following in suit and leaning back on her hands with her left hand close enough that they’d be touching if either of them spread their fingers.

Tobin readjusted her weight and took the courage to close the distance, loosely threading her fingers through Alex’s, “I think I’d be okay with that.”

Alex was unable to contain a smile as she squeezed Tobin’s hand softly. “Yeah?” She asked, looking over at Tobin for confirmation. Whether it was for the joke about the weather or the seriousness of the distance between their hands, neither of them could be entirely sure.

"Yeah,” Tobin said with a soft smile. She scanned her eyes across the surrounding scenery until her phone buzzed on the wood next to her.

**Hope : dinner at 7, your place**

Tobin glanced at her watch to see it was already almost six-thirty, then looked over to Alex who was admiring the sunset. “Dinner’s gonna be in about half an hour back at my place, we should get going.”

Alex gave a small nod, not looking away from the horizon. “It’s beautiful,” she said, quiet enough that Tobin almost didn’t hear her.

“Not as beautiful as you,” she said, pulling Alex up to her feet and rubbing her thumb across her knuckles. It was cheesy, Tobin knew it was cheesy.

A small blush rose to Alex’s cheeks as she looked over to Tobin, not quite sure of what to say. Alex loved cheesy.

“Hey, Alex?” Tobin asked in a small voice as they started towards the car.

“Yeah, Tobs?” Alex looked up from the ground to meet the midfielder’s eyes.

"I know now,” she held Alex’s gaze and gave a small smile. “I want this to be a date.”

 

\------------

 

As soon as Hope sent off the text, she was out on the balcony to help Ashlyn with the grill. “Is Ali coming?” She asked nonchalantly as she leaned against the wall.

Ashlyn looked up from where she was struggling to turn on the gas with her injured hand. “Can you help me with this?” She asked, looking up at Hope.

Hope nodded and stepped forward, taking the platter with hamburgers and hot dogs on it away from Ashlyn's good hand and then leaning down to start the grill. “Are you gonna answer me?” She turned towards Ashlyn as she set the platter down on the small glass table.

Ashlyn shrugged, “She said she is, but she isn’t here yet. Maybe she won't show up.”

"Give it a few minutes,” Hope said as she walked into the house. “She’s probably on her way.”

“But what if she’s mad at me?” Ashlyn asked as she followed Hope into the apartment.

Hope shook her head as she continued into the kitchen and pulled two beers out of the fridge, handing one over to Ashlyn. “What would she be mad at you for?” It was partially a joke but there was the underlying seriousness of it, especially considering Ashlyn’s hand was most definitely injured, probably not broken - _hopefully_ , not broken - and it seemed to be Ali’s fault. And Hope still wasn't entirely sure why.

"Overreacting?” Ashlyn reached for the beer with her right hand at first, wincing as she tried to hold it, then switching it over to her left.

"Why'd you do it anyway, Ash?" Hope asked quietly. She didn't want to draw Kelley into the conversation and impede on their shared trust, but if she was being honest, she was pretty worried about her friend. Her _goalkeeper_ friend that has a future where her hands are fairly important.

"I just," she shrugged and set her beer on the counter, wiping the back of her neck with the condensation on her hand. "I needed to feel something. For so long I've felt so loved, but lately," she trailed off, picking at the label on the bottle. "Lately it just feels like she and I aren't compatible anymore. Like we-- like we don't belong."

Hope nodded silently as she took a deep breath. "What happened?"

"You know what happened, I punched a fucking tree," Ashlyn snapped, looking up from the shreds of a soggy paper in her hands.

"I meant with Ali," Hope said, maintaining her calm voice. "What happened with Ali that pushed you to, well," she gestured towards Ashlyn's still bandaged hand.

"Oh, right," Ashlyn walked over to throw away the paper from the label before continuing. "We were at her place and we weren't even _doing_ anything, just lying on her couch, but then Pinoe knocked and she just got all, weird," Ashlyn shrugged. "She was practically ignoring me and it's just been like that for awhile. Like yesterday, when we were walking around, there were times she wouldn't even stand next to me, or talk to me! I mean, sure, we can't hold hands, but she doesn't have to pretend I don't exist." Ashlyn blew out a large breath she didn't know she was holding. It felt good to talk about what she'd been hiding from Tobin and Kelley. She wasn't quite sure why she'd been hiding it, if anyone was there for her unconditionally it was them, but for some reason, she felt that talking about, bringing it out in the open, made it real. She didn't want it to be real, she wanted to be in the same blissful fairytale she'd been experiencing up until now.

Hope reached out a comforting hand and patted Ashlyn's shoulder. "You guys'll be okay," she said with a small squeeze as her arm slid down to Ashlyn's bicep before pulling away.

"That's what I always thought too, but this, us dancing around each other like we can't even speak, this isn't working," Ashlyn shook her head and then took a long drink of her beer, wishing it was something stronger.

Hope nodded sympathetically, "Why do you think she's been so distant?"

"I think maybe she's afraid of coming out, terrified even," Ashlyn sighed. "And I'm okay with that, we don't have to come out. I'm here for her, y'know? I just don't get what she's scared for."

"Try talking to her tonight," Hope suggested. "Just try to ask her what she's afraid of, remind her you're here for her." Hope got a spatula off the back of the counter, "And come keep me company while I grill.

"I can grill," Ashlyn insisted as they walked towards the balcony.

"You can't even hold a beer, I'm not trusting you with my dinner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who were you going for in the final?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and confrontations go well together, right? (not right)

Ali got to the house at precisely 6:55 and stayed in her car for the extra five minutes, trying to figure out how to apologize to Ashlyn. _I know she was upset, but could she have really believed what she said? Does Ashlyn really think I don't care about her anymore? That I don't love her? That I'm more concerned with my image?_ Ali slammed her hands on the wheel of her car. "This is for you!" She yelled to the empty car. "This is for you, I can't-- I can't let you lose everything because of me," she closed her eyes and leaned forward to rest her forehead. "I really do love you Ashlyn, but I don't want you to come out and lose everything."

It was different if Ali did it, she's a defender. Her name won't be in the headlines, Ali Krieger doesn't score goals, or save them. She won't have a shutout, she'll just be there to help with it. Her part is important, of course, but not in the same way Ashlyn's is. Defenders aren't huge names, she had a lot less to lose than Ashlyn.

It wasn't the same as Hope doing it either, Hope was the best. Hope proved she was one of the best, it didn't matter her sexuality, she already had a name for herself. She was Hope Solo: The Goalkeeper, Ashlyn wasn't anything yet. _I just don't want you to resent me for letting us come out and ruining your future._

Ali looked up from the steering wheel and her eyes caught the clock on her dashboard. _7:02, great. Now I'm late and I still don't have any sort of plan._ She got out of the car, deciding she'd wing it if the chance to talk to Ashlyn presented itself.

\------------

Tobin was uncharacteristically happy when she and Alex walked into the apartment.  They were late, about fifteen minutes late, but neither of them really cared. After the day with Alex - the _date_ with Alex - she felt happier than she had in months with Christen.  

When they arrived, they immediately went to Tobin's room where Alex shed the Berkeley hoodie Tobin gave her at the park onto the bed and laid her purse and Tobin's UNC jacket next to each other on the chair. She patted the hoodie before walking across the room, "Hold onto that for me, okay?"

"Wrong color blue, doesn't look good on me," she insisted, shaking her head.

"I think it looks great on you," Alex walked over to Tobin and placed her hands on Tobin's shoulders. "You don't have to wear it around campus, but hold onto it. I'm just gonna keep stealing all of yours, so I want you to have something when that happens."

Tobin broke into a smile as Alex's hands slid down around her wrists. Alex laughed and Tobin wondered if there could be a more perfect sound in the world.

She decided there wasn’t.

\------------

Kelley was the first to notice that Tobin was genuinely smiling. Sure, she always had a grin of some sort, but this was different. It was subtle; the way she showed both rows of teeth, the pull around her lips making her smile seen twice as large, how her eyes crinkled at the corners and her eyelids would flutter shut as she laughed. Not just anybody could notice it, but Kelley wasn’t just anybody.

There was probably only one other person in the world who could notice it, so when Ashlyn walked over to Kelley from a quick conversation with Tobin and Alex, she isn’t surprised at what’s said.

Ashlyn sat on the bar stool next to her, “Tobin looks better than she has in months.”

Kelley nodded in agreement, “Any idea why?”

“When I saw Alex this morning, she said Tobin had been crying last night. Mentioned she thought it was Christen,” Ashlyn offered, rubbing her fingers gingerly over her knuckles.

“Then why would she be happy?” Kelley looked at Ashlyn’s hands as she shrugged.

“Let’s not mess with a good thing,” Ashlyn winced as she pushed a little too hard on one of the bruises.

“You’re right, let’s mess with a bad thing,” Kelley turned slightly towards Ashlyn as she looked up with a questioning glance. “What happened with Ali?”

Ashlyn sighed, _This again?_ “Nothing.”

“That’s a lie,” Kelly lightly tapped Ashlyn’s hand with her bottle.

“You're a dick!” Ashlyn exclaimed, pulling her hand back dramatically and covering it with the other for protection.

Kelley just laughed, “What happened?”

“I just feel like she doesn’t love me like she used to.”

Kelley prompted her to continue, “There’s more than that.”

“Yeah, there is,” Ashlyn almost laughed at herself for thinking Kelley would let this go. “She’s been so weird lately, it feels like any affection she shows is muted. We were on her couch, cuddling, when Pinoe came over and she acted like I didn’t exist. I headed to the park next door and let my thoughts get to me I guess. I wanted to feel something, remind myself that I could _feel_ something.”

“Of course you felt that, dumbass. Next time you’re being an idiot, let me do the honors,” Kelley joked as she attempted to put an arm around Ashlyn’s shoulders, despite the height difference. “Seriously though, don’t hurt yourself dude. I love you, and I’m always here if you need to talk,” Kelley leaned up to kiss Ashlyn’s temple before leading into another joke. “Like, literally always. Especially now that Hope’s leaving, I don’t have a life outside of you guys and soccer.”

“There are these things called grades, Kell,” Ashlyn joked back, glad to be reminded of just how much her friends really care.

“Oh right, those,” Kelley stood up and grabbed her drink. “You should go talk to Ali, I’m gonna find Hope.”

\------------

Ali looked up from her conversation with Tobin as Ashlyn walked over to them.

Tobin glanced from Ali to Ashlyn and picked up her soda. "I'm gonna go find Alex," she offered before turning away.

"I'm sorry," Ashlyn said as soon as they were alone.

"No, _I'm_ sorry," Ali insisted. She reached her right hand out to Ashlyn's bandaged one, "How is it?"

Ashlyn shrugged and pulled away, "It's fine."

"Ash, you can talk to me," she reached out farther to hook Ashlyn's pinky finger with her own. "I love you."

"I love you too," _I think I love you._

"Please talk to me," Ali pulled Ashlyn's hand up to her mouth and placed a soft kiss over the gauze. "If you aren't manning the grill it must be pretty bad, you don't let anyone touch your grill," Ali joked.

"Hey, the Great Balcony Fire of Spring Semester was a big deal, okay?" Ashlyn laughed as she recalled the memory.

"It wasn't Tobin's fault I was trying to do my hair on the balcony. I just," she made a few large hand gestures, "The flames were too large and I wasn't paying attention to the hairspray."

"I had to replace a whole set of patio furniture!"

"It was one old camp chair that _really_ needed to be replaced anyway."

"It's the _principle_ of it, Ali," Ashlyn shook her head, incapable of shedding her smile. _Why can't things always be this easy with us?_

\------------

Tobin pulled her phone out of her pocket as she felt it vibrate.

**Pressy <3 : sorry for getting upset yesterday..talk later?**

She froze as she read through the message. Then read it again. Then again.

Alex looked over from her conversation with Kelley as she noticed Tobin's silence, "You okay?" She switched her drink to the other hand and reached her arm out to hold Tobin's bicep.

Tobin looked up from her phone and her face lit up in a smile as she felt Alex anchor her away from what she was about to do. "Yeah, thanks, Lex."

Alex smiled and squeezed her arm before letting her hand drop.

\------------

They recalled stories and joked around before Ali brought out a serious tone, "Why did you do it, Ash?"

Ashlyn let her eyes fall to the ground as all emotion left her face, "You know why."

"No, Ashlyn. I really don't."

Ashlyn looked at her incredulously. _What makes you think you have the right--_ "Don't act like you don't know what's been going on," Ashlyn said sternly as she raised her voice a little.

"Ashlyn, calm down," Ali reached out to brush Ashlyn's hand but she pulled it away.

"Don't _fucking_ tell me to calm down!"

Hope came in as everyone on the balcony began to notice them. "Whoa, guys--"

"Stay out of this, Hope!" They both snapped.

Ashlyn grabbed Ali’s arm and dragged them to her bedroom.

\------------

"Should we, uh, step in?" Hope looked to Ashlyn's best friends for answers, but Kelley looked shell-shocked and Tobin was still on the balcony, too caught up in Alex's eyes to notice anything else. "Kell, look at me."

Kelley dragged her eyes away from Ashlyn's bedroom door to meet Hope just as Tobin and Alex were walking in.

"What was that?" Alex asked as they entered the kitchen.

"I'm not sure, something happened with Kriegs and Ash," Hope responded as she put a comforting arm over Kelley's shoulders.

"Should we do something?" Alex looked to Tobin for answers, but she had none.

"No," Kelley said as she slowly met with reality. "I mean, Ash was telling me something was wrong, but I didn't think too much about it."

Tobin nodded in agreement, "Anything we try to do will just make it worse."

Alex nodded as she patted Tobin's arm comfortingly.

"I just don't _get_ it," Hope said, shaking her head in disbelief. "They're the fairytale couple, the unbreakable duo, y’know? What happened? It doesn't make sense."

\------------

"What the fuck is going on with you, Ashlyn?" Ali yelled, but it wasn't really a question.

"Me? What’s going on with me? What about you?" Ashlyn screamed back. "Don't act like you haven't felt how awkward things are lately. You freeze up when we're around other people, you barely pay attention to me in public, you hardly even show me affection when nobody's around!"

Ali sat on the foot of Ashlyn's bed and dropped her head in her hands, beginning to rub her temples.

"Talk to me, Ali!" Ashlyn yelled through gritted teeth. "Speak! You can't just ignore me like this, relationships take two!"

Ali looked up at Ashlyn, who was nearing tears.

Ashlyn's voice softened. "Say something, Al. Anything, please. I love you, I can't let you go."

"Maybe you need to," she croaked out.  _You'd be better off without me._

"Wh-- what?" Ashlyn tried to make eye contact but Ali's eyes were back down, staring through the wooden floor. "What do you mean?"

"We can't be out, Ashlyn. It wouldn't be good for us."

"No, Ali. You don't get to--,” She stopped, frustrated that that was what Ali thought this was about. “You don’t get to say shit. You don't get to say anything." Ashlyn clenched her fists, ignoring the pain shooting through her right hand. "You don't get to blame all of this on us not being out, on me wanting us to be out."

"That's what this is about."

"No! No, Ali, this is so much more than us not being _fucking_ out. This is about how you don't fucking love me anymore!"

Ali let out a small, bitter laugh.

"Don't laugh at this! Do you, Ali? Do you really love me anymore?"

Ali finally looked up, only to be met with the pain and honesty behind Ashlyn's eyes. And fear, so much fear.

"Say something, Ali. Please, say anything," Ashlyn could feel her heart fall apart as a tear rolled down her cheek in the silence.

Ali pressed her lips together and reached out to hold Ashlyn's hands between her own. "I'm sorry, Ash." She stood up to be level with Ashlyn and pulled her into a tight hug, "I'm so, unbelievably, sorry."

Ashlyn just shook her head as Ali squeezed her arms around her broad shoulders. "No," she whispered. "This can't be happening, don't do this to me."

Ali pulled away from Ashlyn but not without pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I am so sorry Ashlyn, I really am," Ali squeezed Ashlyn's forearm before releasing her completely and leaving Ashlyn alone in the room, sobs racking through her body.

\------------

Ali left the bedroom, tears welling in her eyes.

"What happened?" Kelley asked as she walked closer to her.

"Uh, you guys should probably," she thought of Ashlyn and she suddenly felt like she was getting stabbed in the heart. Tears threatened to fall and she took in shaky breath. "Go talk to Ashlyn," she muttered as she sped to the door, leaving before anyone could ask anything else.

They all looked from Ashlyn's door to the one Ali just walked out of, frozen in thought.

Tobin was the first to do something. She walked over to Ashlyn's door and softly pushed it open, walking in to see a crumpled Ashlyn sobbing on the bed. "Hey, Ash?"

Ashlyn turned towards her slightly but didn't uncover her face.

"Shh, you'll be okay," Tobin sat next to her and rubbed her back soothingly.

"No I won't," she muffled into the pillow.

Kelley followed Tobin into the room and pushed the door shut behind them. She sat on the other side of Ashlyn, leaning down to give her an awkward hug, "What happened?"

Ashlyn mumbled into the pillow again and Tobin and Kelley worked together to flip her over so they could talk to her.

Tobin brushed some of the hair outside of Ashlyn's face and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, "We're here for you, dude."

"Always," Kelley agreed.

"I don't," Ashlyn paused as she tried to say something but the words wouldn't come. "I just don't know."

Tobin and Kelley looked at each other for a moment and then lied down next to Ashlyn. "That's okay, we'll just be here for you," Kelley said, resting her head on Ashlyn's shoulder.

Tobin nodded and hooked her arm through Ashlyn's.

\------------

Ali walked out of the apartment building and to her car. She remained stoic until she sat down in her driver's seat, where she lost it.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered to the empty car. She dropped her head to the steering wheel, causing the horn to go off and effectively scaring off the cat that had been resting on her hood. She pulled out her phone and decided she should try for the one person that was always there for her. Except Ashlyn, of course.

She made a mental note to never 'just wing' anything again.

**Kriegs : i need you**

\------------

"I don't think they're coming back," Alex finally said nearly fifteen minutes later.

Hope just shrugged, "I assume if Kelley closed the door we probably shouldn't go in, I just wish we knew what was wrong."

"How long have they been together?"

"The three of them?"

Alex rolled her eyes, "No, Ash and Ali."

"Oh," Hope looked to the ground before answering. "Awhile. I don't know exactly how long, but they've been out to me for almost two years."

"That's a long time," Alex said, thinking about her pathetic eight-month relationship with Servando.

Hope laughed, "Yeah, I guess it kinda is."

"How long have the three of them been friends?"

"A little over a year, they met at tryouts last year," Hope turned to scope the apartment. "Shit, I forgot about the grill."

Alex followed her out onto the balcony with more questions, "Really, only a year?"

Hope laughed again. If she was being honest, she couldn't really believe it either. "Yeah, you wouldn't know it though."

"How long have you two been friends?"

Hope looked up at her from where she was putting patties onto a platter, "You sure ask a lot of questions, don't you?"

Alex blushed, "Sorry, yeah, I guess I'm just curious." _It's not like Tobin's exactly eager to talk about her past._ "Do you need help with anything?"

"Take this, set it on the table," Hope handed her the platter and turned to turn off the grill before following Alex inside. "Ash and I met her freshman year, so, two years ago. We weren't very good friends for awhile, we never talked. It's hard to be buddies with the person you're competing for the starting position with, y'know?"

Alex nodded understandingly as they sat down at the table. "But you guys are friends now, right?"

"Of course," Hope grabbed the buns and condiments to set them on the table before joining Alex. "About halfway through that season we realized that our little feud was childish and pathetic. We agreed it would be better for the both of us if we worked together, so we did. Long story short, we became really good friends by deciding to help each other.” She paused and then continued with a  joke and a small laugh, “It's almost like she's my little sister, except she's more annoying than a sibling."

Alex laughed for a moment before getting cut off by Hope.

"So what's going on with you and Tobin?"

She froze. _What do I say? Do I say nothing? Do I say I don't know? Do I say we went on a date today? Do I say that she's really funny and her smile makes me smile and how much she deserves to know she's loved and happy?_ "Nothing."

Hope raised an eyebrow but decided to drop the question.

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"If I can ask you one more," Hope joked.

"Alright, shoot."

"Do you like Tobin?"

She really should've know that one was coming, "Yeah."

Hope nodded in consideration, "Well, if it means anything, I approve."

"Of me liking Tobin?"

"No, of you possibly being with her. I approve of you _for_ Tobin."

Alex smiled, "Oh! Thanks." She looked around the apartment as if searching for Tobin, "Are you guys good friends?"

"Is that your one question?"

"No," Alex felt kind of bad for asking so many.

"Yes, we are. What's your question?"

"So you're _the_ Hope Solo? Like, _the_ the Hope Solo, right?"

Hope was unable to control her laughter. "Yes, for the last time. Now help me get dinner ready for the three amigos."

\------------

Heather picked her phone up off the table to check it, then immediately clicked the call button and began to worry. As soon as the line connected, she began talking. "Ali? Are you okay? What happened, do you need me to come get you?"

"I--," Ali faltered, not sure how to explain that she just broke up with the love of her life. "I need you."

"I know, Kriegs. What's wrong? Where are you? I'll pick you up," Heather picked up her purse as she walked to the door.

"What is it?" Amy asked, standing up from their dinner and walking to follow Heather. "Hao, is Ali okay?"

Heather pulled the phone away from her ear for a moment as Ali just sobbed. "I don't know," she admitted.

"I can't do this," Ali whispered into the phone, almost too quiet for Heather to hear her.

"What? Ali, where are you, ARod and I will come get you."

"I can't," Ali whispered again.

"Give me the phone," Amy stood up and took the phone from Heather, putting it on speaker. "Ali, listen to me. Take a deep breath, a few of them if you have to, and tell us what happened."

Ali followed her advice until she was hardly crying and could form semi-coherent sentences. "I'm outside Ash's apartment--"

"Did Ashlyn do something to you? Did she break up with you? Did she hit you?" Heather took the phone back from Amy as she yelled into it. "Did she hurt you? I'll kill her."

Ali cringed as the realization of what she just did came crashing back into her, she had no reason to be sad. No right to be sitting here in this parking lot sobbing and calling for help. "No, Ashlyn didn't do anything," Ali assured. "Just, can you come here?"

Heather walked towards the door, picking her purse back up and grabbing her keys as she waves for Amy to follow. "Of course Kriegs, ARod and I will be there as soon as we can."

"Thank you," Ali clicked the line off and rested her head back on the steering wheel.

"Wait, what happened?" Amy followed Heather down to the carport as she tried to process the phone call. "Ash did something?"

Heather shook her head and realized that she had just told her the two of them were a couple. "Ash and Ali have been dating for, well, awhile. I'll explain in the car."

\------------

“Hey guys,” Hope opened the door slowly and was met with a half asleep Tobin, a protective Kelley, and a sniffling and tear stained Ashlyn all cuddled into each other on the bed. “Alex and I finished up dinner, it’d probably be good for you guys to come out and get something to eat.”

Kelley nodded as she crawled out of the bed, “You’re right.” She turned back to take the blanket off of Ashlyn and tried to pull her to her feet. “Come on, things are gonna be okay.”

Ashlyn sat with her feet hanging off the bed, her arms limp as Kelley tugged on them. “No it’s not,” she argued. “How can you tell me things are gonna be okay?” She pulled away and rolled back over onto the bed. “Ali just bro--” she couldn’t finish the word before breaking into a sob.

Tobin leaned down to hug her and pulled on her shoulder, trying to roll her closer. “It’ll be okay buddy,” she got her to get out of the bed and put an arm around her to hold her up.

Kelley walked over to help support Ashlyn as they left the bedroom and guided her to the table.

\-----------

Heather walked up to the car and tapped on the window, "Hey, I got here as fast as I could. You alright?"

Ali opened her door and Amy put an arm around her. "What happened Al?"

"I--" Ali broke down into their arms. "I can't."

"Shh, that's okay," Heather rubbed her back as they pulled her to the car.

Amy took the seat next to Ali in the second row and pulled her in for a hug, "You're gonna be alright Al, I promise."

Ali mumbled a thanks into her shirt as they drove off.

\------------

Alex looked around the table awkwardly, not knowing what to say and feeling that she wasn’t quite close enough with any of them to be in a situation that felt so intimate.

"What time does your flight leave in the morning?" Tobin asked, an attempt at normal conversation.

"Seven, I think. I have to be there at six fifteen," Hope set down her burger and wiped her hands on a napkin.

"Wow, that's early," Tobin looked around the table and suddenly realized she had no idea what Alex's class schedule looked like. "When's your first class?"

Alex looked up, _Are you talking to me?_ She looked at the other girls briefly, _Oh, of_ course _you are, I'm the only one who isn't your best friend or anything._ "Eight, it's at eight," she muttered quickly, realizing just how much time she had spent thinking to herself.

"Oh, cool, where?"

"Math and Science, I've got calculus."

"Oh, cool! I'm in that building too, what's the rest of your schedule like?" Tobin nodded with genuine interest.

"I've got English at ten thirty and then a history course at two," Alex set down her food and looked at everyone else. "What about you guys?"

"Physics at eight, English ten thirty, and history at two," Tobin laughed. "Our schedules are crazy similar, funny, right?"

Alex nodded with a smile, "Can't believe we haven't seen each other before."

Tobin instantly felt bad for never even trying to notice Alex. In reality, she probably had seen her, and just didn't notice. "Yeah, that's weird."

"I've got classes at nine, half past noon, and three," Kelley took Hope's hand in her own. "Good thing my first one's so late, I can take Hope to the airport."

Hope nodded and let out a light laugh, "Yeah, how kind of you to not make me leave the state on my own."

"Oh hush," Kelley laughed and looked to Ashlyn. "When are your courses tomorrow?"

"You know," Ashlyn mumbled and poked at the food on her plate.

"Alex doesn't," Kelley retorted.

"Oh no, it's okay," Alex started, a bit nervous at provoking something until Tobin reached under the table and held her hand.

"Come on Ash, don't be a dick," Tobin looked at Ashlyn who nonchalantly took a large drink from her glass.

"Eight thirty, eleven, and two," she set her glass down on the table. "Do you need anything else?"

Alex looked down at the table and pretended to be really interested in what was left of her burger. "I think I'm gonna go," she got up from the table and Tobin followed quickly behind.

"No, Lex--"

"No Tobs, it's alright," she gave a small laugh. "I have class tomorrow anyway."

"Can I walk you home at least?"

Alex nodded reluctantly as she left Tobin's room with her purse and Tobin's jacket in hand, "Yeah, thanks."

"I'll be back," Tobin turned to Ashlyn and tried to muster something meaningful to say.

"Bye," Ashlyn said as Tobin closed the door behind her and Alex.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin makes her decision about meeting with Christen (Alex isn't happy about it), Kelley spends her last night with Hope (Hope thinks she needs a reality check), and Ashlyn wakes up alone (It hurts like hell)

Amy walked back into their apartment and dropped her keys by the door, "How is she?"

Heather looked up from her notes, "Oh, uh, asleep in my room, I think."

"I got her some clothes," she dropped a hastily packed overnight bag on the floor. "Think she'll be up for classes tomorrow?"

"I think midterms are too close for her to be slacking," Heather admitted. She clicked her pen closed and set it down as she shut a binder.

"Are we gonna," Amy looked down to the hall to ensure the door to Heather's room was closed. "Are we gonna talk about the alcohol on her breath?"

Heather nodded, "We probably should." She stood up from the table, officially giving up on studying for the night.

"Do you think Ashlyn broke up with her?"

"I have no idea what to think, all she'd do was cry and say she was sorry and she messed up," Heather sighed and walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter with Amy following behind.

"Should we try and talk to Ash?" Amy pulled her phone out as if she meant right now.

"I don't know, if Ali hasn't said anything yet, I'll text her tomorrow. Let's just," Heather yawned and rubbed at her eyes. "Let's deal with this tomorrow."

  
  


\------------

 

"Are you sure Ash doesn't, like, need you or something?" Hope grazed her fingers along the side of Kelley's face.

Kelley brought her hand up to interlock fingers with Hope's, "I think she needs some time."

"What about Tobin?"

"Tobin's got Alex," Kelley shrugged and rolled over so she was laying on Hope's chest.

"Kell, they hardly know each other. They didn't even know each other's schedules."

"I'm sure if either of them need to talk they'll come to me."

Hope nodded, but she didn't believe a word of it; she made a mental note to text them both later.

"Do you really have to leave tomorrow?" Kelley pulled away from Hope so she could look into her eyes despite the awkward positions they were laying in on Kelley's bed.

Hope leaned down and kissed Kelley's forehead, "I do."

"But why?"

"It's the job, Kell."

Kelley started to twist Hope's ring as the realization that she was really leaving again settled in. _But why?_ "Could I drop out of college?"

Hope pulled away from Kelley and sat up, "What?"

"Or what about a college in Seattle, what colleges are in Seattle?"

Hope laid her head in her hands and sighed. "You're not dropping out, or transferring, or anything."

"But I want to be closer to you," Kelley reasoned as she sat up next to Hope.

"No, Kelley. I'm not letting you risk your future like this," Hope nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of it. "You're insane."

"What do you mean?" Kelley slightly pouted.

"I mean you aren't in your right mind, you aren't making rational decisions," Hope said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Kelley, you have to understand that yes, I would do anything to give you the world, but we have to be real and consider the world around us."

Kelley sighed and slumped back down into the bed. "I just miss you a lot."

Hope slid down next to her, "I know Kell, I miss you too. We're gonna be okay though, right?" Hope reached down and hooked her pinky finger with Kelley's.

"Of course," Kelley leaned up and kissed Hope's cheek before letting her head fall. "Forever and always," she mumbled into Hope's collarbone.

 

\------------

 

They were nearly halfway through their walk when their hands brushed together awkwardly one too many times for Alex's sanity to stay intact.

Alex stopped in the sidewalk and waited for Tobin to stop as well before saying anything. "You can hold my hand, Tobin," she held her hand out so Tobin could grab it.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tobin continued to stand awkwardly next to Alex.

Alex let her hand fall, "Are you okay?"

Tobin shrugged, "Just thinking a lot."

Alex reached out for Tobin's hand and squeezed it comfortingly, "Need to talk?"

She shrugged again and didn't say anything.

Alex pulled Tobin over to a bench just up the road and sat down. She placed one hand on Tobin's knee and held her chin with the other so she would look at her. "You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

Tobin held Alex's gaze for a moment before breaking away, "Yeah, sure."

Alex sighed and dropped her hand away from Tobin's face. She wrapped her hand around Tobin's comfortingly, "Is it Christen?"

Tobin tensed and Alex noticed immediately, "Doesn't matter."

"What happened?"

Tobin shrugged, "What does it matter?"

"I care about you, Tobin," Alex ran her thumb over the back of Tobin's hand. "It's okay to not be okay."

Tobin felt as if a weight was being lifted from her chest, "Really?"

"Of course."

"What makes you say that?"

"You're human, Tobs. Things aren't just magically okay, you've gotta work through stuff. And talk about things. And that's okay," Alex gave Tobin a reassuring smile.

Tobin nodded as she tried to process what Alex was saying. "Christen texted me."

Alex felt her heart drop a bit, _Maybe Tobin really_ didn't _want today to be a date. I-- fuck, I told her not to rush into anything._ Her head was spinning as she thought far too quickly about the possibility of losing Tobin when she's hardly even had a chance. And losing her to _Christen_ of all people was just rubbing salt in the wound.

Tobin tried to gauge Alex's reaction but couldn't make sense of what she was thinking. "She asked me to meet her," Tobin offered, hoping to get some sort of response from Alex.

Alex just nodded, still not saying anything.

"Alex," Tobin reached out for her forearm.

Alex looked up at her, "Yeah?" _Maybe she's just telling me this to prove she's really over Christen. Maybe she's just complaining about the ridiculousness of it. Maybe--_

"I think I'm gonna talk to her," Tobin admitted, pulling her hand away.

Alex froze and felt kind of like her heart was going to break. _Or not. Was Tobin just using me? Using me until she could get Christen back?_

"Is that okay?" Tobin looked at Alex who was avoiding eye contact.

_Sure. It isn't like we went on a date today and you guys are broken up or anything. Except it's exactly like that._

"Alex?"

"What, Tobin?" Alex asked harshly, standing up from the bench. "I'm just-- I'm gonna go home. You," she paused as she searched for the words. "You just have fun with Christen.

"Wait, Lex," Tobin reached out, but Alex already walking in the other direction with no intention of turning back.

 

\------------

 

Alex slammed the door to her room shut quite a bit louder than she probably should have.

"What the fuck?" Sydney asked from where she was pretending to study at the desk.

"People are stupid," Alex walked over and flopped onto the bed.

"Boy trouble?" Sydney rolled her chair over to Alex's side so they could talk.

"Something like that," Alex mumbled into the pillow sitting up. "You know Tobin?"

"The only Tobin I know is on our soccer team, who are you talking about?"

"That's the one."

"I thought she was with Christen?"

Alex nodded and wondered if maybe she shouldn't be talking about this with Sydney.

"Oh wait," Sydney paused with an awestruck face as she remembered what she could from her drunken state Friday night. "Didn't they get in a huge fight? Did they break up?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so," Alex was comforted by the fact that Sydney - and anyone else who was at that party who could hold their alcohol as well as her - already knew about their fight. "Well, Tobin and I have been hanging out, a lot."

"Is that where you've been all weekend? Is that the mystery person?" Sydney looked increasingly less confused as she pieced everything together.

"Yeah, it is--"

"So that's where that unc shirt came from! I knew I recognized it, but I didn't think it was yours," Sydney laughed at herself. "That's where I've seen it before though, Tobin wearing it." Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she nearly yelled, "Are you sleeping with Tobin?"

"What? No, God-- No, Syd will you shut up for two seconds?"

"Okay, but can I say one more thing?"

Alex sighed in defeat, "Sure."

"I knew you weren't straight," Sydney giggled as Alex grew an annoyed expression.

"What do you mean?"

"I just knew. On like, the second day we were here? I changed in front of you and you nearly halted our conversation," Sydney laughed at the memory. "When I turned around your nose was buried in a book and your face as red as a tomato."

"I was being _polite_ ," Alex narrowed her eyes as she shifted on the bed in slight embarrassment. "It's not cool to objectify women."

Sydney laughed, "Alex I know you wouldn't objectify me, but I also know I'm hot. Also, how many years have you played soccer? Not like it's anything you haven't seen before.

"It's different in the locker room! Whatever, can we go back to what I was saying?"

"Sure," Sydney relaxed back in her chair. This was way better than the history notes she was pretending to do.

"Okay, so Tobin and I have been hanging out--"

"Not having sex--"

"Shut _up_ , Syd! No, not having sex. We have been hanging out and we spent yesterday and all of today together and today we kind of, well, I think it was a date?"

"A date?"

"I think so."

"So she and Christen did break up?"

"I think so?"

"What does that mean, Alex?"

"I'm not sure!" She dropped her head in her hands and then looked back up at Sydney. "Saturday we spent the whole day together with her friends for Ashlyn's birthday. Then that night, I woke up and she was crying, so I comforted her. I think it had something to do with Christen, but I'm not totally sure. Then today, we spent the day together and she seemed pretty happy. We were at the movies and she asked if we were on a date, I told her we didn't have to be, then later at the park she said she wanted it to be--"

"Aw, that's so cute!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not done."

Sydney quirked an eyebrow, "Wait, are you guys dating now?"

"That's why I said I'm not done," Alex bit her lip before continuing. "We were out on their balcony and she got distant and checked her phone and I asked about it and she just brushed it off." Alex thought for a second then decided to definitely skip any part about Ashlyn and Ali's difficulties. "Then when I left she walked me home--"

"That's so sweet!"

"Still not done, Syd. So we were walking home and she still seemed kinda distant, so I asked her about it. We talked a little, and then she--" Alex cut herself off and dropped her eyes to the ground.

"What? What did she do?"

"She said Christen texted her. And that she was going to meet with her."

"Oh," Sydney squeezed Alex's shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"It's, I mean, it's fine." Alex looked up at Sydney, "Just kinda sucks, y'know?"

"Do you think she'll get back with Christen?"

Alex shrugged, "I hope not."

"When's she meeting with Christen?"

"Tonight, I think."

"Text her in the morning, invite her for lunch. Talk to her. Don't let her go so soon, Alex."

"Thanks, Syd."

 

\------------

 

Tobin took the long way home, taking a few turns she shouldn't have and almost getting lost as the sun started to set.

She felt bad, really bad, and tried to convince herself she didn't know why. But in reality, she looked like kind of a dick in this. Okay, a total dick.

She finally got to what she would've considered one of her favorite places in the world nearly 48 hours ago. "Why do I love you like this?" Tobin cursed herself as she pulled out her phone to text Christen.

**Toby :p : i'm at our spot, meet me?**

**Pressy <3 : be there in five**

Tobin sighed, _Am I really doing this? Why, why do I want to do this? Talk to you? What is there even to talk about?_

She decided to text Alex in an attempt at an apology. She'd have to make it up to her later.

Tobin sat on a bench looking at her phone with Alex's name pulled up and an empty text box until Christen arrived.

"Tobin," Christen offered a genuine smile as she walked up and Tobin felt like she might just melt.

"Hey," was all she could manage to say.

"How are you?"

Tobin contemplated the question. _How am I? Well at about one today I was happy, now? I think confused is a pretty good word._ "I'm fine," she shrugged and redirected the question towards Christen. "How have you been?"

Christen didn't think nearly as long to answer, it was almost as if she was running off of a script and this was just some cliché break-up-make-up scene. "I've missed you, Tobin," she sat down a bit closer than was entirely necessary.

Tobin's throat went dry and she felt like she was forgetting to breathe. Her heart was racing, but she couldn't quite place why; fear, excitement, love? Whatever it was, Tobin felt bad for feeling it. And worse for still not having said anything to Alex.

Christen seemed to be a bit annoyed at how distracted Tobin was. She pressed closer - if that was even possible - and whispered into Tobin's ear, "Did you miss me too?"

Tobin nodded and mustered the courage to say something, "Yeah, yeah I did."

"How much did you miss me?"

Tobin pulled away, "Look, Christen--"

"I'm sorry," she backed away and placed a hand on Tobin's thigh. "Please don't leave?"

Tobin hesitated for a moment and then relaxed into Christen's touch like she used to. It felt crazy - insane, even - to be returning to her old habits again. Even if they had only technically broken up less than twenty-four hours ago, this was the most comfortable she'd felt with Christen in nearly a month and a half. She couldn't decide whether she liked it or not.

"I'm really sorry for everything I did, everything I said," Christen dropped her eyes to the ground and then looked back up into Tobin's eyes. "Can we, maybe, start over?"

Tobin knit her eyebrows together. _Really? After all that's happened, she wants to get back together?_ "Chris, I don't--"

"Just friends, Tobin," she reached down to grab her hand in a way that was all-too familiar. "Let's just start over as friends. I leave in about a month and a half, I don't want to go on bad terms with you."

Tobin thought it over for a second, _Just friends, I can do that._ "Okay," she tried not to think about how different the way Christen held her hand was than when Alex did it. Or how much she liked Alex's better.

"You have class at nine, right? Let me take you out for coffee, I'll walk you to your class after."

Tobin hesitated for a second as they both rose off the bench, _What's the harm?_ "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I'll meet you at your place around 7:30, okay?" Christen pressed a kiss to Tobin's cheek as she nodded.

"Perfect," Tobin leaned in and gave Christen a hug.

They parted ways and Tobin tried to decide whether she liked Christen's or Alex's hugs better. She cursed herself for comparing the two.

 

\------------

 

After nearly an hour of laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, Tobin began to wonder if she would ever fall asleep. She eventually decided to text Alex in an attempt to absolve herself of some guilt.

**Toby :) : can i take you out for lunch tomorrow?**

\------------

 

Ashlyn's phone began to buzz from her bedside table and she groaned at the thought of classes. She reached her hand out to the other side of the bed and was hit with the cold realization of what had happened hardly twelve hours ago.

 _Oh._ She reached up to shut off her phone and was met with a dull ache reverberating up her arm as she tried to tap where it said snooze. _Fuck,_ she winced at the pain in her arm as memories from the day before continued to rush in. She remembered punching a tree. She remembered walking home and punching several more things along the way; trees, poles, a fence or two even. She remembered everyone getting to the apartment, she remembered talking to Ali, joking with Ali, fighting with-- _Oh, yeah. Ali._

"Fuck," she said out loud this time. Ashlyn trudged out of bed and began to pull on an outfit she remembered setting out before falling asleep. Sweatpants and a soccer shirt from her time at a youth camp a few years back. She walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face before starting on new bandages for her hand.

Ashlyn left the room, backpack hanging over one shoulder, socks half pulled onto her feet, an unzipped sweatshirt, and a SnapBack haphazardly tossed over her messy hair. She yawned and let her bag fall to the ground next to the chair.

"Hope and Kelley left a few hours ago," Tobin offered, chewing on a piece of toast. "We have waffles in the freezer if you want."

Ashlyn nodded and turned to the fridge, pulling out a package and taking two to stick in the toaster, "Thanks, Tobs."

Tobin nodded after a long drink from her travel mug, "Coffee's made, too." She looked down at her phone.

**Pressy <3 : be there in 20 min**

Ashlyn paced through kitchen, busying herself with coffee and absentmindedly cleaning until a ding went off, signaling her waffles were done. "How long have you been up?"

"Never slept."

"Why not, you okay?"

Tobin laughed, _No, but out of the two of us, I should be asking you that._ "Eh," she shrugged as Ashlyn joined her at the table.

"Talk to me, Tobs."

"Hypocrite."

Ashlyn laughed at that and she felt a glimpse of happiness, "You're not wrong."

"So you and Ali are," Tobin trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Done? Yeah, I guess."

"You're not giving up, right?"

Ashlyn let her eyes fall to the food she'd been picking at, "Not exactly, no."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to live without A--" she choked on the name.

Tobin nodded understandingly and tapped out a text on her phone.

**Toby :p : can't wait**

"Alex?"

Tobin clicked her phone off and set it facedown on the table. "No," she admitted.

Ashlyn raised an eyebrow, "Christen?"

It was Tobin's turn to avoid eye contact.

"You're kidding, right?"

Tobin pushed the crust from her toast around her plate and refused to look up.

"Spill, right now. What happened Saturday night?"

"We broke up."

"What happened yesterday?"

"Alex and I went on a date."

"What happened between that date and right now?"

"I met up with Christen."

Ashlyn made a face that translated nothing but disappointment, "Why?"

"She wanted to."

 _You're still wrapped around her fucking finger,_  "What did she text you for?"

"We're going out for coffee," Tobin picked up her plate and her phone and walked over to the sink. "She'll be here soon."

Ashlyn sighed and realized it was a lost cause, "Do me one favor? Take Alex out today."

Tobin smiled, "Already invited her to lunch."

Ashlyn stood up to join her friend in the kitchen and wash the syrup off of her plate, "I've gotta go soon, I'm gonna work ahead on a few things for my history lecture. Love you, Tobs."

Tobin's heart fell as she realized that Ashlyn's history class was with Ali, "Be careful, dude."

Ashlyn cracked a smile and clenched her fist around the new bandaging, "Always."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Royals won American League!!! Also, should I write the Hope/Kelley goodbye scene?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope and Kelley say goodbye (or see ya later), Tobin and Christen go out for coffee (Alex sees), and Ashlyn tries to avoid Ali (Kling's not happy)

"Don't go," Kelley leaned into Hope's chest and tightened her grip on the luggage.

"I have to, Kell," she rubbed her hand along Kelley's back and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'll be back before you know it."

"That's a lie," she groaned and moved her hand from the handle of Hope's suitcase to Hope's hand. "When can you come back?"

Hope glanced to her watch as if the three hands spinning around the face could show her a calendar, "I dunno. When's your next game?"

"Friday, but you have a game in Seattle on Friday. Then recovery Saturday. Then Sunday's an off-day," she started to tick off her fingers as she added day after day to the list. "Followed by five more practice days," she dropped her hand and sighed.

"Then playoffs," Hope reminded her meekly.

Kelley's face broke out into a smile, "You're right!"

Hope raised an eyebrow, surprised at Kelley's change in behavior, but melted as Kelley kissed her cheek.

"Did I mention how proud I am of you for making playoffs?"

Hope leaned down as Kelley dropped back down to being flat-footed and kissed her forehead, "No, I don't think so, but thank you."

"You're the best, you know that?" Kelley leaned into Hope's chest and balled her fists into a jacket in a pathetic attempt to keep her there.

"Oh trust me, Tobin's new friend fed my ego plenty this week," she joked.

Kelley nodded with a small smile, still not releasing Hope's sweatshirt that was actually hers, now that she thought about it. "What do you think of Alex?"

"She seems nice, pretty smart. She looks good on the field too," Hope nodded as she thought about the question. "Why do you ask?"

Kelley shrugged, "Just curious."

"What do you think of Alex?" Hope started to glance at her watch but then glanced at the wall instead in hopes of not having to release Kelley.

"She seems pretty cool, she's nicer than Christen. I think she fits better with Tobin," Kelley yawned and leaned into Hope's chest. "I don't know what to do," she mumbled.

"What to do about what?" Hope pulled one of her hands up to brush some hair away from Kelley's eyes.

"Ash and Ali, Tobin and Christen and Alex, soccer, schoolwork, anything?" She sighed as she buried her face further into the jacket. "How long until you leave?"

"Too soon," Hope sighed and began to pull away from Kelley, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Kelley nodded in agreement as she let go of Hope's jacket. She reached out instead for Hope's hand, "I'm really gonna miss you."

"I know, I'll miss you too. I won't be gone forever, y'know?"

"Yeah," Kelley nodded and tightened her grip on Hope's hand. "Let me know when you land?"

"Of course," Hope pulled her forward for another kiss as a last call for baggage check rang out. "That's my cue, I have to go."

Kelley nodded and let go of her hand," Yeah, okay. Find out when you can come back, alright?"

"Will do, are you going to the playoffs?" Hope started to walk away with her suitcase rolling along.

Kelley jogged forward to give Hope one more crashing kiss, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. DC, right?"

"Right," Hope smiled as she stepped behind one of the ropes and handed her baggage and boarding pass over. "I love you, Kell," she called out as if it was a reminder.

"I love you too," Kelley blew a kiss to Hope and giggled as Hope blushed slightly when the woman tying a label to her bag laughed at them.

"I'll call you when I land," Hope crossed over to Security after flashing one last smile to Kelley.

"You better!" Kelley smiled back just as Hope disappeared behind a wall to the faint whirring sound of the metal detectors.

She left the airport and went to her car, mentally preparing herself for the drive home alone. For going home alone. For going home _without Hope._

She cried at the steering wheel before even starting the car.

\------------

"It's nice, this is nice," Christen started to reach her hand across the table but let it fall before reaching Tobin. "I'm sorry."

Tobin gave a thin-lipped smile and a small nod, "It's cool Chris, don't worry about it." She looked down at her phone and realized she still hadn't gotten a text from Alex. "It's fine."

"What's wrong?" Christen reached over again but brushed Tobin's hand this time. "Need to talk about it?"

Tobin pulled her hand away and lifted her coffee with it, "No, it's fine."

"We can still be _friends_ , Tobin," she scoffed and dropped her hands into her lap.

"No, I know, I just-- I'm sorry," Tobin let her head fall and rubbed her eyes. _Nothing was supposed to happen like this._

Christen nodded and began to feel bad, "I'm sorry for being such a dick."

Tobin's eyes shot up, "What?"

"I'm sorry for not treating you right, being a bad girlfriend. I'm sorry," she let her gaze fall to her coffee. "Stress got to me, pressure got to me. I couldn't take it; classes, my transfer paperwork, soccer. I couldn't do it all."

"It's okay, Christen."

"No, it really isn't," she looked up and noticed the sadness in Tobin's eyes and couldn't help but feel responsible. "I let the stress get to me and I started looking for a release. I found it in alcohol and parties. Strangers that would make out with me, it all seemed like a good idea in the moment."

Tobin flinched at the reminder of Christen's recklessness. She grew cold and clenched her fist, "Yeah."

"I should've ended us, I should've let you go, but--" she sighed. "It felt like you were the only one who really cared to try and fix me. You were always there the next morning, you helped me live through it all."

Tobin nodded and visibly relaxed, "Yeah, I guess so." She checked her watch, "My class starts soon, I should get going."

"Let me walk you?"

Tobin smiled as she stood up from the table, "Yeah, sure."

They walked for a while until Tobin broke the comfortable silence that had settled over them. "Why'd you ask me here?"

I can't-- I can't leave on bad terms with you."

"You're not leaving yet."

"I leave in," she clicked her phone on to double check the date. "About forty days."

"Wow," Tobin exhaled and took a drink of her coffee. "That's soon."

"Yeah, it is." She reached out for Tobin's hand and pulled her to a stop. She placed her hands on Tobin's shoulders, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Keeping me grounded. These past few months have been," she smiled as memories came pouring in. "Magical. Thank you for keeping me alive while I went through this."

Tobin smiled and relaxed into Christen's touch, "I'm really gonna miss you, Chris."

"I still care about you," she admitted. Tobin's eyes widened and Christen shook her head, "Not in an _I want you back_ way, just a _you're my friend and I care about you_ way." They resumed their walk with a laugh.

Several more minutes of comfortable silence passed before they'd reach the building with Tobin's class in it.

Tobin looked up at her before pulling her into a hug,"I love you, Chris."

"I love you too, Toby," she rested her forehead against Tobin's and relished in the warmth behind Tobin's words.

"Don't be a stranger when you go to California," Tobin joked. Sometime between leaving the house that morning and now, she formed a new connection with Christen. It felt similar to the bond they had before they dated and Tobin loved it. She had forgotten how much she loved Christen's friendship. "I mean it, we're good."

Christen raised an eyebrow and then pulled Tobin into another hug, tighter and with a lot more emotion surrounding it this time. If anyone were to forgive for how much of a dick she'd been, it was Tobin. "I'm so sorry for everything I did, thank you for being the best friend I needed." She pressed a kiss to Tobin's forehead before walking away and from the wrong angle it could've looked the two had actually kissed.

\------------

Alex was from the wrong angle. And she was pissed, to say the least.

She had been scoping the campus surrounding their building, looking for Tobin when she finally spotted her. With Christen.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._

She glanced at the coffee she'd picked up for the two of them to surprise Tobin with and felt her heart grow heavy. _This was a mistake, this was all-- a lie. This was a lie and Tobin was just stringing me along until things fell back together again for her. Tobin doesn't care about me._

She trashed the coffee and entered the building in an attempt to find her class before the tears forming had a chance to be seen.

\------------

"Come on Kling, you're kidding, right?"

"You can go to history by yourself, Ash."

"You have that class too! Just sit next to me," Ashlyn ran her hand through her hair as she looked at her watch and realized she only had fifteen minutes to get to class. "Please? Just, for now."

"What does _for now_ mean? What happened?"

"Ali and I," she bit her lip and looked to the ground. If it wasn't for fast-approaching midterms she wouldn't have even bothered to get out of bed today.

"Are adorable idiots?" Meghan let out a loose laugh.

"Shut up," Ashlyn glared at her and glanced into the general direction of her building. "Just, can I sit next to you?"

"Sure, Ash, whatever," she let out a mock sigh. "Not like I'd be missing out on hanging with anyone important or anything."

"You can eye-fuck Bartok later, dude, this is important."

\------------

Towards the end of her lecture, Tobin decided to try texting Alex again.

**Toby :) : lunch?**

\------------

Alex picked up her phone, _Why would you want to go to lunch with me when you have Christen to drool over?_

**Lex :) : did you meet with christen?**

**Toby :) : yeah?**

**Lex :) : oh**

Alex set her phone down on the table. She knew that they'd met, she'd seen them for Christ's sake, but it felt different coming from Tobin herself.

**Toby :) : you okay?**

**Lex :) : fine.**

**Toby :) : ok... idk what i did but can i take you to lunch?**

**Lex :) : what about christen?**

**Toby :) : what about her?**

Alex felt frustrated, but it didn't surprise her that if she was having a conversation this back and forth about something so obvious it was with Tobin.

**Lex :) : nothing**

**Lex :) : meet me outside the building for lunch?**

**Toby :) : yeah, sure**

**Toby :) : have fun w calculus**

Alex nearly laughed at the thought of attempting to enjoy herself in the class and decided she should really pay attention to what her teacher was saying. "I need a tutor," she muttered as she scribbled down something about derivatives.

\------------

"Hey, Lex," Tobin jogged to catch up to Alex who was pacing around a bench.

"Hey," Alex turned and offered a weak smile.

They walked to their next class for a few moments before Tobin started talking again, "You alright?"

"Fine."

"What happened?" Tobin shifted the notebooks in her arms so she could let her hand fall next to Alex's.

Alex slipped her hand into her pocket, "Nothing."

Tobin bit her lip and brushed her hand through her hair, feeling rejected. "Oh, okay." She trailed a tad behind Alex until they almost reached the building when she spoke again. "What did I do?"

Alex sighed, _Seriously?_ "You know what you did."

"I really don't, Lex," _Can I get anything right?_ Tobin stopped walking and looked at the ground.

"Tobin," she turned and placed her hand on Tobin's arm. "I'm sorry?"

"For what? You didn't do anything," Tobin shook her head as she looked up to meet Alex's eyes.

"I'm overreacting, probably."

"To what?"

"I saw you," Alex made eye contact and began to feel guilty as Tobin connected the dots.

 _Christen. I really can't get anything right, can I?_ "I'm sorry, Lex, she just wanted to meet for coffee."

"And kiss you," Alex snapped.

"What? She kissed my forehead before she left, that's all."

Alex was infuriated. "I saw you, Tobin. I saw it happen, don't lie."

"I'm not lying! I wouldn't lie to you, nothing happened," Tobin reached her hand out for Alex's. "Nothing happened with Christen, she said she felt bad for how she treated me--"

"She should."

"And she leaves soon and didn't wanna go on bad terms. Really Lex, that's all."

"Promise?" Alex let her guard down, she wanted to believe Tobin, she really did.

"I promise," Tobin squeezed Alex's hand and leaned in for a hug.

"Okay," Alex hugged Tobin back, feeling stupid for her mistrust. "We should get to class."

"You're right," Tobin nodded.  _Are we okay?_

"Meet me here for lunch after class?"

Tobin smiled, _I guess so_. "I'd love to," she hugged her again before they parted ways for class.

\------------

Hope powered her phone on as soon as she was safely on ground again and was met with a flurry of texts from her girlfriend.

**KOtheBAEo : have you landed yet?**

**KOtheBAEo : did your flight make it?**

**KOtheBAEo : i forgot what time you were supposed to land**

**KOtheBAEo : it's almost 10 are you okay?**

**KOtheBAEo : when does your flight land again?**

**KOtheBAEo : oh right you can't answer me**

**KOtheBAEo : well lmk when you land**

**KOtheBAEo : i miss you btw**

**KOtheBAEo : and i love you**

**KOtheBAEo : btw**

**KOtheBAEo : it feels good to say that**

**KOtheBAEo : i love you**

**KOtheBAEo : i should be paying attention**

**KOtheBAEo : my professor just glared at me**

**KOtheBAEo : ok i have to go but text me when you land and lmk you're safe**

**KOtheBAEo : i love you**

Hope laughed to herself as she scrolled through message after message.

**Hope <3 : did you change your name in my phone?**

**KOtheBAEo : well, yeah**

**KOtheBAEo : it was boring**

**Hope <3 : when did you even have my phone?**

**KOtheBAEo : i have my ways ;)**

**KOtheBAEo : also for the record having my name in your phone as "Kelley" is totally lame**

**KOtheBAEo : don't change my name back**

**Hope <3 : i won't**

**Hope <3 : i landed safely, and i love you too**

**KOtheBAEo : who's picking you up at the airport?**

Hope looked around until she spotted Carli waiting outside for her.

**Hope <3 : carli i think, i have to go get my bag and stuff. i'll call you tonight? love you**

**KOtheBAEo : okay, i should pay attention in class anyway. i love you too**

Hope slid her phone into her pocket and walked over to pick up her duffel bag. By the time it came around, Carli had noticed her through the clear wall and was tapping her foot impatiently.

"How'd you get stuck with picking me up?" Hope joked as she walked up to her.

"I offered," Carli held her hand out for Hope's things.

"I've got it, she shifted her weight so the duffel bag was more secure on her shoulder.

"Give me your stuff, Hope," she held her hand out again and flashed a look that was basically the entire reason she wasn't allowed to help coach at the camps their club held for the little kids.

Hope thought for a moment but eventually just shrugged her bag off and held it out to Carli, "Thanks, so where's your car?"

"Don't mention it," she gestured off to the left as she led the way with Hope following quickly behind.

\------------

"Thanks for waiting," Alex smiled as she walked up to meet Tobin. "I was talking to Syd for a minute."

"Syd? Soccer Syd?"

"Yeah, that one," Alex let out a small laugh. "She's my roommate too."

"Oh, cool!" Tobin nodded and looked around at the nearly empty campus surrounding them. _What were you possibly talking about for fifteen minutes?_

"Ready to go?"

"Hmm?" Tobin pulled herself out of her thoughts. "Yeah, sure."

They walked in silence for a few minutes until Alex purposely brushed her hand against Tobin's.

"Look, I'm really sorry Lex," Tobin started pulling away.

"What? We don't, I mean if you aren't comfortable with--" she gestured to Tobin's hand.

"No, no," Tobin laughed to herself. "I would love to walk across campus holding your hand, I just-- I feel bad."

"For what?"

"This whole Christen mess," Tobin sighed and started to rub at her temples. "She wasn't-- she wasn't what I wanted, what I needed." _I sound like an idiot right now_. "You were here for me this weekend, and you're funny and sweet and _so_ kind. You're great, really."

"I'm confused, what are you saying Tobin?"

"I want you, Alex," she looked up to meet Alex's gaze before speaking again. "You, I'm saying I want you. Christen's cool and she was a great friend but we-- we'll never be more than friends again. She wasn't what I wanted, and besides, she's leaving soon anyway."

A smile broke across Alex's face unwillingly.  "You want me," she repeated.

"Yes," Tobin confirmed, worried about Alex's reaction.

Alex leaned forward and pulled Tobin into a crippling hug, "I want you too Tobin."

"Really?" Tobin let herself enjoy the warm familiarity of the hug and kept herself from comparing it to anything else. This was her and Alex. It was new. It was good. It was nice. It was _her and Alex._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley avoids Hope (and Hope notices), Ashlyn hides from Ali (Ali's pissed - or sad, she's not really sure), and Tobin and Alex have a tough conversation (that could end either very well or very badly).

**Kling : you're a child.**

**Ash : i know**

Ashlyn set her phone down loudly, causing Whitney to look over at her, "What now?"

"I can't believe this happened, that it's _happening_ ," Ashlyn sighed. "What did I do?"

Whitney's face softened, wishing she could help her friend. "It's not all your fault, Ash. Talk to her."

"What if she doesn't even want to talk to me?"

"You both need a little space, but after that, you should talk to her."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Ashlyn rolled her eyes and starting drumming her fingers along the apple she brought for lunch.

"Too bad you and I don't have history together," Whitney shrugged. "Then you wouldn't have to bribe Kling to separate yourself from Ali."

"History won't be too bad, it's practice I'm worried about," Ashlyn clicked on her phone to find a new message from Heather, of all people.

**HAO : what's going on with you and ali**

Tossing her phone back down, Ashlyn laughed and looked up at Whitney. "You're kidding me. You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

"What?" Whitney reached over and picked up Ashlyn's phone to read the message. "Wait, seriously? Has Ali not said anything?"

"I don't know? Let me ask." She took the phone back from Whitney and typed out a reply.

**Ash : shouldn't you know?**

She got a response almost immediately, quickly followed by a phone call.

**HAO : so something did happen?**

Ashlyn quickly read the message before the call flashed onto her screen. "Yes?" She answered, trying to hide any annoyance in her voice.

"Hey, Ash? What happened?"

"Didn't Ali talk to you?"

"She wouldn't talk," Heather sighed into the phone. "Is she okay?"

"She broke my fucking heart," Ashlyn flicked her eyes up to look at Whitney from across the table and willed herself to stay strong.

"What--"

"What did she tell you?"

"She called me last night, sobbing, and I picked her up at your apartment and she wouldn't say anything."

"You," Ashlyn looked over at Whitney who was trying to keep up with only half of the conversation. She locked her jaw and tried to sound unaffected, _She was crying. She was crying, and she didn't come to me for comfort. She was crying and she-- she left._  "You picked her up from my place? She didn't have to-- she could've--" Ashlyn let her arm fall and Whitney took the phone.

"Ash has to go," Whitney reached her hand out to her friend in an attempt to comfort her.

"Wait, Whit, let me talk to Ash," Heather said through the phone loudly enough for Ashlyn to hear. "Or do you know what happened?"

"Bye, HAO," she ended the call and switched the phone to silent before setting it on the table.

"Do I have to go to class?" Ashlyn poked her fork through the empty styrofoam cup sitting on the table.

"You have to not fail, so, yeah," Whitney stood up and walked around the table to meet her friend. "I'll walk you, come on."

 

\------------

 

**Hope : how are you doing Tobs?**

Tobin looked up from her phone and smiled at Alex from across the table.

**Tobs : pretty well :)**

**Hope : need me to talk to Christen?**

**Tobs : i'm not a child, y'know**

**Tobs : i can fight my own battles**

Alex leaned across the table and rested her hand on Tobin's, "You alright?"

Setting down her phone, Tobin met Alex's eyes. She let out a small sigh and dropped her phone to the table, "I'm fine."

"That's a lie," Alex squeezed Tobin's hand reassuringly. "What's wrong?"

"Hope's asking about Christen," she admitted. Tobin let go of Alex's hand and poked at her fries, "I'm tired of everyone on my back about it. I'm handling this, y'know?"

Alex nodded guiltily as she pulled her hand back, "I'm sorry Tobs. And I'm sorry I've been one of those people."

"No, Alex," Tobin reached her hand forward for Alex's again. "You're great, I should've been honest with you and I shouldn't have met with Christen if you weren't okay with it. You've been wonderful, really, thank you for being the one person to stick through with me this weekend."

"Of course," Alex smiled and let out a laugh as she released Tobin's hand to take one of her fries. "Hurry up! We have to get to class."

"Hey! Not cool, Lex," Tobin laughed with her as she looked at her watch and nodded in agreement. "Let's go, I'll walk you to class?" She stood up from the table and dumped both of their trash in a nearby bin.

Alex took Tobin's hand and intertwined their fingers, "I would love for you to."

 

\------------

 

"You owe me, big time," Meghan reminded as she met Whitney and Ashlyn by the doors to the building.

"I know, dude. I know," Ashlyn sighed as she nodded to Whitney who rushed off to her next class.

"I have a list of requests," she announced.

"Of course you do. Can't I just throw a small party and invite you and Bartok over sometime?"

Meghan paused as she pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket, "I'm listening."

"We can play spin the bottle, I have a magnet that makes the tip point to you. Whenever it's her turn, just hold the magnet," Ashlyn offered with a shrug.

Meghan nodded as she considered the option, "And three favors."

"Huh?"

"Three favors that I get to enact at any point in time," she held up the piece of paper with her requests in a position to rip through it

"Two favors, and they expire before Christmas."

Meghan ripped the paper, "Deal." They shook hands as they headed to the building.

"So what's up with you and Krieger?"

Ashlyn sighed, she didn't want to get into this. "Well, as you probably knew, we were dating--"

"Not just knew, _know_. I still know," Meghan corrected jokingly.

"Yeah, but we aren't still dating," Ashlyn cut Meghan off as her expression grew cold. "Ali broke up with me."

"Shit," Meghan covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm so sorry, man."

"It's fine, it's-- whatever, let's just drop it, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Meghan nodded as they sat down, Ashlyn in her regular seat and Meghan in Ali's normal seat.

 

\------------

 

Ali was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. If it wasn't for the fact that she shared her first two classes with either Amy or Heather, she would never have left Heather's bed.

"Alright, well, I guess call me if you need me," Heather squeezed Ali's arm as they stood outside of her building. "You're talking to Ash, right?"

"Yeah, I mean, we have to sit next to each other," Ali let out a shaky breath. "I'm sure I'll be fine. Thank you, for everything."

"No problem Kriegs, anytime," she patted Ali's arm one last time before walking off.

Ali took a deep breath, "I can do this," she whispered to herself.

 

\------------

 

Meghan tore off another corner of the paper she was supposed to have prepared for their lecture and folded it to launch at Ashlyn. "Bullseye!" She called out as one of them shot straight into the middle of her forehead.

"Kling, if you don't stop, I'm going to hit you so hard you'll never fold another piece of paper again," Ashlyn threatened as she attempted to clench her injured hand into a fist.

"How do you plan on doing that with a broken hand?" Meghan teased back, poking one of the fingers and causing Ashlyn to wince in pain.

"It isn't _broken_ , I'll be fine by Friday," Ashlyn looked past Meghan and quickly darted her gaze away when she saw Ali.

Meghan quirked an eyebrow as she turned to see what Ashlyn had been looking at as Ali stepped into the room. They made eye contact and Meghan wondered if she was responsible for the heartbreak clouding Ali's eyes. "Are you sure you don't wanna sit next to Kriegs?" She asked Ashlyn warily.

"Positive," Ashlyn choked out as she watched Ali weave around the room to find an open seat.

"So, uh, let's talk about this party?" Meghan offered, trying to change the subject.

Ashlyn bit, "Sure. Friday after the win?"

"Jinxing us?"

"I only speak the truth, Kling."

 

\------------

 

"I'm heading to the library, care to join?" Tobin offered as she met Alex outside of their building.

"Sounds perfect," Alex took Tobin's hand and leaned over to kiss her cheek. _Too far?_ She asked herself, but Tobin broke into a giddy smile before Alex had time to worry about it.

 

\------------

 

**Tobs : what are you doing about practice tonight?**

**Ash : if you tell the coaches about my hand i'll end you**

 

\------------

 

"What do you mean she refused to talk to you?"

"I mean, she had Kling sit next to her and left class immediately after the professor finished lecturing," Ali sighed loudly and slumped into Heather and Amy's couch.

"Have you tried calling her or something?" Heather looked at the clock sitting by the tv and hoped Amy would get off work early so they could handle Ali together.

"No, what would I even say?"

"Oh, I dunno, _Hey Ash! I'm sorry for being a dumbass and telling you I don't love you anymore. Or that I'm not ready to be out. In reality, you're the love of my life and I'm already out to my family, I just didn't tell you because I hadn't told them about you yet. I wanted to wait until this Thanksgiving and bring you home to them! When you got all upset the other day, I went back to my apartment and drank because I don't know to deal with my problems like a responsible adult, the alcohol made my mind all fuzzy and I got defensive and tried to turn everything into being your fault, even though it really wasn't. Sorry again!_ " Heather mocked.

"Wait, that was really good, can you repeat that?" Ali picked up a notebook and pen from the coffee table.

"Oh you've _got to be_ kidding me."

 

\------------

 

"We should get going, you need to run by your apartment before practice."

"No? All my stuff's in my locker," Tobin clicked her laptop shut and slid it in her bag anyway. "Do you need to grab anything?"

"No, but you do," Alex reminded as she closed one of her many binders spread out over the table. "I took your shirt Saturday, remember?"

"Oh man, yeah, I remember," Tobin scanned the library as she hooked her backpack over her one shoulder. "Wanna walk me to my apartment?"

Alex stepped forward, backpack over one hand and sloppily stuffed binder in the other, "Of course I do."

 

\------------

 

**Hope Yolo : i need updates on you and Kriegs**

**Ashlyn : i had Kling sit w me in history so i wouldn't have to sit next to her. am i pathetic?**

**Hope Yolo : nah, just an idiot**

**Hope Yolo : are you gonna talk to her at practice?**

**Ashlyn : maybe**

 

\------------

 

**Missed Call: Hope <3, 3:07pm**

**Missed Call: Tobs, 4:03pm**

**Missed Call: Hope <3, 4:16pm**

**Missed Call: Hope <3, 5:32pm**

**Hope <3 : you okay babe?**

 

\------------

 

Kelley turned on her phone as she laced up her cleats before practice, _Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea._

"Hey Kelley, thanks for talking to me," Ali clapped her on the shoulder and Kelley flinched away.

"Ash can't see me with you," she whispered as Ali looked at her oddly.

"Ashlyn's not that petty," Ali shook her head with a laugh.

"No, but she is that heartbroken," Kelley reminded her. "Just, go work things out with Ash. You can thank me later." She turned back to text Hope but flipped around before Ali got too far. "Oh, and this wasn't my idea. I'm not picking sides."

"Sure, Kell. Thanks again."

**KOtheBAEo : sorry! got caught up with stuff. love you! i'll call you after practice**

 

\------------

 

"Remember ladies!" Their coach barked out over the sounds of the scrimmage they were having. "As soon as one of you wins, practice is over!"

"Come on guys! Whit, left! Take the line! Kling, double back and take center!" Ashlyn called out to her backline. "Good job! Now feed it up-- Wait, look left! Tobin's open!"

After Whitney had successfully captured the ball from Alex, she launched it across the field and it landed neatly in front of Tobin. Tobin ran with it, dribbling through defenders with ease, and served it for Christen in the box. Christen got ready for a shot until she noticed Ali rushing up on her left to defend her; she quickly converted her first touch into a trap and passed it to Brittani (Bartok), back and to the right. Brittani ran up and rocketed it into the box, into the top left corner and far out of any goalkeeper's reach.

"We did it!" Tobin ran and jumped into Christen's arms, smiles on both of their faces. After a moment, the adrenaline died down a bit and Tobin dropped back down with a guilty look on her face.

"Yeah, we did!" Kelley ran over and high-fived both of them before jogging to where Ashlyn and their defense was walking up to meet them.

Meghan jogged up to meet Brittani with a high five as everyone from the winning team laughed and congratulated each other.

Ali started to walk over as Ashlyn and Kelley broke apart from a hug, "Hey, Ash."

Kelley pulled away and jogged over to Tobin and Alex to give them some space.

"Hey," Ashlyn dropped her eyes to the ground and crossed her arms over her chest. "Need something?"

"Talk to me, Ash," Ali pleaded. "I messed up."

Ashlyn laughed bitterly, "Messed up? You _messed up_? You don't get to break up with me and say you _messed up_."

"I did mess up, I was tired and trying to process too much at once. I had been drinking and then when I went to your place, I lost it. I saw your hand and I--"

Ashlyn reached forward to cover Ali's mouth. "Shut the fuck up," she whispered harshly as she looked over to the bench.

Ali pulled Ashlyn's hands away, " _Excuse_ you?"

"I don't want the coaches to know I hurt my hand," Ashlyn dropped her arms to her sides. "But continue, please."

"Well I saw it and drunk me thought it would be smart to try and have a serious conversation, so--"

"So what? You're just gonna blame this on some alcohol? That's cheap, Ali. Step up to your actions. _You_ did this. _You_ broke up with me. _You_ fucked up. Drunk you? Drunk you is still fucking you," Ashlyn turned curtly and walked to the locker rooms without another word.

 

\------------

 

**Ashlyn : we talked.**

**Ashlyn : didn't go very well.**

 

\------------

 

"Good job!" Alex ran and tackled Tobin, jumping on her back.

"Thanks, Lex!" Tobin broke it into a grin as Christen smiled softly before stepping away from their conversation. “Not mad my team totally crushed yours?”

“Oh please,” Alex slid off and dropped to the ground. “We were close and you know it, just admit it.”

“Hmm, I dunno Lex, that last play was pretty killer.”

“Whatever,” Alex let out a mock sigh as she grabbed Tobin’s hand and pulled her to the bench where everyone else was drinking water. “I'll just beat you in a one-on-one later,” she leaned over and kissed Tobin’s cheek which was responded to with a wolf-whistle from Kelley and varying expressions from other teammates who were either joining in on the teasing or looking at Christen, waiting for her to blow up.

Christen just chuckled and decided to head back to the locker room, utilizing her winning-team privileges and getting out of clean-up for the day.

 

\------------

 

“Hey, how'd it go?” Kelley asked as Ali walked over to the team.

“It didn't really,” Ali admitted. “I tried to start an apology but she got mad and left.”

Kelley sighed loudly, _Of course she did._ “Well, come by the apartment tonight and I'll help you out.”

“Really? You will?”

“Yeah, sure.”

 

\------------

 

**Missed Call, Hope Yolo, 6:53pm**

**Missed Call, Hope Yolo, 7:18pm**

 

Ashlyn picked up her phone and redialed Hope’s number while searching for a sweatshirt that didn't smell like Ali. Everything smelled like Ali.

She walked into the living room in nothing but a sports bra and sweatpants when Hope answered the phone.

“Finally! I need details, kid!”

“Hey, remember that deal we made my Freshman year? I beat you in a go kart race at the state fair, and you stop calling me kid.”

“You beat me by like two seconds!”

“I beat you by a mile.”

“The track wasn't even a mile!”

“Whatever, I still won!”

“Fine, fine. Give me the details, _young adult_ ,” Hope said somehow managing to make it sound like an insult. Then again, she could make pretty much anything sound like an insult.

“There aren't really any details, she came up to me after practice, gave some cheap excuse about alcohol, and I left. Didn't feel like sitting through it, y'know?”

“Rampone let you just leave practice? What about cleanup?” Hope laughed through the phone, “I know she's like a mom to everyone, but come on kid, there's no way she just let you leave.”

“Nah, my team won the scrimmage at the end so she let us leave without helping out. Also, would you stop calling me kid? I'm not that much younger than you.”

“But you _are_ younger,” Hope reminded. “So what's the next step?”

“I dunno, I mean, I've gotta talk to her eventually but I don't know what to say. Any tips?”

“I guess just try and ask about what pushed her to, uh, do what she did, y'know?”

“Yeah, I guess you're right. Well thanks Hope, I'll let you go.”

“Alright, _young adult_. I'll catch up with you later-- wait, have you talked to KO lately?”

“Uhh, not really. Trouble in paradise?”

“More like miscommunication in rocky waters, she won't text me back. Last I heard from her was before your practice, where she apologized for not talking to me and being busy after class. She said she'd call me after practice but I haven't heard from her since.”

“That's odd, something happen between you two?”

“Not that I know of?”

“Hmm, I dunno. She's not home but when she gets here I'll tell her to call you.”

“Alright, thanks. I've gotta go, some of the girls and I are going out for dinner and Carli’s giving me the death glare.”

“Talk to you later, Hope.”

“You better, kid,” Hope ended the call before Ashlyn had a chance to complain about the use of the nickname.

 

\------------

 

“You're the best, y'know that?”

“Then why didn't my team win?” Alex sighed and dropped her hands to her knees.

Tobin slid across the grass and slung an arm around Alex’s shoulders, “Just because you're the best doesn't mean you always win, this is a team sport.”

Alex dropped her head to Tobin’s chest and slid to be closer to her, if that was even possible. “But I should've been able to win.”

“You can't carry a team, Lex.”

“I can try.”

“You beat me just now,” Tobin offered.

“I may have won 5-3, but you made me look like a fool at _least_  five times, scored on me three, and you don't even play forward. Doesn't feel like a win in my book,” Alex listed off. She let out a large sigh and pulled away from Tobin.

Tobin pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees, “Sorry.”

“No, I,” Alex sighed again as she stood up. She held a hand out to Tobin and pulled her up into a hug, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't be taking this out on you.”

“No, it's okay Lex, I'm your-- we’re friends.”

Alex nodded as they pulled away from the hug and hooked her pinky with Tobin’s, “Just because you're my-- we’re friends, doesn't mean you have to lie to me.”

“I didn't lie to you, why would I lie?” Tobin repositioned her hand so their ring fingers were intertwined too.

“When you said I'm the best,” Alex started walking away, swinging her arm slightly with Tobin’s and dribbling the ball. “I'm not.”

“Wait, Lex,” Tobin stopped walking and tightened her hold on Alex’s hand to stop her as well. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm-- I'll be fine.”

“You can talk to me, Alex,” Tobin pulled on her arm so they were facing each other. “Are you okay?”

Alex looked up from the ground and was met with a seriousness in Tobin’s eyes, “I'm just, tired.”

“That's a lie. Please, Lex?”

“Can we talk about something?”

“We are?”

“No, something else.”

Tobin sighed and decided that if Alex really didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't make her. “Sure, what's up?”

“Do you like me?”

“Yeah, you're pretty cool.”

Alex stepped forward and gripped Tobin’s forearm, “No, Tobs, do you _like_ me?”

“Oh, uhm,” Tobin was suddenly aware of how dry her throat was. “Yeah, I mean, if that's cool with you, yeah.”

Alex nearly laughed, “Good.”

“Good?” Tobin asked, not sure what to think of Alex’s response.

“Yeah, good, because I like you too,” she admitted.

Tobin broke into a large grin, “Really?”

Alex leaned forward and kissed Tobin's cheek, “Yeah, really.”

“Awesome, well, since you got to ask me something, can I ask you something?”

Alex bit her cheek and hoped it wasn't about what was bothering her, “Anything.”

Tobin took a deep breath and took note of the stars shining around them. It was late, she was extremely tired - Alex probably was, too, now that she thought about it - and if she wasn't careful with her time, the sprinklers might come on while they stood there. But despite all of that, asking this question seemed like a really, really good idea. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think Alex is ready to take the big step and say yes? What do you think Kelley's spending so much time on? (Is she avoiding Hope on purpose? Or is she really busy?) How do you think the next Ali/Ashlyn confrontation will end? (Was Ashlyn justified to leave her at the practice?) Whose side are you on, Ali (and blaming the alcohol) or Ash (and standing by what you say)?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn and Ali finally stay in the same room long enough to talk some things out (thanks to Kelley), Tobin and Alex decide the status of their relationship (Kelley and Ashlyn read them the riot act), and Kelley is lonely (good thing she has the the two best friends in the world, right?)

**KO : meet me downstairs 20min**

**Ali : ok**

**Ali : thanks for this**

**KO : you owe me**

 

\------------

 

Ashlyn flipped through one of her notebooks with a sigh as she pulled a pencil from behind her ear. “I'm never gonna understand this, am I?”

“Don't be too hard on yourself, you'll get it eventually,” Whit’s voice rang through the phone sitting on the table.

“I don't even _want_ to get it,” Ashlyn set down the notebook and picked up a book instead. “What's the point?”

“Not failing, living a life, growing up?”

“I don't want to do _any_ of those things anymore.”

“Ash?”

“What?”

“You okay? With this whole Ali mess I mean, You just don't seem exactly, I dunno, you don't seem like yourself,” Whitney paused for moment and decided to continue when she realized Ashlyn wasn't going to respond. “I'm here for you, you can talk to me.”

“I know I can,” Ashlyn picked the phone up and turned speaker off, raising it to her ear. “I'm just, I don't know what to do.”

“Well you could talk to her,” Whitney pointed out.

“How do I do that?” Ashlyn stood up from the couch and walked towards the kitchen.

“Call her?”

“I'm on the phone with you.”

“Dammit Ashlyn, you know what I mean.”

Ashlyn sighed. “Yeah, I do,” she agreed as she opened the fridge. She pulled out a water bottle and opened it before finishing her thought. “I walked away from her at practice. She wanted to talk and I just, sorta, left.”

“Yeah, I was there,” Whitney stifled a laugh. “I followed you into the locker room afterwards.”

“ _Now_ who's being a dick?” Ashlyn asked, picking up an apple from the counter and inspecting it.

“I didn't call you a dick!”

“You implied it,” Ashlyn answered as she set the apple back down. She couldn't seem to stay still. “Besides, we both know you wanted to say it.”

“Ugh, you're impossible, stop changing the subject!”

“Fine, fine. So call her, and say what? I'm sorry? I don't have anything to apologize for! I want you back? What if she doesn't want me back?” Ashlyn took in a sharp breath and felt tears cloud in her eyes, “What if she doesn't want me back?”

“Oh, Ash,” Whitney sighed into the phone. She could hear Ashlyn wipe away a tear. “You're crying, do you need me to come over?”

“No, no, I'm fine. Kelley and Tobin should be home soon anyway, I should start dinner or do homework or, something,” Ashlyn fanned at her eyes as she checked the time. _7:45. I should really start dinner._

“Okay Ash, love you, stay safe.”

“Always, love ya Whit.”

 

\------------

 

“So what's the plan?” Ali asked as she walked up to Kelley who was on a bench right outside the building.

“It's not really a plan so much as just putting you two in the same room,” Kelley looked around before standing up from the bench. “You two apparently don't know how to not walk away from a serious situation.”

“Oh come on, and the way you're handling this with Hope is so mature?”

“Hey, Hope and I are handling this.”

“You _and_ Hope? Oh please, when's the last time you discussed with Hope what's really on your mind?” Ali scoffed as Kelley glared at her.

“We talked just before she left,” Kelley’s eyes hardened and her voice sounded like nothing if not scornful.

“And what about since then? Don't act like I didn't see you ignore those calls at lunch.”

“I'm trying to help _you_ , dammit!”

“Why? So in some sick, twisted way you can save your own relationship?”

“My relationship doesn't need to be _saved_ ,” Kelley took a deep breath before looking up at Ali. “But yours does, so stop pissing me off, and go upstairs.”

“I just-- Kelley, I'm sorry. It’s not my place to criticize anyone’s relationship,” she admitted.

“No, you're right,” Kelley sighed. “I was ignoring Hope. I just--” she cut herself off and dropped her eyes to the ground.

“What, Kell?”

“One crisis at a time, yeah?” Kelley offered a weak smile and opened the door for Ali.

“Sure, I think we can handle that.”

 

\------------

 

“Yes,” Alex said, breaking into a smile. “Yes, I'll be your girlfriend.”

“Really?” Tobin returned the smile before pulling Alex into a hug. “That’s awesome, Lex.”

Alex pulled away before smiling up at Tobin - her _girlfriend_ \- “Can I do something?”

“Uh sure, what is it?”

Alex leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Tobin’s lips, pulling away before she even had time to react. “That.”

Tobin's smile grew wider - as if that was even possible - and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on Alex’s. “You can do that as much as you want,” she whispered, letting her eyes close slowly.

“Can I do it again right now?” Alex whispered, leaning forward a little bit more.

Instead of providing an answer, Tobin just closed the distance between their lips, but it got the point across.

 

\------------

 

“I just wanted to make _fucking_ tacos,” Ashlyn muttered as she ran cold water over her hand. Her right hand, the one that was still injured because she was an idiot and punched a few inanimate objects. _That_ hand. Of _fucking_ course.

**Tobs : can Alex come over? and what’s our plan for dinner?**

Ashlyn smiled as she typed out a response for Tobin. _Alex is good for her, way better than Christen._

**Ash : yeah she can, we’re having tacos**

**Ash : and if you get ahold of kelley tell her to hurry up**

**Tobs : awesome also guess what**

Ashlyn sighed as she repositioned the pan on top of the stove, making sure to be careful and not risk further injury. _What is she possibly up to now?_

**Ash : yeah?**

**Tobs : alex and i are dating :)**

Ashlyn laughed for a second in disbelief before replying to the message.

**Ash : i’m so proud of you**

**Tobs : proud?**

**Ash : you finally grew a pair ;)**

**Tobs : gross**

**Tobs : we'll be there for dinner**

Ashlyn smiled to herself and set her phone down on the counter as she heard a knock on the door. “Yeah, who is it?”

“It's, uh, it's me,” Ali said from the other side.

Ashlyn’s face grew hard as she walked over, “What do you want?”

“A second chance?” Ali followed as Ashlyn gestured into the apartment. “A _first_ chance so we can actually talk?”

“Talk about what?” Ashlyn snapped as she walked back into the kitchen. “You already said you--,” Ashlyn drew in a sharp breath and broke her stoic expression. “You don't love me,” she blinked back tears as she spoke. “What more is there to say?”

Ali stepped forward to pull Ashlyn into a hug, “I lied,” she whispered simply. “I am so, so sorry Ash, and I don't know why I did it, but I lied to you.”

Ashlyn let herself relish in the contact for a moment before pulling away, “Why Ali?”

“I already said I don't know why, and I'm so sorry,” Ali sighed and looked at the floor.

“Sorry? You don't get to just say _sorry_ and waltz back into my life like nothing happened,” Ashlyn clenched her jaw in an attempt to stay calm before continuing. “We need to-- to talk or _something_ because feelings like this won't just float away, Al. You said you don't love me, and you say you lied, but you _still_ said you don't love me. So why'd you say it?”

Ali looked up and met Ashlyn’s eyes, filled with raw emotion. “Because I'm scared, Ash. I'm scared I'm gonna mess up and I'm scared I'm not gonna be good enough and I'm just,” she paused to wipe at her tears before continuing. “I'm scared I'm gonna lose you, and I thought that if I could control how it happens it would hurt less. I thought that if I could tell you I didn't love you, I could trick myself into thinking I don't, but I was wrong,” Ali was sobbing now and stepped forward as Ashlyn welcomed her with open arms. “I was wrong, I was so wrong. I'm sorry Ash, I love you.”

“You weren’t all that wrong, Al. I _am_ really dependent on you and I need to strengthen and grow. I need to be my own person.”

Ali nodded into Ashlyn’s chest as she wondered what she was trying to say, but stayed silent.

“And I think that starts with a bit of time apart, y’know? I still love you, I can’t deny that, I never could. And I don’t think we shouldn’t date, but I need my friends. I need to sleep here and I need to get coffee with Whit and I need to have study sessions with Tobin and Kelley.” Ashlyn stood with her arms wrapped around Ali for a few moments before finally leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “But it's okay,” she whispered as Ali’s cries softened. “I’m still here and I still love you. It can still be _us_. It'll be okay, I promise.”

Ali pulled back and looked at the girl in front of her - the girl who was smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. No, her eyes were filled with fear and worry and something else that Ali couldn't quite put a name to, but she knew it wasn't good - she looked at this girl and she _knew_ she couldn't mess up again, and she _knew_ Ashlyn deserved the best, and she _knew_ that she would never let Ashlyn feel anything less than utterly and completely loved for as long as she would allow Ali to be a part of her life.

“I promise something too,” she whispered as she buried her head back in Ashlyn’s shoulder.

“Oh yeah? What's that?”

She looked up at Ashlyn and was met with her eyes, and the word for what she saw that escaped her before finally came to mind.

_Strong._

“I'll never hurt you again.”

 

\------------

 

“You're sure they won't mind?” Alex asked as she tightened her grip on Tobin’s hand.

Tobin rolled her eyes before turning to smile at Alex. “I'm positive, babe.

Alex nodded. “Okay.”

“Hey, you okay?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“I dunno, you just seem,” Tobin scuffed her foot on the ground while searching for the word. “Off.”

“Off?”

“Yeah, are you sure you don't wanna talk about practice?”

“Tobs,” she stopped walking and pulled Tobin to a stop with her. “The last thing I wanna do right now is talk about soccer.” She put her hands behind Tobin’s neck before resting her head on Tobin's chest.

“I'm sorry, Lex,” Tobin kissed the top of Alex's head before continuing. “I won't bring it up again, but I'm here if you wanna talk, alright?”

Alex picked her head back up to look at Tobin, “Okay, thank you. I'm here for you too.”

“I know. Hey, wanna go back to my place?”

“Are you trying to _seduce me_ , Tobin Heath?”

Tobin laughed as Alex wiggled her eyebrows, “I am a _gentleman_ ,” she said with mock offense. “Of _course_ I am trying to seduce you.”

Alex laughed before releasing her grip around Tobin’s neck. “Well, at least you're honest,” she said with a shrug, reaching for Tobin’s hand.

“Honest, chivalrous, sexy, I mean--” she let out a fake cough while Alex tried to control her laughter. “You name it.”

 

\------------

 

**KOtheBAEo : hey, super sorry**

**KOtheBAEo : i’ll call soon and explain i promise**

**Hope <3 : ok**

**Hope <3 : hey, i love you**

**KOtheBAEo : i love you too**

 

\------------

 

Ali looked up from where she was resting with her head on Ashlyn’s lap, “Would it be weird if I stayed for dinner? Tobs probably wouldn't be too excited to see me.”

Ashlyn shrugged. “Tobin’s pretty okay, she's kind of the strong, silent type, y'know?”

Ali chuckled at the thought and agreed before relaxing. “What about Kelley? She can be pretty feisty, yeah?”

Ashlyn shrugged again, “Kell’s got her own troubles, you and I getting back together won't phase her too much.”

Ali nodded in agreement and wondered just how much Ashlyn knew about Kelley’s problems. Or more specifically, Kelley and _Hope’s_ problems.

 

\------------

 

“Hey, babe, I'm really sorry,” Kelley said into the phone as soon as Hope answered.

“Uh, it's alright? Are you okay though? You've been kinda distant,” Hope responded in a caring voice that made Kelley want to melt with love and throw up with guilt.

“No, yeah-- I mean,” she hesitated for a moment as she searched for the words. “I'm fine. At least I will be, thank you.”

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing's _wrong_ , I just miss you and stuff.”

“Oh, okay,” Hope sighed in temporary relief before asking the question she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to. “Are you ignoring me?”

Kelley hesitated, _Do I tell the truth? Do I lie my ass off? Do I say what she wants to hear?_ “I've just been busy all day, I was, uh, helping Ali with some stuff! Yeah, Al was working on something to apologize to Ash and asked for a hand, so, yeah.” _Not a lie! Not exactly the truth, but not a lie._

“Oh,” Hope nodded for a second before realizing Kelley couldn't see her. “Alright, yeah that makes sense.”

Kelley approached the front of the library, “Yeah, well, I've gotta go babe.”

“Oh.”

“But I'll call you after dinner okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Alright, bye Hope, love you!”

“Bye Kell, I love you too.”

Kelley ended the call as she sighed and walked through the doors, wanting to be just about _anywhere_ but there.

 

\------------

 

“So what happened to tacos?” Tobin asked as she walked into the apartment, grabbing a slice of pizza from the table.

“I burned the meat,” Ashlyn shrugged from the couch.

“And her hand,” Ali chimed in.

Tobin raised an eyebrow as she pulled Alex into the living room with her, “You and Ali are--”

“Together, yeah,” Ashlyn finished, squeezing Ali’s hand for comfort. “Problem?”

Tobin shook her head, “Nah, welcome back, Kriegs.”

“Hi Ali, nice to see you again,” Alex greeted, offering a small wave with the hand that wasn't holding Tobin’s.

Ali looked to Ashlyn to confirm her suspicions, “Are they?”

“Together? Yeah,” Ashlyn said as Tobin turned to Alex with a smile and led them into her room, grabbing a half empty box of pizza on the way.

 

\------------

 

“Finally make it home?” Ashlyn teased as Kelley walked through the door.

Kelley chuckled and shook her head, “I know, it's late, but I’ve got a paper for History due in two days.” _And I don't feel right without Hope here._

Ashlyn smiled as she rose from the couch, “I gotcha.” She smiled knowingly, “How long have you known about it?”

“Three weeks,” Kelley admitted, dropping her backpack next to a chair and the textbook in her hands onto the table.

Ashlyn smirked, “And when did you start this paper?”

“Three hours ago?”

“Listen Kell, I know I may _seem_ like a great role model and wonderful person,” she grinned as she pulled a smile from Kelley. “But my procrastination habits are _not_ one of the things you should copy from me.”

“One of?” Kelley cocked an eyebrow, “And exactly what things _should_ I copy?”

“Oh y'know, my impeccable sense of style, my killer soccer skills, my ability to ride a wave--” she looked around the room as if to double check that Ali had left the apartment, “Like I can ride a girl.”

Kelley let out a laugh and silently thanked her friend for always cheering her up, no matter the reason for it, “Ah, you're right Ash, I should start taking notes.”

Ashlyn offered a warm smile as she pulled Kelley in for a much-needed hug, “You really should.”

 

\------------

 

“Is everyone fully clothed?” Ashlyn asked as she knocked on Tobin's door.

Alex started to giggle as Tobin lifted a finger to her lips in an effort to silence her, “Wait let me find my pants,” she responded.

Ashlyn groaned from the other side of the door, reaching for the knob before hearing something else.

“Oh, Alex, here's your bra,” Tobin called towards the door.

“You have five seconds till I'm coming in,” Ashlyn braced herself for the worst, not entirely sure if Tobin had been kidding or not. “Five, four, three, two, one.” She pushed open the door only to be met with two fully clothed and giggling girls cuddling on the bed. “Your sheets aren't even messed up Tobs, do you really fix your sheets after sex?” Ashlyn asked with a mockingly disappointed frown.

Alex started laughing even harder, turning into Tobin’s shoulder.

“Also, seriously guys, do we need to instate an open door policy?” Ashlyn joked.

Tobin paused their movie and smiled up at her friend, “For the record, we didn't have sex.”

Alex regained a sense of composure and looked up at Ashlyn, “And I don't mind taking my clothes off with the door open.”

Tobin and Ashlyn both looked over at her then busted into laughter as Alex’s cheeks tinged pink. “Really, huh?” Tobin teased as she nudged her girlfriend.

“Well, I mind if you take your clothes off with the door open,” Ashlyn looked at Alex with a joking glare as Kelley walked into the room behind her.

“I do too,” Kelley said as stood next to Ashlyn.

Ashlyn nodded, “Anyway, it’s bedtime Tobs.”

“You’re not my mom?” Tobin argued, rising from the bed anyway.

“I’m your best friend, so that’s pretty much the same thing,” Ashlyn shrugged as Kelley nodded in agreement. "And we all have class tomorrow."

“Yep, sorry Alex, it’s late,” Kelley said as they all walked out of the room.

“It’s alright,” Alex smiled and hugged Tobin. “Thanks for having me over, guys.”

“Anytime,” Ashlyn smirked. “As long you guys don’t do the nasty on any of my stuff, in a public area of the apartment, or within close proximity of me.”

“Or me,” Kelley chimed in.

“Yeah, or Kell. If you do, we will hold an apartment meeting and you will be banned from the apartment for a set amount of time, determined by how bad the offense is,” Ashlyn finished.

Tobin rolled her eyes as she guided Alex out of the apartment, resting a hand on her lower back. “They’re kidding.”

“No we’re not!” Kelley yelled as Tobin pulled the door shut.

“Sorry about that,” Tobin said with a small laugh. “They can be a bit, extra sometimes.”

Alex laughed “Oh, you’re telling me. Just wait till I take you home to Syd.”

 

\------------

 

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Tobin asked as she pulled back from a hug.

“Sounds great, wanna meet for coffee?”

“I’d love to.”  Alex smiled and leaned in for another hug. “Goodnight, Tobs,” she gave Tobin a chaste kiss before pulling back to go inside.

“Night, Lex,” Tobin waved as Alex walked up the steps to her door. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” She called out.

“See you tomorrow!” Alex called back before disappearing into the building.

Tobin smiled to herself as she turned to head back to her apartment. _I like her. I really like her._ She looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. _I hope I don’t fuck this up._

 

\-----------

 

“We have a problem,” Ashlyn said as Tobin walked into the apartment.

“Look, Ash, I _promise_ we didn’t have sex--”

“No! Not that,” Ashlyn cut herself off and led Tobin to Kelley’s door silently. She leaned her ear to the door and motioned for Tobin to do the same. “Hear that?” She whispered as sobs echoed through the wood.

Tobin nodded before pulling away from the door. “What happened?”

Ashlyn shrugged. “Hope maybe?”

“What could Hope have done?”

“No, maybe she misses Hope,” Ashlyn said, pulling out her phone. “I’m gonna call her.” She opened her recents and clicked the green button next to _Hope Yolo_. “Hey, Hope, you there?”

“Well I answered, didn’t I?” Hope’s voice filled the room as Ashlyn clicked the speaker button. “So how’d it go with Ali?”

Ashlyn grimaced as she realized she never filled Hope in, “Uh, we’re back together.”

“Really? How’d that go over?”

Ashlyn walked into the living room and took a seat. “She apologized, I apologized, we talked through some stuff, we set some boundaries,” Ashlyn shrugged before remembering that Hope couldn’t actually see her. “We’re okay though.”

“Hey Hope,” Tobin said as she joined Ashlyn on the couch.

“Tobin! How are things in your life?”

“It’s literally been less than twenty-four hours,” Tobin said with a laugh. “Oh, but Alex and I are together.”

“Really? Adorable!”

“Thanks,” Tobin laughed as Ashlyn cleared her throat to get Hope’s attention.

“Hey, Hope, did you ever get ahold of Kelley?” Ashlyn asked.

“Yeah but we only talked for a little bit, said she was super busy.” Worry filled Hope’s voice, “Why, is she not there?”

“No, she is,” Ashlyn continued. “She, uh,” Ashlyn looked to Tobin for help.

Tobin nodded and took over, “She’s crying, Hope. I dunno why, but we can hear the sobs through her door. Did something happen between you guys maybe?”

“No, nothing happened.” Hope sounded disappointed. “Maybe it’s just the distance, or something.”

“Well, we’ll let you go so you can call her,” Ashlyn reached to hang up the phone until Hope stopped her.

“No, don’t,” she sighed. “If she didn’t tell me then maybe she isn’t ready to talk to me about it. I don’t want her to think I was going behind her back or anything, you guys should talk to her.”

“You sure?” Tobin asked.

“Positive, I’m gonna go so you can talk to her, but let me know how it goes.”

“Will do,” Ashlyn assured her. “Love you, Hope.”

“Love you guys too.”

 

\------------

 

“So, what do we say?” Tobin asked as she followed Ashlyn to Kelley’s room.

“We tell her we love her and she doesn’t have to do this alone, then we sit with her and prove why we’re her best friends until she’s okay again.”

“You’re right,” Tobin nodded as Ashlyn opened the door.

“Hey Kell,” Ashlyn said as she sat down next to Kelley. “You okay?”

Kelley sniffled and wiped at the tears on her face, “What’re you guys doing here?”

“We’re loving you,” Tobin said as she took the other side of the bed.

“Yep, and we’re gonna make you feel loved,” Ashlyn said, putting an arm around Kelley’s shoulders.

“So what’s wrong, Kell?”

“I just,” Kelley sighed. It was stupid. She _knew_ it was stupid. “I just miss Hope,” she admitted.

“It’s okay to be sad,” Ashlyn rested her head on Kelley’s shoulder. “Long distance is hard. Being away from those you love is hard.”

Tobin nodded, “Yeah, it’ll be okay though. Hope loves you and we love you, everything's gonna be okay.”

Kelley nodded and leaned back into her pile of pillows. She had to admit, with her two best friends in the world on either side of her, it was hard to not be at least a little happy.

They all slipped into a half dream state for the next hour or so as they sat in each other’s company.

“I have an idea!” Ashlyn yelled, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” Tobin mumbled, looking up from where she had buried her face into a pillow.

“I have an idea,” she repeated, getting off the bed. She held her hands out to her friends, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Ash, it’s nearly three in the morning, where exactly are we going?” Kelley asked, following her friends out of the cozy bed.

“Just, _trust me_ , alright?”

Tobin shrugged, “I’m down, just let me grab a jacket.”

“Yeah, same,” Kelley agreed, turning back to her room.

Tobin stepped into her room and grabbed a hoodie off of her desk that she didn’t remember leaving there. “Ready to go?” She asked as she pulled it over her head, walking into the kitchen.

“Oh god, Tobs, really? I know Alex is pretty and all, but Cal?” Ashlyn shuddered, “Do we need to get rid of her and her bad influence?”

Kelley and Tobin laughed, “It was just the first thing I grabbed okay? Let’s go, I’m tired.”

Ashlyn smiled and opened the door for her friends, “Seriously, trust me guys, it’s totally worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn gets philosophical (in a good way), Kelley has a confession (or two), Tobin gets teased about Alex (all in good fun), and they all relearn what best friends are for.

Ashlyn pulled to a stop in front of one of the practice fields that wasn't locked - well,  _ technically  _ it was, but Hope had swiped the key her Freshman year so she could get in extra practice time and passed it down to Ashlyn after she graduated. 

“Isn't this just a practice field?” Tobin asked as she got out of the passenger seat of the car. 

“It’s not just  _ any  _ practice field,” Ashlyn smiled as she glanced over through the fence. “It's mine and Hope’s,” she pulled a soccer ball out of the backseat before walking over to Tobin. 

“Why are you taking us to yours and Hope’s practice field?” Kelley asked, following her friends to the gate. 

“It's the best place here to look at the stars,” Ashlyn said simply. 

“Stars?” Tobin asked, holding her hand out for the ball. “Why are we looking at the stars?”

“The stars have power,” Ashlyn handed it over as she looked up to the sky with a wide smile. “They're vast and powerful, and they make you think about things.”

“What do some flying balls of gas have to do with thought?” Kelley asked, shaking her head. She signaled her hand to receive a pass from Tobin before continuing, “And how is this supposed to cheer me up?”

“Alright guys,” Ashlyn turned to her friends and caught the ball as Kelley volleyed it up to her. “Remember how Ali studied abroad in Germany last summer?”

They nodded and followed what Ashlyn did, sitting down in the slightly damp grass. 

“Okay, remember how I stayed here for a few weeks during the summer?” 

Kelley nodded, “Yeah, you and Hope stayed here before the season started.” 

“Oh yeah,” Tobin leaned back on her hands, “I remember now.”

“Hope taught me about a lot more than goalkeeping that week,” Ashlyn said, dropping the ball in her lap. “She taught me about life, family, love,” she trailed off but took note of how Kelley seemed to be hanging onto every word. “She took me here, we spent  _ hours _ here,” Ashlyn smiled in fondness of the memory before continuing, “But she taught me about being a good person, no matter what's thrown at you.”

Ashlyn sighed heavily as she tossed the ball forward and Kelley caught it, setting it between her feet. 

“So why're we here?” Tobin asked, not out of annoyance, but general curiosity. 

“Because I love you guys, and I was really lost last summer, and I think we could all use a bit of bonding,” Ashlyn said, leaning back and laying on the grass. “Hope taught me so much, she's such a good person,” Ashlyn chuckled to herself. “And damn, she's crazy about you, Kell. I'm not sure she'll ever  _ stop  _ being crazy about you.”

Ashlyn leaned up to see that Kelley and Tobin had both laid down in the grass as well, and Kelley was beaming with love. 

“I've learned a lot with Hope, but by far the most important thing I've learned, is that loving someone is truly a privileged experience. Hope’s been through a lot, y'know,” Ashlyn brought her arms to rest then behind her head. “But she's still so strong, so admirable, so--”

“Loving,” Kelley finished. “She's so loving.”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn smiled. “She's been through much and yet she still takes it upon herself to care for those around her. She's been unloved before, and she can't bring herself to let anyone else feel that way.”

Kelley felt tears coming to her eyes as she was reminded of how lucky she was to have Hope in her life, “Yeah, she really is something special.” She leaned up and wrapped her arms around her knees, “So why'd you take us here? To talk about Hope and make me sad?” 

“Nah,” Ashlyn followed suit and leaned up so she could be level with Kelley. “I brought you here to teach you one of the most important things Hope taught me,” she explained. “You see, Hope was always very aware of her surroundings. She was cautious of the distance she was between the poles, she knew how far away the ball was from her at all times, and she always kept a careful eye on the proximity between her defenders and the other team’s offense. If there was one thing Hope hated most, it was not knowing the space around her. It's part of her hatred for flying,” Ashlyn explained, now having rested back on the grass to stare at the stars again. 

“She hated not knowing the altitude, how far away she was from where she left, or how close she was to her destination. But then, she started getting into astrology. She took an intro to astrology course last year, and it amazed her. The thoughts of stars and other astronomical bodies flying through space, no mind of where they could be going or how fast they might get there, just going until they reach wherever they're destined to.”

“The knowledge that everyone looking at the moon, was looking at the same moon as her. It fascinated her, and it helped with the idea of distance. She told me that whenever she's missing someone, she just looks up at the moon and the stars, and she can find a little bit of comfort in it. She told me to do the same, with Ali. She told me that whenever I was missing Ali, I could look up at the sky, and find home. I could look up to the moon, and know that Ali was looking at the same moon. It empowered me, it made me fall in love with the stars and the moon and everything about the sky, so, I hope it does for you guys too. I hope you can look up at the stars and feel magic running through your veins and feel love fill your lungs and know, with all your heart, that those you love are looking up at the same exact moon as you are.”

They all lied in the grass silently, staring up at the night sky until Tobin broke the silence, “That was beautiful, Ash.”

“Thanks, Tobs,” she leaned up and waited for Kelley to say something. 

“Yeah,” she whispered, still laying down. “Do you think she’s looking at the moon right now?”

“She could be, Kell,” Ashlyn answered. “Pass me the ball.”

Kelley nodded and kicked it over to her friend.

“Stand up guys,” Ashlyn motioned for her friends to follow as she rose from ground, ball at her feet.

“What are we doing  _ now _ ?” Tobin asked as she stood up with a yawn.

“I’m gonna kick your asses in some soccer tennis.”

“Ash, it’s pitch black,” Kelley said, rolling her eyes. 

“Then it won’t be that hard, now will it?

 

\------------

 

They stayed at the field for a couple more hours - the sun was almost rising and none of them had gotten any sleep - before finally deciding it was time to leave.

“Ash,” Kelley yawned as they piled back into the car. “Did you and Ali make up and all?”

Ashlyn looked over to her friend in the passenger seat as the car started, “Yeah, I think we did. We’re good. Thanks, Kell.”

“For what?” She asked, feigning innocence.

Ashlyn started on the road towards their apartment, “I think you two forget sometimes, but I’m older and smarter--”

“I’m offended,” Tobin interrupted.

Ashlyn waved her off, “Anyway, I was saying that you may think I don’t know what’s going on, but I always do.”

“You sound like some fortune teller or a grandma in a crappy movie,” Kelley said, letting out a small laugh as she felt the exhaustion getting to her. “Wait, so does that mean you knew I was trying to help Ali?”

“The locker room has ears, Kell,” Ashlyn said with a small smile.

“Not to break up the little revelation moment or anything,” Tobin said from the backseat. “But I just wanted to say, I really do feel closer to you two after that.”

Kelley turned back to look at Tobin and smiled, “Yeah, me too.”

“Me three,” Ashlyn said, not taking her eyes away from the road.

 

\------------

 

Ashlyn led the way into the apartment dropping her keys in a bowl by the door. “So,” she glanced out the sliding doors to their balcony and could see the beginning of a sunrise. “Breakfast anyone?”

Tobin smiled, “Well, I think a nap would be pointless at this point.” 

“Get me the bacon, there’s some in the freezer,” Ashlyn pointed to Kelley as she turned on the stove. 

Kelley nodded, “Hash browns too?”

“Yeah, sure. Eggs are over here.”

Tobin took a seat at the table and stretched her arms above her head with yawn. “I’ll just eat it,” she offered.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and turned so she could look at Tobin. “Y’know, I bet that water gun’s still in the fridge,” she threatened.

Kelley set the packages on the counter next to Ashlyn. “It is, actually.”

Tobin stood up with a groan, “Fine, what do you need help with?”

“Actually,” Ashlyn scanned the kitchen. “I think I’m good.”

“Then what’re you threatening me for?”

“Be productive,” Ashlyn started cracking eggs into the pan. “Do homework. Don’t you have a paper due soon, Kell?”

Kelley sighed, “Yeah, I do.”

Tobin wore a shit-eating grin, “Not me. I actually do my homework.”

“That’s a lie,” Ashlyn argued. “And you can still study, don’t you have flashcards for anatomy?”

Tobin shrugged, “Maybe.”

“Tobin Heath,” Ashlyn glared her, but they both knew she was on the verge of a smile. “Study.”

“You’re such a mom,” Kelley whined as she trudged out of her room, two textbooks, a notebook, and a laptop in tow.

“It’s kind of annoying,” Tobin agreed.

“You love me,” Ashlyn said, turning back to the pan. 

 

\------------

 

Ashlyn set three plates on the table and slid Kelley’s laptop to the side. “Eat up, we all have class soon.”

Tobin yawned and laid her flash cards off to the side. “And whose fault is it we were up all night?”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes. “We were bonding.”

Tobin shrugged, “Fair enough.” 

 

\------------

After a few minutes of silence - besides the chewing or occasional moan from the taste of real food, college life was rough sometimes - Kelley broke it.

“Speaking of bonding,” she set her fork down. “Mind if I admit something?”

“Kell, we’re literally best friends,” Ashlyn shook her head. “That’s kind of the point of having best friends. People you can talk to.”

“Well,” Kelley bit her lip. “I haven't been,  _ totally  _ honest with you guys.”

Tobin looked up at Kelley with her mouth full and raised an eyebrow. “How so?” She mumbled through her food. 

“I'm afraid,” she whispered, looking down at the table. 

Ashlyn shifted her chair so she was angled towards Kelley. “Of?”

“Of losing.”

Tobin looked from Kelley to Ashlyn, then back to Kelley again. “Our game’s not till Friday.”

“No, dumbass,” Kelley kicked Tobin underneath the table. “Losing you guys, losing Hope.”

Ashlyn reached out for Kelley’s arm, “You're not gonna lose us--”

“I could lose everything!” Kelley sighed. “I can't, I can't lose you. Or Hope. Or soccer. Or  _ any  _ of it, and I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm gonna screw it up.”

“Screw what up, Kell?” Tobin asked with a concerned look on her face. 

“All the good things. I'm worried, I'm  _ constantly  _ worried for no reason. Hope’s all the way in Seattle and I shouldn't worry because I know she’s faithful as hell, but I can't stop it. We've been best friends for two  _ years _ and I'm scared to death you guys are gonna think I'm annoying all of a sudden. I'm a consistent starter on the team, but I'm afraid one day coach is just gonna bench me and that'll be the end of it.” Kelley paused and dropped her head in her hands. “I can't lose it, guys. I can't lose everything.”

Ashlyn stood up and stepped over, wrapping an arm around Kelley's shoulders. “We've got ya, Kell,” she whispered, swaying from side to side. 

Tobin looked sympathetic as she walked around the table. “You can talk to us, like Ash said. We're best friends.”

Kelley nodded and wiped at her eyes, “I know, I know. And I should've talked about this sooner--”

“Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You're talking now,” Ashlyn said, rubbing circles into her back. “Now,” Ashlyn picked up Kelley's neglected plate from the table. “I'm gonna heat this up, we're all gonna eat our breakfast that I  _ slaved _ over, and then we're gonna get ready for class.”

“Wait wait,” Tobin said as Ashlyn walked back towards the kitchen. “I think we've all got some admitting to do. Or talking, or therapy, or whatever.”

Ashlyn sighed and turned back to her friends. “Nose goes,” she said casually, raising a finger to her nose. 

“Fine,” Tobin rolled her eyes. “I was an idiot. Christen was bad for me, Alex is good.”

“And?” Kelley asked. 

“And I'm sorry,” Tobin slumped down in her seat. “I should've listened to you guys about Christen.”

“Damn right, you should've,” Ashlyn laughed. “And?”

“ _ And  _ I swear to not get hurt this time.”

Kelley frowned, “You can't promise that.”

“Well then what else do you want?”

Ashlyn waked over and put an arm around Tobin, similar to what she'd done to Kelley a few minutes before. “And you're gonna talk to us if you do get hurt. And you're gonna take care of Alex. And you're going to make sure that first and foremost, you guys are friends and there for each other in times of need.”

Tobin nodded. “Yeah, okay. Fair enough.”

“And if she cheats on you,”  _ Like the others, _ Ashlyn thought to herself. “You're gonna tell us right away so we can fuck her up.”

Kelley nodded and raised her fists in a fake fighting stance. 

Tobin shook her head. “I'll tell you, but you're not doing anything to her.”

“Fine,” Kelley resigned, dropping her clenched fists to the side. “Your turn,” she turned so she was facing Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn brought back Kelley’s plate - now warm, she had been too busy trying to confess before and Tobin and Ashlyn were already done - and sat in the seat on the end of the table. “I'm sorry for being an idiot.”

“We all are,” Kelley said. 

Tobin nodded in agreement, “There's more.”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry for not talking to you guys about my problems, and I’m sorry for ditching you so much to hang out with Ali, and I’m sorry that I fucked up my hand.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Kelley said softly, smiling up at her friend. “Just know what to do next time, okay?”

“Yeah, and we love you,” Tobin nodded. “And if you can’t do shit with that hand by Friday, we’re telling the coaches.”

Ashlyn squinted at her, “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, we would,” Kelley added. “Because we care about you, Ash. And if your hand is too fucked up to even hold a pan--”

“I dropped it because it was  _ hot _ , not my hand,” Ashlyn cut in.

“--then we’re not gonna let you fuck it up more in a game,” she finished. 

Ashlyn glanced over to a clock hanging over their front door, 7:45. “Fair enough, guys. But  _ I h _ ave class on the far side of campus, so I’ve gotta get going.” She stood up to pull Kelley into a quick hug then threw a wave over her shoulder for Tobin. “I’ll see you later, okay? I’m meeting Ali for lunch, but the three of us are having dinner together tonight.”

“I’ll be there,” Tobin checked her phone as she noticed two messages from Alex.

**Lex :) : meet me at the coffee place right outside our building? then maybe lunch together?**

**Lex :) : also, syd would LOVE to meet you...she wants to read you the riot act**

Tobin smiled as she typed out a reply.

**Toby :) : will do, but not tonight. roomie bonding :)**

“Same,” Kelley nodded then slid up to Tobin. “But I don’t know, are you sure you can make it?” She teased. “What about  _ Alex _ ?”

Tobin groaned as she slid her phone back in her pocket. “What  _ about _ Alex? We can handle ourselves.”

“Oh right, I forgot, you have  _ practically _ the same schedules.” Kelley turned up her nose in mock disgust. “Like a match made in the counselor’s office, gag me.” Kelley looked back to Tobin and smirked, “But make sure you check that Alex is okay with it before you gag her.” She winked as Tobin blushed and looked to the floor.

Ashlyn doubled over in laughter before finally standing upright again and opening the door. “I’ll see you guys tonight, love you!”

“We love you too!” Kelley called out as Ashlyn pulled the door shut. “So Tobin,” she raised an eyebrow curiously. “I notice you didn’t  _ deny _ anything.”

“Shut up, Kell.” Tobin clenched her jaw and felt her blush deepen. “I’m gonna go get ready.”

“Are you gonna move your  _ stuff _ ,” Kelley teased as Tobin disappeared into her room.

Tobin took a deep breath and regained her composure before poking her head out from behind the door. “No, but don’t look in my top right drawer,” she winked and shut the door, leaving Kelley speechless in the dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Busy, busy day. Kelley misses Hope (as usual), Ali and Ashlyn do a lot more talking (with a lot less fighting), and Tobin and Alex are cute as ever (but really, when are they not?).

“Good morning, sweetie,” Alex greeted as Tobin joined her outside of their building. 

“I'd ask if you wanna get coffee, but,” Tobin gestured to Alex's hand before placing a quick kiss on her cheek. “I see you're well prepared for the day.”

“One of them's for you, dork,” Alex rolled her eyes as she handed the cup over. 

“Thanks, babe,” Tobin smiled as she rubbed at her temple. 

“You alright?” Alex interlocked her fingers with Tobin as they began walking to their building. 

“Late night,” she yawned before taking another drink of coffee. 

“Can I help?” Alex leaned her head against Tobin's shoulder as they approached where they had to split ways. 

“I don't think so,” she yawned again. “Roomie bonding, we were up all night.”

“Thought that was tonight?” Alex rested a hand on Tobin’s bicep. “And that's why you can't come meet Syd?”

“I've  _ met  _ Syd, just not as your--” 

Alex cut her off with a kiss. “My girlfriend,” she added, pulling away. “Now go to class, or we’ll both be late.”

Tobin smiled, pressing a quick kiss to Alex's cheek before turning away. “Thanks again for the coffee, I probably wouldn't make it through first without it.”

“Anytime, babe.”

 

\------------

 

**Ali : still at your place?**

**Ash : on my longboard, heading to first.**

**Ali: I'll meet you. coffee?**

**Ash: maybe, I'm running late**

Ashlyn shoved her phone back in her pocket and rolled her neck with a yawn. She was ready to face this, to face Ali, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for all the normalcy Ali was trying to bring back.

 

\------------

 

“Hey Hope,” Kelley answered her phone with a cheery voice. 

“Hey Kell,” Hope yawned into the phone. “You must've gotten more sleep than I did if you sound that happy.”

“I didn't get much sleep,” she briefly wonders if an extreme under exaggeration counts as a lie. “Just happy to talk to you. What about you?”

“I'm happy to talk to you, too.”

“Not what I meant,” Kelley rolled her eyes as she started packing her laptop and notebook into her bag. “How did you sleep?”

“Not great,” Hope admitted. “And I have a double session, so practice all day. Yay me.”

“Poor thing,” Kelley laughed and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Maybe you should try and sleep a little more.”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Babe,” Kelley sighed into the phone. “You could've called me at lunch and slept in. It's,” she checked her watch. “5:17 there right now.” 

“Yep,” Hope yawned again. “But you'll be in class during my lunch.”

“After practice?” 

“You'll be at practice by then.”

Kelley sighed. “Why do I always forget how hard this is?”

Hope shrugged, even though Kelley couldn't see her. “We've made it this far.”

“You're right.”

“We can make it through anything.”

“Right again,” Kelley agreed as she grabbed her car keys. 

“Any plans today?” Hope asked as Kelley started down the stairs. 

“School, more school, lunch at some point, more school, then practice. And I have a paper due tomorrow that I just started.”

“How long did you know about this paper?”

“You sound like Ashlyn,” Kelley rolled her eyes as she tossed her stuff to the passenger seat, starting her car. 

“Ashlyn sounds like me,” Hope corrected with a laugh. “You have a busy day ahead of you, huh?”

“Always do.”

“You'll get through, Babe.”

“Always do,” Kelley agreed. “I'm gonna go to class now, alright?”

“Sure,” Hope rubbed at her eyes before finally leaning up in bed. “Text me at lunch?”

“Of course. I love you.”

“I love you.”

 

\------------

 

“Ash,” Ali smiled as Ashlyn rolled up to her, sticking a foot out to stop herself. 

“Ali,” Ashlyn nodded, smiling as she picked up her board. 

“I got you coffee, since you said you were running late,” Ali held out one of the cups and Ashlyn took it graciously. 

“You are  _ seriously  _ the best,” Ashlyn laughed before taking a drink. 

“Only for you,” she pressed a kiss to Ashlyn's cheek and laid a hand on her forearm. “You alright?” Ali asked, noticing Ashlyn’s clouded eyes. 

“Just tired,” she lied with a yawn. “Long night last night.”

“Oh,” Ali frowned and began to lead their way to class. “Are you alright? You can always call me, you know that right?”

“I know, Babe,” Ashlyn felt Ali brush her hand against her leg and suddenly wished she had driven so she would have a free hand to hold Ali’s, instead of carrying her longboard. 

Ali looked up to Ashlyn as they approached the door. “We're okay, right?” 

“Can we talk at lunch?” She said, in lieu of an answer. “We should get going to class, though.”

“Yeah, sure,” Ali brushed her fingers along Ashlyn's forearm before pulling her in for a quick kiss. “Walk me after this period?”

Ashlyn froze, not sure how to react to the PDA (all she was really doing was smiling like an idiot in response). “Of course. I love you,” she said in a relatively quiet voice as Ali walked into her own class. 

Ali turned around, her hair flipping away from her face to reveal a bright smile. “I love you, too.”

 

\------------

 

“What's it like?”

“What's what like?” Alex asked, turning her head to Tobin as they walked down the sidewalk. 

“Moving across the country,” she said in a quieter voice. “Without anyone.”

“Uhm,” Alex sighed and squeezed Tobin's hand for comfort as she attempted to come up with an answer. “It's hard, but if it's really the right decision, you'll know. And it'll be worth it.”

Tobin merely nodded in response, mulling over the words to herself. “How'd you know it was the right decision?”

Alex bit her lip before pulling on Tobin's hand to make her stop walking. “What's wrong?”

“I'm worried about, I don't know, after school stuff.”

“And where you're gonna go?”

Tobin nodded. “What if I hate it there?”

“Honey,” Alex placed her left hand on the side of Tobin's hand and her right on Tobin’s shoulder. “What do you love most in the world?”

“Soccer,” she answered without skipping a beat. 

“I can promise you that location doesn't even determine  _ half   _ of what makes somewhere a place.”

“What do you mean?”

“Take me moving here, for example,” Alex pulled on Tobin’s hand again so they could start walking. “I never necessarily wanted to live in North Carolina. I had the beach at Cal, and I liked that beach better,” she paused to laugh. “But the  _ people _ and the  _ experiences _ I have here, that's what makes me love it.”

Tobin’s eyes dropped to the floor as she nodded silently. 

Alex squeezed Tobin's hand again and Tobin turned to look at her. “My--  _ our _ teammates here, our classes here, our walks from class for class, that's why I love it here. Our relationship. The relationships I've built with Syd, and Kelley, and everyone else. That scavenger hunt we went on for Ash’s birthday?” 

Tobin smiled at her for the first time during their walk. 

“That was incredible, and I would love one for my birthday.” She leaned forward to press a kiss to Tobin's cheek. “July second, don't forget.”

“Never,” Tobin promised with another smile. 

 

\------------

 

“Did you wanna talk about,” Ali paused. “Whatever it was, you wanted to talk about?”

Ashlyn looked at the students milling around them. “Not now, lunch?”

“Sure,” Ali reached to take Ashlyn’s hand, but just as she did, Ashlyn switched so she was holding her longboard in between them. “Did I do something?” She asked, annoyed. 

Ashlyn shrugged, leading the way out of there building. “What do you think, Al?”

“Is this because of,” she hesitated. “What I said?”

“Oh you mean that you don't love me anymore?” Ashlyn said bitterly.

“I don't--” Ali sighed. “I never said that.”

“But you didn't deny it,” Ashlyn argued, now a few steps ahead of Ai on the sidewalk. 

“You're taking my words out of context.”

“No, I'm keeping your absence of words in context.”

“You put me on the spot, asking me like that,” Ali argued. 

Ashlyn laughed bitterly, stopping and turning so they were facing each other. “Put you on the spot?” She asked, incredulous. “We were in my room, alone. And it's not exactly a hard question, as long as you know the answer.”

“I'm sorry, Ash,” Ali said softly, looking to the ground. 

“Baby,” Ashlyn reached for Ali’s hand with her free one. “I just,” she sighed. “We need to find what's normal for us again, okay?”

Ali nodded and looked up so they were making eye contact. “Okay, can I ask you something?” 

“Can it,” Ashlyn bit her lip, looking down at Ali with concern laced in her features. “Can it wait till lunch?” 

Ali nodded, squeezing Ashlyn's hand before letting it go. “Sure honey, I love you,” she whispered, but with her inflection, it sounded like a question. 

“I love you, too,” Ashlyn nodded. “Always.”

 

\------------

 

**KOtheBAEo : I'm at lunch now but you're probably still training so text me when you get out, okay?**

**KOtheBAEo : miss you**

 

Kelley opted for a walk to the library (her paper wouldn't write itself) and possibly meeting up with Ali for lunch after. She got to the library and slumped in a chair before pulling out her laptop and a notebook. Just as her laptop began to start, a call came in her phone from Hope. 

“Hello?”

“Hey babe,” Hope said, and Kelley could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Thought you had practice?”

“We’re on a break, I just got your texts,” she explained. “How was class?”

“Tiring,” Kelley shrugged even though Hope couldn't see her. 

“How's your paper coming along?” 

Kelley smiled as she typed in the password for her laptop. “Working on it now. How's practice?”

“Tiring,” Hope said with a laugh. 

“Coach said a few more minutes,” Carli said quickly, poking her head out of the door. “Talking to Kell?”

“Alright, and yeah,” Hope answered, a smile filling her face as she tilted the phone away. 

“Tell her I said hi,” Carli nodded before ducking back into the building. 

“Carli says hi,” Hope tilted the phone back to her mouth. “And I've gotta go in a minute.”

“Alright,” Kelley said, trying to hide the sadness evident in her voice. 

“I'll miss you,” Hope looked back to the building where Carli was beckoning at her to hurry through the doors. 

“I'll miss you, too,” Kelley agreed. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Kelley stayed silent for a moment, not wanting to hang up but not knowing what else should be said. 

“Carli might give herself a headache if she rolls her eyes at me one more time, so I should probably go.”

Kelley laughed at that. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Hope hung up and Kelley looked to the google homepage filling her screen. 

“Work time, now,” she muttered, sliding her notebook towards her. “I need to at least finish the body paragraphs before practice tonight.”

 

\------------

 

Tobin was waiting outside Alex’s door once class was over, and Alex couldn't stop herself from smiling as she noticed the girl with both hands shoved in her pockets, glancing nervously at the students walking around her. 

“Hey, you,” Alex slid an arm around Tobin’s waist and felt her relax at the contact. 

“Hey,” a smile filled Tobin’s face as she wrapped her arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Learn about anything cool?”

“It was just a lecture I didn't pay much attention to, honestly,” Alex shrugged as they began walking from the building. 

“Why not?” Tobin asked, innocently. 

“Too busy thinking about you,” Alex began grazing her fingers across Tobin’s hip and Tobin felt a shiver go up her back. 

“Class is important, Lex,” Tobin attempted to argue, but it felt that for the most part, when she tries to argue with Alex, Alex wins before Tobin can open her mouth.

“So are you,” Alex tilted her head, relaxing in Tobin's arm. “Where do you want to go for lunch?”

“Uhm, what are you in the mood for?”

Alex laughed. “I asked you first.”

“And I'm asking you now,” Tobin countered with a smirk that Alex rolled her eyes at. 

“You're stubborn,” Alex shifted so her left hand was holding the hand Tobin had around her. 

“You're cute,” Tobin smiled, squeezing Alex’s shoulder as she giggled. “So what is Miss. Alex Morgan hungry for, today?” She asked, steering Alex towards the cafeteria. 

“Hmm,” Alex looked at the array of choices before turning to Tobin, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I want to say Taco Bell, but as an athlete, I realize that's not wise.”

Tobin shrugged. “I won't tell the trainers if you won't.”

“You're the  _ best _ , Toby,” Alex leaned to press a kiss to her cheek before practically skipping to the line, Tobin's hand held tightly with her own. 

 

\------------

 

**KO : lunch?**

**Ali : I'm with Ash, rain check?**

**KO : it's cool, I've got that paper anyway**

 

“What's up?” Ashlyn asked, taking a bite of her sandwich. 

“Kelley was wondering if I wanted to meet her for lunch,” Ali set her phone on the table. 

“Oh, you can go meet her if you want, I can call Whit or something.”

“No no,” Ali reached across the table to grab Ashlyn’s hand. “I wanna be here with you.”

Ashlyn smiled at that. “I wanna be here with you, too.”

“Ash,” Ali brushed her thumb across Ashlyn’s (still) bruised knuckles. “Was this because of me?” She asked quietly, looking down at the table. 

Ashlyn pulled her hand away and covered it with the other one. “No,” she muttered under her breath. 

“Honestly, Ash?”

Ashlyn looked up to meet Ali’s eyes. “Honestly,” she promised, reaching her hand back out. “It was my own stupidity, nothing to do with you. I swear,” she held up her pinky with a wry smile. 

Ali looked at the pinky, then back to Ashlyn until she finally resigned (she tried to act annoyed, but it's hard when Ashlyn’s childish antics are so adorable), taking the pinky and sealing the promise with her thumb.

 

\------------

 

“What do you wanna do till class?” Alex asked, swinging hers and Tobin's hands in between them as they walked down the sidewalk to no destination in particular. 

Tobin shrugged. “Just spend time with you.”

“Do you have homework?”

Tobin shrugged again. “Probably.”

Alex laughed, squeezing Tobin's hand as she did so. “Then maybe we should go to the library?”

“Nah, Lex,” Tobin shook her head. “What about the park?” 

“Will you study at the park?”

“Study for what?” Tobin as she took a turn that would lead them to the closest park. 

“Don't you have a test tomorrow?” Alex thought for a moment. “In...analogy maybe?”

Tobin laughed, earning a playful glare from Alex. 

“What are you laughing at?”

“You're cute when you're confused.” 

Alex looked to the ground, shuffling her feet as she felt Tobin squeeze her hand before leaning in to kiss her forehead. 

“Anatomy, babe. Analogy’s not a subject.”

Alex rolled her eyes, but her smirk betrayed any annoyance she meant to convey. “Shut up, you knew what I meant.”

 

\------------

 

**Hope Yolo : please make sure Kell finishes her paper tonight**

**Hope Yolo : but I didn't tell you to**

**Ashlyn : will do**

**Hope Yolo : thanks, kid**

 

\------------

 

“We should leave soon, if we want to be on time for class,” Ashlyn suggested, checking her watch. 

“Sure,” Ali nodded and began to stand up. “Can I ask you something though?”

Ashlyn raised an eyebrow. “Is this what you wanted to ask me earlier, or something else?”

“Same thing,” Ali confirmed. “And I promise it isn't bad.”

Ashlyn stood up and pulled on her shirt to smooth any wrinkles, then straightenedher back and rolled her shoulders. “Shoot.” 

Ali took Ashlyn’s free hand in her own (the one not holding her longboard) and took a deep breath. “Do you think you might want to, I don't know,” she hesitated, looking to the ground. 

“Al,” Ashlyn squeezed her hand for comfort. “You can ask me anything.”

Ali opened her mouth to continue, but Ashlyn cut her off. 

“Wait, let me check,” she looked to her hands interlocked with each other then to the people around them. “You're okay with,  _ this _ , right?” She asked, pulling on Ali’s hand. 

Ali pulled on Ashlyn’s hand and kissed her knuckles softly in answer. “I'm okay with  _ us _ .”

“Good,” Ashlyn smiled as their hands dropped in between them. “Very good. I love you, Al.”

“I love you, too.”

“Now go ahead, ask me what you wanted to ask me.”

“Do you want to come to my house, and meet my parents for Thanksgiving?”

Ashlyn hesitated, tilting her head to the side. “I've met your parents, Al.”

“Not as my girlfriend, you haven't.” Ali smiled as she noticed a light in Ashlyn's eyes. 

“You want them to meet me as your girlfriend?” Ashlyn asked, in partial disbelief. 

“Sweetheart,” Ali turned to Ashlyn so they were fully facing each other, and leaned up for a quick kiss before finishing her sentence. “I want  _ everyone _ to meet you as my girlfriend.”

 

\------------

 

“How come  _ you _ are juggling a soccer ball and  _ I  _ got stuck holding your flash cards?”

Tobin rolled her eyes. “You didn't  _ get stuck _ , you totally offered.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.” Tobin let the ball fall to rest at her feet so she could focus her attention to Alex. 

“When?” Alex challenged, dropping the cards to her side. 

“ _ Oh Toby _ ,” Tobin mocked in a higher pitched and hoarse voice. “ _ What could I ever do to help you pass your test _ ?”

Alex crossed her arms. “I do  _ not _ sound like that.”

“You kinda do,” Tobin argued with a smile. 

“You're the worst.”

“I'm  _ your  _ worst.”

“You're mine in general,” Alex said with a triumphant smile. 

Tobin leaned forward to kiss Alex. “And I couldn't be happier.”

 

\------------

 

**KOtheBAEo : miss you ):**

 

Kelley headed straight from her second period class for the library, on a mission to accomplish as much as possible before practice that night. 

She arrived and sat at the table for approximately five minutes before getting distracted by her phone and soon lost thirty minutes of time, not realizing until a call from Hope came in. 

“Hey,” Kelley answered, finally looking at her computer. “What's up?”

“We have a quick break before the next session, figured I'd call to see if you were busy or something.”

“I'm not,” Kelley lied, sliding her laptop a few inches away and leaning on the table. “How's training?”

“It's fine,” Hope waved her off. “What about your paper?” 

“I'll finish it before it's due.”

“Kell,” Hope sighed. “If you're busy, that's alright.”

“But I wanna talk to you.”

“I wanna talk to you too,” Hope agreed. “But I love you, and want you to do well in your classes.”

“I'm doing just  _ fine _ ,” Kelley groaned. “Why do you have to care about me and stuff? Just let me be irresponsible.”

“It's kinda in the job description, Kell.”

“Whatever.” Kelley rolled her eyes in false annoyance, even though Hope couldn't see her. “I guess I'll go work on my paper.”

“Alright, I should probably be getting back anyway. I love you.”

“I love you.”

 

\------------

 

“What’s report time for practice?” Alex asked, kicking a pebble as she walked up to Tobin who was waiting for her outside of her classroom. 

“Uhm, we’re starting late I think. Five thirty?” 

Alex nodded and put a hand under Tobin’s chin, tilting her head up. “You look tired.”

“No sleep last night, remember?” She asked with a laugh. 

“Let's go take a nap, we have time.”

“We don't need to, Lex,” Tobin argued, but the yawn her protest was followed by betrayed her. 

“Come on,” Alex tugged on her hand. “We can just cuddle on the bed or something until it's time to go, but you need some sort of rest.”

 

\------------

 

“Your place or mine?” Alex asked suggestively, putting a hand on Tobin’s waistline. 

“You're a dork,” Tobin said with a laugh. “We can go to mine, my bed’s pretty comfortable.”

“That works, Syd’s probably home anyway and I want you to rest, not get interrogated.”

 

\------------

 

They arrived at Tobin’s apartment and headed straight to her room, neither even bothering to turn a light on on the way (with the evening sun pouring through the windows and sliding glass doors to the balcony, it's not really necessary anyway).

They got to Tobin’s bedroom and Tobin collapsed to the bed, rolling over to make room for Alex. 

Alex lied down next to her, draping an arm over Tobin’s waist and tracing patterns across her hip bone. “Tired?” She asked jokingly. 

Tobin mumbled something unintelligible into Alex’s shoulder and she laughed. 

“Goodnight, honey. I'll wake you before practice.”

It took hardly a minute for Tobin to fall asleep, and something about having Alex right there next to her, made it feel as if it was the most peaceful nap of her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter :) Thanks for sticking with me on this! I'm going to South Korea this week and then I have AP Testing the two weeks after that, so I probably won't be able to get another chapter out anytime soon, but thanks (again) for reading!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn are able to talk things out a bit (and they both realize that maybe communication isn't their strong suit), Tobin and Alex enjoy being adorable and happy (their friends enjoy teasing them), and Hope and Kelley get a chance to discuss what's wrong (Kelley feels like she can finally breathe again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when preath was a joke ship

“We should really talk about this.” Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand in her own and leaned on her shoulder. “Even if you think it can wait.”

“Fine.” Ashlyn sighed and leaned back on the bench. “I just need to know where we messed up-- Where  _ I _ messed up.” 

Ali sat up and Ashlyn looked over, making eye contact. 

“What did I do?”

“Nothing.” Ali shook her head with a sympathetic smile. “It was me, it really was.” She squeezed Ashlyn’s hand again but Ashlyn just sighed in dismissal. “You said we should come out and I,” she paused to search for the words. “Agreed.”

Ashlyn tilted her head but Ali continued before she got a chance to speak. 

“I  _ do _ agree, but I panicked. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, when the date got closer.”

“What date?”

“Thanksgiving.” Ali put her other hand over Ashlyn’s and smiled. “Thanksgiving, with my parents, where I tell them that I'm in love with you.”

Ashlyn shook her head and looked at the ground. 

“Baby.” Ali reached out to tilt Ashlyn's chin so they were facing each other again. “I'm serious. I was scared, and foolish, and a little drunk.” She leaned forward to give Ashlyn a quick kiss. “And I'm so, sorry. But I do love you, I love you more than I've ever loved anything.”

Ashlyn gave a small smile as she looked into Ali’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, dork.”

 

\---

 

Kelley answered the phone call from Hope with a “Hey, gorgeous,” and that was her first clue to something being off. 

The phone call continued and throughout the whole thing Kelley seemed to be keeping her voice down, she seemed to be distracted, and most worrying, she spoke like she was hiding something. 

After about five minutes of Hope trying to just let it go, she finally pushed. “Kell?”

“Yeah?”

“What's wrong?”

Kelley chewed on her lip and ducked her head. “Nothing.”

“You're a bad liar.”

“Good thing I'm such a great girlfriend then?”

Hope rolled her eyes as she checked her watch. “Shouldn't you be at practice?”

“In,” Kelley paused to check the time for herself. “Twenty minutes? We're starting late today.”

Hope nodded even though Kelley couldn't see her. “You know you can talk to me about anythig, right? Really, absolutely anything.”

“I know.”

“But you also know you don't have to, right? You don't have to talk to me if you're not comfortable.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” Hope sighed and tapped her fingers on the wheel of her car, waiting for what felt like the third red light in two minutes of driving. 

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

Kelley hesitated, not sure how to answer but then finally deciding to start simple. “Lying.”

“About?”

“Being okay.”

Hope felt her heart ache and wished for nothing more than to be back on campus with her girlfriend. “You don't have to be sorry.”

“But I am.”

“I know, baby.” Hope nodded and tried not to rejoice over the phone as her light finally changed. “I know you are, and that's okay too.”

“A guy asked me out on a date the other day,” Kelley added absentmindedly. “Isn't that funny?”

Hope laughed at the fact that there was anyone left on campus that  _ wasn't  _ aware of how gay Kelley is. 

“It really happened.”

“Well, I can understand why.”

Kelley laughed at that, glad for the smile Hope always puts on her face. “You're the best.”

“I know.” Hope looked at her watch again. “Getting ready for practice yet?” 

“No.” Kelley frowned, closing her laptop and sliding it into her bag. “But I really should be.”

“Where are you, anyway?”

“Sitting outside of the library.” Kelley slung her bag over her shoulder and started towards the car. “Apparently I was  _ checking my phone too religiously to stay inside, _ ” Kelley mocked, using her best voice to imitate the boy working there that had told her to leave. She shrugged, unlocking her car. “Whatever, not my fault I have a super duper girlfriend that I absolutely love that happens to live a million miles away.”

“A million, huh? Damn, maybe I need a new map.”

Kelley rolled her eyes, starting the car and clipping her seat belt. “Whatever. I should go, I'll be at the field in just a minute and I've gotta get ready.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Kick ass at practice for me?”

“Always.”

 

\------------

 

Alex woke Tobin up at ten after with kisses sporadically placed over her face. “Wake  _ uuuuup _ ,” she said in a sing-song voice that made Tobin smile more than the kisses did. 

“I'm aw _ aaake _ .” Tobin did her best to imitate Alex's voice, but it was to no avail. (Alex thought it was cute anyway, though.)

Alex rolled out of bed. “Get dressed here or the field?” 

Tobin stretched before getting up and then walked over to where Alex was waiting by the foot of the bed. She leaned forward for a kiss and Alex obliged happily, placing her hands on Tobin’s waist. “More alone time with you always seems like better option.”

Alex smiled, resting her forehead against Tobin's and placing a quick kiss on her nose. “Agreed.”

 

\------------

 

Tobin and Alex arrived almost late (it took them longer to get ready than either anticipated, considering the lingering looks and teasing comments) and half the team rolled their eyes as they walked to their respective places in the locker room. 

“Quickies are supposed to be  _ quick _ , Tobin,” Ashlyn teased, bumping Tobin with her shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Kelley nodded. “And also, gross, because I'm ninety percent sure you were at our apartment.”

Tobin's face turned red as she struggled with the laces on her right cleat, and they fell unknotted for the third time in a row. “We were at the apartment,” she admitted, tightening the laces. “But we didn't have a quickie.”

“Well, obviously. You would've been here on time if it was a quickie.” Kelley bumped Tobin's arm and her shoelace fell untied for the umpteenth time. 

“We didn't have sex!” Tobin realized that her whisper almost reached a not-whisper and bowed her head. “We just, kind of, slept.”

“Together,” Ashlyn finished. 

“We  _ napped _ .” Tobin tied her shoelace and finally moved to the left one. “Well, I napped. She stayed up and watched me sleep to make sure we got up on time.”

“Ew,” Kelley crinkled her nose. “That’s adorable.”

“And clearly didn't work, considering you were late,” Ashlyn added. 

Tobin rolled her eyes. “Late, and  _ almost  _ late are two different things.”

“Pretty close, though.”

Tobin turned after knotting her cleat to see Alex standing by the door to the field, waiting. She walked over, ignoring the  _ go get ‘em! _ from Kelley and the  _ can't you guys not see each other for five seconds? _ from Ashlyn. 

“Fun with friends?” Alex asked, sliding her hand into Tobin's. 

“How much of that did you hear?”

“Let's just say your friends don't know how to whisper.”

Tobin laughed as they started their walk to the field, passing Christen and Tobin swore she saw Christen glance to their hands. Christen offered a polite smile and a nod that Tobin reciprocated, and Alex squeezed her hand to comfort her. 

“Also, I'm just saying.” Alex shrugged before leaning over to whisper in Tobin’s ear. “If they're going to tease you anyway, why not give them something to tease you about?”

 

\---

 

By the time practice ended, everyone was exhausted, and Kelley, Ash, and Tobin agreed that they could take a raincheck on roomie bonding. The game that weekend was approaching faster than anyone was really prepared for, and nobody wanted to think about how this would be the biggest threat of the season. 

Tobin and Alex turned down Kelley’s offer for a ride back to the apartment where Kelley, Ash, and Ali were going to watch a movie and eat popcorn together, and Tobin instead decided to have her first real conversation with Sydney. (Which Sydney was thrilled about, because she’d been dying to read someone the riot act since Tobin’s shirt first showed up at their dorm and she suspected that Alex was seeing someone.)

“So what are your intentions with her?” Sydney stared at Tobin from across the sidewalk.

Tobin looked to Alex who just squeezed her hand and smiled encouragingly. “Uhm,” Tobin looked over to Sydney. “To make her happy?”

“Good answer.” Sydney nodded approvingly. “Do you love her?”

“ _ Syd _ .” Alex glared at her friend. “We just started dating.”

“Fine, fine.” Sydney raised her hands in defense. “What are your grades like?”

“At this rate I'll graduate with honors.”

“Good! Maybe you can tutor her.” Sydney elbowed Alex in the ribs but she just rolled her eyes. “Though then again,” Sydney shrugged. “With the way she's hanging off of you right now,” Sydney looks to Tobin. “I have a feeling if you tried to tutor her, you wouldn't be doing much school work.”

Alex rolled her eyes at that and Tobin just looked to the ground, not sure how to respond.

“Oh come  _ on _ .” Sydney clapped Alex on the shoulder. “That was funny.”

Alex looked to Tobin and kissed her on the cheek. “Remind why we didn’t ride with Kelley, again?”

“You said Sydney had to yell at me eventually.”

Sydney laughed at that and skipped up to the steps of the dorm. “I’m so glad we only live a few minutes from the field.” She stood by the door and sighed dramatically, looking over to where Tobin and Alex are still standing a few feet away. “Oh!” Her eyes widened and Alex just laughed. “You guys want me to--” she cut herself and pointed to the door. “Right, right. Well I’ll leave you two  _ lovebirds _ alone.” 

Alex looked over to make sure the door shut before turning to face Tobin, resting her head on Tobin’s chest. 

“Tired?”

Alex nodded without saying anything.

Tobin leaned down to kiss her hairline and Alex just squeezed her fingers in response.

“Oh,” Alex pulled away from Tobin and looked over to make eye contact. “I remember the other reason you walked me home.”

“And why is that?”

“Something about a goodnight kiss?” 

Alex looked at her with a smile that Tobin couldn’t help but reciprocate and Tobin gave her a quick kiss, mumbling “Goodnight” as she pulled away.

“Another?” Alex asked leaning forward and Tobin complied, closing the distance. “And another?” 

The kissed again but as they pulled away Sydney opened the door. “I’d like my best friend back, thanks.”

Tobin and Alex laughed and Alex leaned forward for one last kiss. “Goodnight, Tobs.”

Tobin grinned as Alex pulled away and bounded up the stairs. “Goodnight, Lex.” She glanced to Sydney who was looking at her as if waiting for something and Tobin rolled her eyes. “Goodnight, Syd.”

“Night!” Sydney pulled Alex into the building and the door fell shut, but not before Tobin heard Sydney say “So, tell me all about it,” and Tobin laughed, turning around to finish her walk to the apartment.

 

\------------

 

By the time Tobin got back to the apartment, everyone was passed out on the couch (funnily enough, with Ashlyn and Kelley cuddling and Ali off on the other side). Tobin grabbed their bowl of popcorn and set it on the counter, then tossed a blanket over each of them. She flicked the tv off and then made her way to her own room, barely managing to change before flopping onto her bed and passing out.

 

\------------

 

The next morning Tobin got up first and dragged herself out of bed after shooting Alex a quick text.

**Toby :) : coffee?**

**Lex :) : coffee!**

Tobin went to the living room, waking her friends up before grabbing her bag. “I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you tonight?”

“Quick practice.” Ashlyn nodded. “The three of us tonight, Kell’s on dinner duty.”

“Of course I am.”

 

\------------

 

Alex arrived later than Tobin and took the coffee graciously, thanking her with a kiss.

“Ready for class?”

“Do I get to see you after?”

Tobin tilted her head side to side, pretending to debate it. “I suppose, sure.”

Alex gave her another kiss before interlocking their fingers and pulling Tobin towards the steps of the building. “Then I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

\------------

 

“I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday.”

“I can’t believe you woke me up at five in the morning for a phone call.”

Kelley rolled her eyes as she scanned the next paragraph for errors. “You called me.”

“Oh, right. Finish your paper?”

“Finishing now.”

“Isn’t it due in like,” Hope yawned and pulled her phone away to check the time. “An hour?”

“That would be why I’m finishing it now.”

“When did you become a bad student?”

Kelley pursed her lips as she corrected a spelling error where she put  _ legitical _ rather than _ legitimate, ecological _ . “Are you saying you never knew I was a bad student?”

Hope rolled her eyes. “I’ve never heard you stress about a paper before.”

“Well, I didn’t used to be as scared.”

“Scared of what, babe?”

Kelley hit  _ save _ and then  _ print _ , taking a deep breath in an attempt to stall.

“Kell?”

“Printing.” She closed the laptop and walked over to the printer next to the tv. 

“Scared of what?”

“Can we not, right now? Please?” Kelley picked up her paper and scanned it before making her way back to the table.

“Of course, we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” Hope twisted in bed in an attempt to stretch her back. “Just don’t stay bottled up, okay?”

“I talked to Ashlyn and Tobin about it.”

“That’s good.” Hope nodded and waited for Kelley to make a comment that wasn’t coming. “Done with your paper?”

“Finally.”

Hope could hear the closing of a textbook and the zipper of Kelley’s backpack. “Gotta go?”

“Yeah, I should.”

“Alright, I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Drive safely?”

“Of course.” Kelley smiled as she grabbed her keys by the door. “I love you.”

Hope laughed and closed her eyes, relaxing back against her pillow. “You said that.”

“I like saying it.”

“I like hearing it.”

Kelley grinned and stepped out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. “I love you I love you I love you.”

 

\------------

 

“Shouldn't you be studying?”

Tobin popped a baby carrot in her mouth and sank in her seat. “Probably.”

“When's the test?” 

“Thursday.”

Alex nodded understandingly and placed a hand on Tobin's thigh. “We can study tonight, okay?”

“We?”

Alex kissed her cheek. “Yeah, we. I'll help you with anatomy and you can help me with Calculus.”

“Okay.” Tobin grinned and tilted her head so it leaned against Alex as she took a bite of another carrot. “Not tonight though,” she mumbled, wiping at her mouth. “Roomie bonding, for real this time.”

“Okay.” Alex laughed and took one of Tobin's carrots. “Tomorrow night? We can go to the dorm after practice and Syd can cook us dinner while we study.”

Tobin nodded. “Sounds romantic," she said sarcastically, taking a drink of her water.

Alex laughed and kissed the corner of Tobin's mouth. “That's what I was going for.”

 

\------------

 

“What do you wanna do tonight?” Ali swung hers and Ashlyn’s arms as they walked through the park. 

“Roomie bonding, didn't you hear this morning?” Ashlyn took a bite of her sandwich and pulled Ali over to a bench. “But tomorrow?” 

“I’ve got a paper to write. Library date?”

“Gross.” Ashlyn shook her head and Ali just rolled her eyes. “But I’m sure it'll be fun with you!”

“Practice, showers, then library after class tomorrow?”

“Sure, babe.” Ashlyn nodded in agreement and Ali leaned forward for a quick kiss. “Sounds perfect.”

“We should get going to class.”

Ashlyn sighed and squeezed Ali’s hand. “Yeah, you're right. Let me walk you?”

Ali smiled and they kissed again before rising from the bench. “How chivalrous, I love it.”

 

\---

 

“Excited for the game?”

Kelley chewed on her lip, absentmindedly flipping through the pages of her textbook. “Guess so.” 

“Why just guess?”

In an attempt to stall, she switched her phone to the other ear before answering. “I’m nervous.”

“About what, Kell?”

“What if I don’t get the start?”

Hope laughed at that. “Okay, sure, that’ll happen.”

“I’m serious, Hope.”

“So what if you don’t get the start?” Hope shrugged. “It’s just another game, happens to the best of us.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve never been a backup in your life.”

“Hey.” Hope frowned and instantly wished she could be across the country. (Though to be fair, she always wished she could be closer to Kelley.) “Is there something else going on?”

“I don’t know.” Kelley sighed and slumped in her the bar stool she was sitting in at the apartment. “I feel scared. All the time. About everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel,” Kelley paused, searching for a way to phrase it. “Worried. Lately I just feel  _ constantly _ worried. I don’t know what changed but I’m just afraid of losing,” she paused again and just as Hope was about to ask  _ what?  _ she whispered “Everything.”

Hope waited a few moments to see if she’d go on, but all Hope could hear is Kelley shakily breathing into the phone. “Did something happen?”

“I don't know,” Kelley admitted. “Things are harder without you here,  _ obviously _ , but we've been seperated before.” She sighed and rocked back and forth in the bar stool. “It's anxiety, I think. I've never really had problems with just feeling,” she paused and rose from the chair, finding herself incapable of sitting still. “Nervous. Lately I've been realizing how close I am to having to deal with the  _ real world _ and I'm worried, because what if I mess up? What if I lose my place with soccer or what if I lose my chance with school or what if I lose my friends? Or, god forbid,” she took a shaky breath, pacing across the kitchen. “What if I lose you, Hope? What if I lose everything?”

“Baby,” Hope sighed into the phone and she felt her heart ache as she heard Kelley ramble on. “You're gonna be okay, alright? We're gonna be okay.”

“What if we're not? I've never failed before, Hope, I don't know how to deal with failure. What if I fail?

“Kell, honey.” Hope rubbed at her eyes, willing away her quickly forming headache. “I love you, okay? Nothing’s going to change that. I'm going to keep loving you for as long as you'll let me.”

“I want you to love me forever.”

Hope laughed. “Me too, babe. Just trust me on this, alright? It's okay to be scared and it's understandable to be worried, that's healthy. It's healthy to compete a little day in and day out for your starting spot and it's perfectly okay to be scared about the future.” Hope took a deep breath as Kelley closed her eyes, and she could swear it was like Hope was right there comforting her. “I love you, Kell.”

Kelley smiled as she finally felt her heart rate begin to slow back down. “I love you, too,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Always being here.”

Hope laughed and it immediately brought a smile to Kelley’s face. “I always will be.” They're both silent for a moment until Kelley checks the time and realizes it's already nearing five. 

“I should get going, practice.”

“Okay.” Hope nodded even though Kelley couldn't see her. “Feel any better?”

“Loads, actually. Thank you.”

“I'm only a call away, okay?”

“You're the best.”

Hope grinned. “I know. Any plans later?”

“Yeah, we took a rain check on roomie bonding last night but it'll be Tobs, Ash, and me just chilling after practice at the apartment. I think we're gonna watch a movie and I think I'm in charge of dinner.”

“That should be fun, how are they doing?” 

“Ashlyn and Ali are doing pretty well. I guess they laid down some ground rules as far as what’s appropriate for when and it’s helping. Also Ash said something about Thanksgiving and Ali’s parents,” Kelley trailed off, trying to remember. “And something. I don't remember for sure, but she's stoked, so that's cool.”

“And Tobin?”

“She seems to be doing pretty well.” Kelley nodded as she walked through her room, looking for her practice gear while holding the phone against her ear. “Alex seems super nice, like you saw, and they're in the honeymoon stage and all.” 

Hope laughed at that and Kelley muttered an  _ aha! _ as she found her shin guard under a stray tshirt, causing Hope to laugh again. “Well I'm glad they're happy. Alex seems like a good person, at least from what we saw, and she doesn't really,” Hope paused, searching for a good way to phrase it. “Seem that she needs to be fixed. I think Tobin'll finally get to just be happy and have fun. She always wants there to be more good in the world, and she wants to help make it happen. So in the past, when she ended up with girls that had too much going on, she's just such a,” Hope trailed off with a laugh. “Such a good person that when something went wrong, she put it first. So she always put them first and forgot to take care of herself sometimes.”

“Are you psychoanalyzing my friend?”

“ _ Our _ friend.” Hope laughed and switched the phone to her other ear. “And hey, I didn't minor in Psychology for nothing.”

Kelley grabbed her keys from by the door and flicked off the lights before leaving the apartment. “Do you ever do that to me?”

“Do what?”

“Psycho-analyze-babble stuff.”

Hope pursed her lips, contemplating how to respond. “I feel like there's a right answer to this question.”

“That’s because there is.”

They both laughed and Hope could hear as Kelley pounded down the stairs. “I'll let you go, have fun at practice. Kick ass for me.”

“Always, babe. I love you.”

“I love you.”

 

\------------

 

With a new sense of reassurance from Hope, practice felt like it flew by for Kelley. She was connecting passes, making clean tackles, and she even scored  _ and _ set up an assist for the scrimmage. (Needless to say, after a nice talk with her girlfriend and finally getting what had been bothering her off of her chest, she was on fire.)

When the coach finally called practice to an end, they cleaned up all of their gear and headed to the locker room for showers.

“You smell great.” Alex pressed a kiss to Tobin’s cheek as she walked back from the showers in nothing but a towel.

“You,” Tobin crinkles her nose as Alex pulls away. “Don’t.” 

“Oh hush.” Alex pushed her arm and they both broke into laughter. “I’m gonna go shower, walk me home after?”

Tobin glanced to Ashlyn who was already showered and changed, talking to Ali, and Kelley who still hadn’t even showered. “Roomie bonding, remember?” She gave Alex a quick kiss. “Can’t walk you home.” She glanced over again to where Kelley was finally beginning to unlace her cleats. “But if you hurry, I’ll probably have time to say goodnight.”

“And maybe a goodnight kiss?”

Tobin grinned. “Of course, babe.”

“You’re cute.”

“You’re cuter.”

“Well, obviously.” Alex leaned forward for one last kiss before walking past Tobin and to the showers, leaving Tobin to the mercy of her teammates after the exchange (specifically Ashlyn and Kelley, who both gave a wolf whistle as Alex walked away).

 

\------------

 

“I am _not_ looking forward to this game. Why does Duke even,” Ashlyn paused as she slumped in the passenger seat. “Exist?”

Kelley laughed at that and shrugged. “To make our lives miserable.”

“When will Tobin get her ass in this car?” Ashlyn craned her neck to look for their friend. “Wait, is that her?”

Tobin and Alex exited the locker room together, hand in hand, and they watched as Tobin leaned forward for a quick kiss followed by Alex pulling her into a hug.

“That’s gay,” Ashlyn said absentmindedly and Kelley reached across the car to hit her bicep. 

“You’re gay.” She craned her neck and rolled her eyes as she noticed Alex and Tobin kiss again. “And that’s our friend, and she's happy, even if she is taking forever.”

Tobin finally broke away from Alex as Kelley’s phone began to ring and Ashlyn grabbed it from the dashboard before she could. 

“Ooh, Hope. I haven’t talked to her forever.” She answered the phone and put it on speaker as Tobin got in the backseat. “Hey, long time, no talk.”

“Didn’t we talk on the phone yesterday? Or mabe the day before?” Hope’s voice rang out into the car.

“That Hope?” Tobin asked, sliding to the middle and leaning forward over the center console.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Cool.” Tobin leaned back to buckle her seatbelt before readjusting her position. “How’s Seattle?”

“Getting kind of cold.” Hope shrugged as she glanced over to her roommate, Carli, who was sitting in the opposite side of the living room. 

“Ready for the playoffs?” Tobin asked as Kelley pulled out of the parking lot.

“Oh, yeah.” Hope laughed. “Can’t wait for playoffs.”

“Still another game before that,” Carli cut in and Hope just rolled her eyes.

“Carli would like to remind you that there’s another game before playoffs.”

“Thanks, Carli.” Tobin laughed and Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

“Tell Carli she should score a hat trick for me.”

“Ash wants you to score a hat trick for her.”

“Uhm,” Carli looked up from her book. “I can try.”

“Ooh!” Tobin nodded excitedly. “Score one for me too!”

“Tobin wants a hat trick too.”

Carli folded her book over her hand and rested it in her lap. “Is that three or six goals?”

Hope tilted her head from side to side. “I’m not sure. Three or six goals?”

Ashlyn and Tobin looked to each other. “We can share a hat trick,” Ashlyn suggested.

“Agreed,” Tobin nodded and Kelley laughed as she continued to drive down the road, nearing their apartment. 

“Only three goals,” Hope confirmed, nodding to Carli. 

Carli picked her book back up and shrugged. “I can probably manage that.”

“So modest,” Hope teased and Carli just rolled her eyes, turning the page. “Where’s my girlfriend? I would’ve sworn I heard her laugh.”

“Aw, you can pick out my laugh?” Kelley smiled as she adjusted her hands on the wheel. “That’s so sweet, babe.”

“You know me, the sweetest.”

“Gross.” Tobin rolled her eyes and Kelley just laughed.

“Wanna talk about gross?” Ashlyn turned in her seat to face Tobin. “What took you so long to get to the car, Tobs?”

Tobin leaned back and sank in her seat. “Whatever.”

“What, Alex can’t be away from you for five seconds?” Ashlyn teased and Kelley and Hope both laughed in response.

Tobin mumbled something none of them could pick up as she crossed her arms.

“What was that, Tobin?” Hope asked and Ashlyn tilted the phone so Tobin could speak in it more easily.

“She wanted a goodnight kiss, okay?”

They all laugh as Kelley pulled into their parking spot and turned off the car. “More like ten of them.”

Tobin rolled her eyes as she unbuckled the seatbelt. “Can we focus on something more important? Like what’s for dinner?”

“Already taken care of,” Hope said and they all turned to the phone in confusion. “Kell told me it was her job, so I ordered you guys some pizza.” She glanced to her watch. "It should be there in about ten minutes."

Ashlyn dropped her jaw and looked to Kelley. “That is seriously amazing, why do you get to be the one that dates her?”

Tobin and Hope both laughed as Kelley just shrugged. “Guess I got lucky.”

 

\------------

 

Kelley walked back into the living room, two boxes of pizza in hand. “I’m glad we’re doing this, I like spending time with you guys.” 

Ashlyn nodded and raised her glass of water in a  _ cheers _ motion. “Agreed. Also,” Ashlyn grabbed a slice of pizza from the open box Kelley held out to her. “Your girlfriend is my new favorite person.”

Kelley laughed and moved the box in front of Tobin who grabbed a slice and nodded in agreement. “I don’t know if she’s my  _ favorite _ .” Tobin slid to the edge as Kelley wedged herself on the couch between Tobin and Ashlyn. “But she’s definitely climbing on the list,” Tobin mumbled through a bite.

“Guys, guys,” Kelley relaxed against her friends as Ashlyn reached for the remote. “Back off, she’s mine.”

“She’s great,” Ashlyn resumed their movie and tossed the remote back on to the table. “Obviously you don’t have to worry about anything because I’m in love, but,” she paused to take a bite. “She’s great.”

“Yeah, I’m taken.” Tobin nodded in agreement. “But you’ve got a keeper.” She took a drink of water and shook her head, turning to Kelley and Ashlyn. “No pun intended.”

Kelley laughed as she leaned her head against Tobin’s shoulder, stretching her legs to rest them on Ashlyn’s lap (who just laughed and resituated so they could both be more comfortable). “Yeah,” Kelley nodded as she focused on the screen. “I really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked the chapter, let me know what you think? also what sports are you guys watching/excited for at the olympics? I'm watching football (obviously), basketball, rugby, hockey, tennis, gymnastics, swimming, and just about everything tbh.


End file.
